Hey there, Aunty. Listen up, because there’s something I gotta say.
I tend to hesitate whenever I see you or any other older brown woman in a sari or a salwar kameez slowly strolling on the sidewalk, especially in Suburbia, USA. I’m just out here for my daily run, but I’m afraid of what will pass through your mind and eventually be expressed on your face.
Even though I consciously slow down my pace, I cringe knowing that as soon as I race by, you will take one look at my crop tank and booty shorts and immediately begin judging.
As much as I want to believe that you and these other aunties are woke and would not be bewildered by the sight of a young desi woman running in, well, running clothes, my mind harkens back to my teenage years and the fears I had regarding my own mother’s judgement.
Spaghetti straps were taboo, but even sleeveless tops had my mother giving me the side-eye. The one time I managed to purchase a mini skirt with my own money from American Eagle in high school? I made sure to always pair it with leggings…even when we took a family trip to Tahoe in the middle of a Californian heat wave.
Despite having my Western fashion monitored with hawk-eye precision, I never had issue with “dressing the part” in desi environments. However, despite walking into temples in a long, baggy salwar kameez (nevermind the scorching heat…), never forgetting to wear pottu, and wearing my hair in a simple ponytail, the stares from you and other aunties never seemed to cease.
But then I grew up, and moved away from home. As I slowly re-pieced my wardrobe with things more appropriate for a twenty-something, I felt more confident in picking out more “adventurous” clothing.
It was never a shopping spree out of spite. I knew the difference between trendy and trash.
That glittery dress that happened to hit me mid-thigh but was full-sleeved? ✅
That tube top that matched well with a pair of harem pants? ✅
Those cut-off shorts paired with a thick black moto jacket (ya know, for those Californian winters 😁)? ✅
For me, it was never about showing too much…I just wanted to be able to have a choice in what to show.
But I guess the constant fear of judgement by you and other women still haunts me. There have been a number of occasions where I found my fingers quick to zip up a jacket, or to pull down the hem of my shorts after sitting down, just to make sure I didn’t risk becoming a target of a staredown.
But Aunty, this is what you and your sisters need to understand:
👊🏽Wearing “Western” clothing doesn’t make you a slut.
👊🏽 In this day and age, most women wear “provocative” clothing to feel good about their bodies and themselves.
👊🏽 So what if a guy looks over? That’s his problem. Not ours.
👊🏽 And the reason he looked over? Probably because we know we are BOMB AF and not afraid to flaunt it.
Be proud of the fact that the next generation of desi women are strong, fearless, financially independent, and intelligent.
And we are aware of our roots. Just so you know, wearing a sports bra in public won’t change that.
And besides, who are you to judge?
Ugh YES women should be able to wear what they want and not be judged, by men or other women! Especially while running, when we’re just trying to do our thing and not sweat to death. I used to be so self-conscious about wearing just a sports bra and shorts to run in because of the judgy looks I would get but it’s 100+ degrees here and I’m not covering up just to appeal to some older ladies. 🙅🏻♀️
I’m glad you’ve embraced your own sense of style too!
Author
Thanks Ashley—I knew that as a fellow runner, you’d be able to relate! Guys can run topless regardless of the weather, at any time of day, but women are made to feel guilty about their outfit of choice, even if it’s super hot outside! Wearing a sports bra and shorts in hellacious weather shouldn’t even be questioned. It especially upsets me when other women put each other down or assume things based on outfit choice…such juvenile thinking!
This is so cute! It’s exactly what I used to be so conscious about what I would be wearing in college and try to dress up according to the society I was living in, which was a slightly conservative. My mom, who was brought up in the suburbs and was a cultural modern blend of a woman told me one thing , “ Bebo, this is the time to wear and flaunt your beautiful figure cuz you can now! Dress according to your figure, not according to what they say.. u can’t wear this when you’re 40 and fat.” And since then I just wear what I feel like, cuz our clothes are an extension of our personality.” Wear it when you can flaunt it girl!
Author
Haha, I love that your mom said that! That’s one way of looking at it, and it must have felt like such a relief to hear someone in your immediate family say that to you!