⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆ – Page 16 – A Second Gen Desi documenting her experiences

Pree July 10, 2020 West Hollywood

Baby’s First Tattoo 😜

Reading Time: 6 minutes

When LA Ink first aired in 2007, I was in high school. It ended up being a show I found while discreetly channel surfing and landing on TLC. I used to watch TV upstairs in my parents’ room, with my thumb hovering over the ‘recall’ button just in case I had to switch back to kid-friendly Nickelodeon or Disney Channel if my mom came charging up the stairs without warning 😂.

Oh, good times.

But LA Ink wasn’t a “bad show”. I’ve always been interested in the biography/memoir/documentary genre, and this reality show based on the lives of tattoo artists in LA was right up my alley. It followed famous tattoo artist (and vegan badass 😍) Kat Von D, owner of LA Ink, and her team as they designed and inked the denizens of So Cal and beyond…

With dinner on my lap, it made for good entertainment.

What intrigued me the most was how “normal” many of her clients were. Sure, there were the stereotypical biker guys and tattoo buffs, but most of the people featured on the show were people with everyday lives—hoping to mark their skin with art commemorating a loved one or memory. For some of them, it was their first tattoo!

Since then, I pondered over the idea of getting a tattoo myself, but I was never one to be carried away by random pretty art—I wanted my tattoo to have meaning.

For a while, I was thinking maybe an ankle tattoo with the initials of my friends—because I couldn’t think of anything better 😂 but as I got older, my personal experiences eventually shaped a “better” tattoo idea. Eventually, I came up with a simple, yet elegant design in my head that encapsulated my heritage with my personal story: a blooming lotus.

Freshly inked in late January—no regrets 🖤

My best friend is a graphic designer, and as soon as I told her, mid-2019 or so, that this was my tattoo and I was set on getting it eventually, she drew up a sketch that I could use as a reference for my future tattoo artist.

When she posted it on her Insta, I was all 😍. Check out her work, by the way!

I was growing more confident with the idea of getting this tattoo, and thought it would be so badass 😂 to have it placed on my forearm 😎. As for the size, I wasn’t sure how big to go, although looking back now, I think I would have been fine with bigger size (but I don’t regret my current tattoo at all!).

Because I am a daddy’s girl (I literally call him everyday to chat), I ran my thought process by him to see how he’d react. When I first told him, there were a few seconds of silence before he said, “okay…”. He’s not the kind of person to force anyone to do/not do something, but I could tell he wasn’t really for or against it…I hate it when he has that stance 😂. For him, he just wasn’t used to the concept…even though tattoos have been a part of Indian culture for centuries 🤔.

I thought it over for a few more months, and I guess it was something I truly wanted, because I caught myself gazing at my forearm a number of times imaging something there…

But I wasn’t going to settle on any ol’ artist. At first, I stumbled upon Captured Tattoo in Tustin, CA, which was close to home and run by a former staff artist at LA Ink. I wasn’t too quick to jump into the seat though, as I wasn’t fully convinced that that was my shop.

I am convinced that big brother is monitoring me through social media (LOL) because as I was scrolling through my feed one day, Johnny Dagger’s profile popped up:

Johnny’s work—I highly recommend having him tattoo you!

My eyes were at attention immediately. I loved how simple and sharp his designs looked, and I was even more elated that he was in West Hollywood taking appointments at the beginning of the year.

So began my 2020…with a fresh tattoo…

My appointment with Johnny was on a Saturday afternoon in late January. I didn’t feel like driving ALL the way up from the OC, so I opted to take the train to Union Station and then take a Lyft from there to WeHo. The guy who dropped me off asked me what the building was when we arrived and I was like, “Oh, a tattoo shop”, after which he wished I stay safe 😂.

But Johnny’s studio is in a nice part of WeHo that I used to pass through a couple times when I lived in LA. I remember having dinner with my sis and her BF once at a nearby vegan restaurant, and since we were parked on hilly Sunset Blvd, we were gifted with some gorgeous sunset views after dinner!

But, I digress…my appointment was around 2pm, and after meeting Johnny, I showed him my friend’s design for my blooming lotus tattoo. He made some suggestions to make the design “tattoo-friendly” and then he got to work prepping his space. This consultation/prep time took about an hour in total.

I wasn’t too nervous going in—I was hyped up by my friends since I was messaging them before it was time to get inked! Things got real when my forearm was shaved, disinfected, and placed with a pattern of the design. I was all-in at this point and ready to go…and honestly?

I can only describe the feeling as “getting a blood draw but WAY less intense“. I mean, it really wasn’t painful at all! Of course, I tried to find anecdotes online about others’ tattoo experiences, and everyone had a differing opinion, so ultimately I just had to try it for myself.

And obviously, no regrets had by me:

After he was done, Johnny applied some water-proof adhesive over the tattoo to protect it from the elements (lol). Aftercare was pretty simple: I could apply lotion on it if the area was itchy, otherwise just have it protected from sunlight and I could peel it off in 4 days!

This tattoo cost me $200, which is a very fair price given the size, quality, and the fact that Johnny uses vegan ink (Panthera, I believe is the brand name).

I was a little bummed that the weather wasn’t warm enough for me to flaunt my new ink right away, but that at least guaranteed some protection. After 4 days, I was ready to peel—but not before I noticed weeping!

Tattoo weeping: a normal part of the healing process

I’m glad I read about this phenomeon before, otherwise I probably would have freaked out lol. It’s basically the new, fresh tattoo leaking plasma, no biggie 😂.

Right after I peeled off the adhesive, I regretted that I did not have lotion on hand because the area started to ITCH.

I started to see splotchy red spots right away!

I did not dare to touch the area, even though I felt like clawing off my skin. It’s an absolute test when it comes to resisting an itch!

Fortunately, the urgency of the itchiness dies down after a couple minutes (or I was distracted enough at work that I forgot about it). When I got home, I put some fragrance-free lotion on it right way, and since then, the tattoo has made itself cozy on my inner-forearm 🖤.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

You can say I’ve been bitten by the bug, because I’d love to get another tattoo (or multiple…) in the future, if there is meaning, I like the artist, and the timing is right. After my appointment, I spoke with my Dad and sent him pics as well, after which he semi-joked about not getting anymore tattoos…well, not too sure about that 😏.

I don’t want to credit my tattoo with giving me self-confidence, but it has definitely boosted it. I love having my arm exposed and casually going about my day, with people stopping to remind me that I even have a tattoo when they give a compliment.

Not too mention, I feel like a freakin’ badass not to be messed with 😎!

I feel like every woman should get a tattoo—what better way to feel empowered and on top of your world?

How do you feel about tattoos? Would you get one? Do you have one, or two, or multiple?

Pree July 3, 2020 Huntington Beach

For the Love of Animals

Reading Time: 7 minutes

I was born into a family that appreciated animals. My family is of the Brahmin caste, who in ancient times, were an educated class of Hindus that were renowned for their religious scholarship and respect for animals (hence, most Brahmins tend to practice vegetarianism).

Growing up, we didn’t have pets right away. Although, cats always found us…regardless of if we wanted them 😂!

UK circa ’97. A British kitty found an admirer in my sister with the bowl-cut.

As my sister and I got older, I never expressed my deep desire to have a pet because I really didn’t have such a desire…yet. My sister became the “animal lover” of the family, and by 5 years old, she was set on becoming a veterinarian.

To “prove” her love for animals, she would always request animal figurines as gifts for birthdays, holidays, good grades (lol), etc. Clifford the Big Red Dog was her favorite book series/show in kindergarten. She begged my parents for us to get a dog.

It seemed like she fit the animal lover role perfectly, so why did I need to do anything?

On one fateful October day, a furry child came to our driveway, and won my sister over like the picture taken in the UK above. She was a neighbor’s cat, but she chose us each and every day after her initial meeting with us. Tiger kept visiting us each evening, and my sister and I were in awe of such a beautiful tabby choosing to hang out with us over her owners, haha!

Those neighbors coincidentally were planning to move, and knew about Tiger’s whereabouts and visits to our house. Tiger, who we renamed Baby (because she was our baby!), chose us as her new family. Our hearts couldn’t be any more full.

Baby and I when I was in middle school. Excuse my unibrow—but what do you expect from a second gen desi pre-teen girl 😂 #HairyGenes

Baby was our fiesty, sweet companion for many years. She saw me from third grade all the way through my first years in graduate school. She could snap a bite, rip off mouse heads and gift us with the body 😮, or sit elegantly in her “puff” (or loaf as most cat aficionados call it) on all sorts of things—blankets, math homework, ironing tables, etc.

She was our angel.

In 2015, my parents left California for Oklahoma, and Baby, who was an outdoor cat and well-adapted to northern Californian flora and fauna, had a crisis for the entire road trip. My sister remembers with horror the visceral growls Baby made—the vomiting, the fear radiating from her glass eyes—and how it was a mortifying experience she hopes to never have to repeat with a cat ever again.

We took Baby from the only home she’d ever known because we thought we were doing the right thing not to abandon her, but maybe we should have left her to roam free in the land she knew like the back of her paw. She did alright in Oklahoma for the first year and a half, but then developed a lung infection that only got worse with time…

Baby passed away in July 2017, and it was the first time I heard my Dad cry since his mother passed away 15 years earlier. My heart hurt over the phone when he made the phone call. Baby wasn’t “his” in the beginning, but as she grew older and as my sister and I moved on to college, she found a companion in my Dad, and he in her ❤.

I don’t care what anyone says, animals have an alluring power over us, and touch our souls in places that are hard to reach.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Despite touting daily facts about animals, binge-watching Meerkat Manor, and consuming countless books about cat and dog care, I began to see changes in my sister when she reached the end of middle school. One day, she looked at her giant bucket of animal figurines and said, “I think I’m going to donate these.”

I was in shock…my baby sister? Self-proclaimed animal lover…was giving up on, animals? She assured us all nothing was changing, but as she finished high school and entered college, her heart wasn’t set on veterinary medicine anymore. Her reasons were non-animal related from what she expressed to us, but it saddened me to see this change in her.

And surprisingly, as she drifted away from her overflowing fascination with animals, mine started to grow…

I think my desire to be near animals grew in the later years of my PhD training. The long days and nights feeling alone must have gotten to me after the adrenaline of work began to fade away as I got closer to graduation. I used to share with my Dad that only animals could make me smile at that point. Scrolling through Instagram, I would end up sharing the cutest videos of cats playing patty-cake or dogs cuddling with their owners. He suggested that I should seek out an animal shelter to volunteer at in my free time. Perhaps that would help me de-stress and relax, as well have a good excuse to hang out with fur babies since I didn’t have any of my own!

I started volunteering at a shelter in Huntington Beach in the fall of 2019. I came in thinking I was a cat/small dog person, and while I felt comfortable around large dogs, I didn’t think I was qualified enough to work with them compared to other volunteers.

Plus, many of the volunteers that came on weekends were set on walking the larger dogs, leaving the smaller guys neglected. I didn’t mind spending time with them…I enjoyed the company of stout chihuahuas, stubborn terriers, and mop look-alike poodle mixes. My favorites were the ones that yearned to run, and were ready to get into step with me once I picked up the pace.

I was all smiles with Happy, a fluffy Samoyed with quite a BORK!

And whenever a dog was relaxed enough to roll around on the grass and expose it’s belly, my heart rejoiced. I always obliged to give a darling doggeh a belly rub!

Wilbur is literally a tiger dog! I only walked him once but he got comfortable quick, hence the exposed belly <3 !

I realized that I actually am a big dog person after seeing that, while some of the small dogs I worked with liked to run, the bigger dogs needed it and appreciated it a ton! In the following months, I developed a penchant for shiba inus, cattle dogs, and of course huskies!

Quincy was the smallest husky I’ve ever seen. And he had the biggest paws!

But the dog I bonded with the most was a husky named Jax.

All he needed was someone to run with him, understand that he needed to release his pent-up anxiety, and that he would not be a prisoner forever. I’m glad that I was able to run with him during my shifts at the shelter…he needed it for his sanity.

I’m frustrated that the Game of Thrones hype around wolf-like dogs (huskies) spurred on the adoption of so many dogs of this active lifestyle breed, and that people who naively took on the responsibilities of handling this type of dog gave up so easily. Huskies are loving, loyal, beautiful dogs, but they need mental stimulation, daily exercise, and humans that understand that. Jax was known as “uncontrollable” and “too hyper” at the shelter by the workers and volunteers, and I’m honored that I was able to excavate Jax’s true personality…even if it cost me arm scratches, sore glutes from sprints around the park, and mud-soaked sweatpants!

Anything for the one you love, I guess?

When I’m in a comfortable position with my career and truly have a place of my own, I’d love to have pets to cherish and adore! It would be a dream to have a sanctuary of some sort, where I can let cats, dogs, pigs, cows, racoons, capybaras, possums, pangolins, ducks, chickens, and so many more creatures that have captured my heart run free.

This guy was at the shelter too! Such a cutie pie.

My friends laugh when I share this daydream of mine with them, but only animals have the power to make me smile my brightest. It’s impossible not to love creatures so loving and innocent…

And to think that the actions of humanity can impact the lives of other species in a positive or negative way? It’s scary that we have so much influence over the lives of creatures that don’t have a voice.

To me, I think we need to take this responsibility seriously, whether one “likes” animals or not.

Are you an animal lover?

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Since we are on the topic of animal love, I thought it’d be a good time to mention the recent work of a fellow SGD, Adi from Edison, NJ! I came across CheeseDosa, his short story collection after reading about his own experience with a heartwarming doggo in his post, My Shelter. I loved this story of a courageous dog melting hearts, so I reached out. We got to talking, and he mentioned his project CheeseDosa: a book of short stories he is making by hand and selling on Kickstarter. He’s also making it possible for 33% of the sale revenue (not just profits) to go towards the Orange County Humane Society (where I met Jax and all my beautiful dog friends) if you back the project using the link above.

I’m all for supporting voices of color, especially those that share my background and experiences, and getting those voices out into the world. I highly recommend checking out his project and blog via the links above!

Pree June 26, 2020 Vancouver

Female Solo-ing in Vancouver

Reading Time: 8 minutes

❗Disclaimer❗ This is a travel guide written based on my experiences with solo travel. Your experiences may very well be different—I’m hoping that my “adventures” serve as some kind of inspiration for yours 😉

——————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ——————————————————

Vancouver is the perfect city for a female traveler to go exploring on her own, without much hassle and worry. I paid a visit to this city of “Beautiful British Columbia” over (US) Thanksgiving break last year, and it turned out to be a pleasantly peaceful weekend to satisfy my ever-growing wanderlust.

View of Downtown Vancouver from Stanley Park

I booked this flight back in August, about 3 months before the trip. I used Scott’s Cheap Flights as a guide, and it was actually an e-mail from them that prompted me to book a flight! I think I paid less than $300 USD round trip! Interestingly, it was cheaper to fly to another country Thanksgiving weekend than it was to another state within the US 😂 #SupplyAndDemand

This was also my third international trip as a female solo traveler. My first two were in Barcelona and parts of Sweden, both of which had their ups and downs, but Vancouver just felt perfect on all fronts. It helped to be in a good mood going in, but many of the following things contributed to my conclusions about Vancity:

WHERE TO STAY

I flew out on WestJet from LAX the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. Because I still had to go to work that day, my flight was at night, and I arrived close to 10pm. Uber/Lyft is not available to Vancity (at least when I went) so I had to take a cab from the airport to my Airbnb in Downtown Vancouver.

The taxi cost about $30 USD, and wasn’t too bad since that’s usually how much is costs to get to LAX with Lyft in my experience. My Airbnb was located in a high rise near Gastown, on the 27th floor! While the views were gorgeous, the room I was renting out of the condo was literally the size of a closet! I guess you get what you paid for, and I paid about $250 for four nights, and the convenience of being so close to all the great city spots. Also, my Airbnb host had a cute frenchie 🐕 that would greet me with a plushie in his mouth, lol!

THINGS TO DO

This city is perfect if you like to walk around and explore things on foot. I pretty much walked everywhere, except for getting to-and-from the airport. I took the bus when I went to Capilano but walked back to downtown, and was served some of the most beautiful views ever despite the long walk back!

So, TL;DR, just walk everywhere! It’s fun, and you can justify all those amazing calories you’ll consume while exploring Vancity 😉

✰STANLEY PARK✰

Stanley Park is a gorgeous, expansive nature-lover’s paradise! There are plenty of bay, forest and rocky views. I kept a lookout for animals, but only saw Canadian geese, ducks, seagulls, and of course the many breeds of domesticated dog!

I wonder how much blubber these babes have stored, cause dang it was cold when I visited!!

It’s not a park unless there are duck denizens!

One of the main reasons SP was on my go-see list was because of the Totem Poles. I love finding unique statues and historic sites in places I visit, in what are seemingly places that are common all over (like parks).

I passed through SP on all of the days I was in Vancouver. SP was my prime destination on the first day. On the second day, it was part of my morning run route, and on the third day, it was my final leg of a long walk back from the Capilano Suspension Bridge!

So I guess even if it’s not on your to-do list, it’ll somehow make it’s way into it!

✰GRANVILLE ISLAND (& MARKET)✰

Using Google Maps to walk to GI can be tricky, but I triumphed!

The air was quite chilly the day I went, so I was shivering as I was walking towards the island, despite wearing my layers, puffy coat, gloves and beanie!

I was low-key disappointed in what I found though…don’t get me wrong, some of the shops I walked into had cute, novelty Canadian souvenirs and plenty of things to peruse through, but I guess I was expecting there to be more stuff to do…

I did venture into the Granville Island Market…that was packed.

If I had been in a hungrier mood, you better believe I would have bought up most of the market 😂! There were SO much to choose from—fruits, cheeses, fudge, candies, cookies, gelato, fresh pasta, etc.!

But, what was silly ol’ me craving?

I took this piping hot cup outside, and found a nice bench by the water to sit, relax, rest my legs, and take in the views…

✰CAPILANO SUSPENSION BRIDGE✰

Alright, I’m gonna be 100% honest about this one. CSB is overpriced, and not worth the trip for anyone sensitive to motion-sickness! Walking across the bridge was more of a doozy than I expected it to be…

The views from the bridge are so fresh and green, but I was getting headaches and low-key dizzy from walking across the wavy bridge…

I would recommend—if you do decide to make CSB a stop on your Vancity trip—to come after eating a proper meal. Come bundled up if you visit during the winter like I did. I think part of the reason I grew bored of the attraction was due to the fact I was already doing a lot of walking on the trip, haha!

THINGS TO EAT

Since I was staying near Gastown, I had plenty of cafes, coffee houses restaurants to choose from! I didn’t have the best appetite on this trip, but when I did feel that hunger coming, I made sure to sate it with foods I was craving and visiting places worth checking out.

49th Parallel Coffee Roasters was a place I bookmarked on Instagram because they have a partnership with Lucky Donuts, and those donuts look BOMB.

I went to one of their shops on Thurlow St. in Downtown. As I was waiting in line, my appetite for a donut started to sink. The donuts looked gorgeous, but I just wasn’t feeling that sweet tooth vibe for whatever reason…so I got a cappuccino and a breakfast sandwich called The Avo. Made with eggs, avocado, mayo and sweet tomato paste, this was a perfect breakfast sandwich to refuel with after a morning run!

Other great breakfast/coffee places included Prado Cafe, where I had a beetroot latte to warm me up (in the most literal sense!) before a morning run.

PappaRoti had an amazing Mushroom & Jarlsberg Cheese Quiche, which I had with a mildly-sweet cafe latte, and also before a morning run!

Mushroom & Jarlsberg Quiche with Spicy Mayo, PappaRoti

Plenty more delicious food was had! Scroll through the pics below to see for yourself 🤤

Crispy Chikun Burger (vegan!) ⭐ MeeT in Gastown

Butter Chik’n Poutine (vegan and spicy!) ⭐ MeeT in Yaletown

Vegan Mint Chip & Sugar Cookie Cardamom ⭐ Earnest Ice Cream

SAFETY
I felt comfortable and safe in Vancouver, throughout my stay. Yes, I will admit that I may have a slight advantage having lived in LA…since I lived in -between South Central and DTLA in my first two years of graduate school, I wasn’t too intimidated by Canada!

I relied on walking for most of my trip, and felt super comfortable. Of course, I took general precautions and did not stay out very late or in dark, isolated areas, but besides taking general precautions, Vancouver (in my opinion) is a friendly destination for the female solo traveler.

Safe to walk across Burrard Bridge at night.

FIVE OBSERVATIONS

✰Vancouver is a city of bridges, I just couldn’t avoid them 🙂 !✰

Cambie Bridge Crossing w/ views of Downtown

✰Fudge is just as popular—if not more—than maple syrup!✰

Mouth-watering fudge at Granville Island Market!

✰Vancouver is a city meant for people who like the outdoors and to be active!✰

✰ The night views are epic. ✰

✰ Tim Horton’s: a Canadian symbol, but not worth the hype. ✰

A simple egg & cheese muffin sandwich w/ black coffee. Sandwich was so dry ><

THE NOT SO GREAT

Honestly, there wasn’t much to complain about in my opinion! Sure, there was no break from the cold, but what do you expect at the end of November in Canada? Funnily enough, it was raining and cloudy in LA during the days I was in Vancouver, and despite being in the low-mid 30s F, the sun was out on most days!

The people are friendly, the neighborhoods are safe, and the views are incredible. I’d say the city is too laidback for me to call it home (lol) but it is the perfect city for a novice female solo traveler to spread her wings and not worry too much 🙂

FOR THE FEMALE WHO…

Loves convenient public transit

Loves to daydream

Loves wildlife

So, if your starting out as a female solo traveler and need an easy-peasy (but beautiful) place to explore, Vancouver is an excellent choice!

——————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 —————————————————-

Have you ever visited Vancouver?

Pree February 23, 2020 Los Angeles

The Path of a (Second Gen) Desi

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Conceptualized February 14, 2020

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

I have a cousin on my mother’s side named Radhika (name changed for privacy). I remember playing with Radhika at extended relatives’ weddings in the early 2000s. I was only 7-years-old, but I picked up on several things:

✏️ Radhika was a “lucky” Indian-born millennial. She was born in ’86, meaning she was at the right age to enjoy the perks of India in the late-90s/early-00s: Hrithik Roshan movies, coding homework on a bulky PC monitor, and constant access to Cadbury’s chocolate (this was definitely a perk for her as seen through my 7-year-old eyes).

✏️ Though she never mentioned it, I had a feeling that she was mentally planning for a future abroad, even though she was always cognizant of the traditions at family functions I saw her attend.

✏️ I felt “special” to think that this teenager, six years older than me, wanted to play with me. Entertain me. She could have easily nestled into a group of older women and chatted with them in “adult fashion” versus running around with young children, but she chose me. And that made me feel damn good about myself.

At an age when my sis and I enjoyed life without questions…

It was almost as if I knew the change that was approaching. As I grew older, our trips to India remained consistent, but interactions with Radhika grew shorter to the point that they disappeared altogether. The last time I saw her in India was when I was 10, and when we came back when I was in middle school, she had already left for college.

Rifts between family members caused us to lose contact with her for sometime. Eventually, more than a decade later, she reappeared in my life.

She was married. She was settled in Dallas, in a large house. And she had a baby boy. Most would say she was living the dream many first-gens crave for…

She was only six years older than me, but she seemed to have checked off everything she needed to accomplish as a high-caste, desi woman by 30:

✔️ Go to college (undergrad), and specialize in IT, biology, or medicine, but preferably IT.

✔️ Find a job abroad. Any “first-world”, white-majority country should cut it. UK, Canada, Australia, sure, but you know “you’ve made it” if you settle in the US 🙄

✔️ Get married. Better to do it in your late-20s or you’re pushing it!

✔️ Have kids! Gotta propagate more STEM babies!

I word this “checklist” with dry humor, but also with a note of frustration. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for Radhika. Though I feel angered that family rifts distanced us for some time, I’m glad that she reconnected with us, and that we at least have an idea of how she’s doing.

I’m more frustrated by the times I’ve felt this checklist imposed on me, despite being a second gen. Whether it be from distant relatives or my own father, it has been a struggle to demonstrate that my background, my trials and tribulations, and life goals for myself are not in line with the list desi parents normally have for their children…

✖️ I did go to undergrad, and majored in Cell Biology. My social experiences (or lack thereof) were abysmal, given that I was battling depression and an eating disorder. It was a miracle I was able to sit in for exams, let alone make it to class on some days…

✖️ Growing up in California was not bad, but I think I probably could have been happy anywhere as a kid, as long as my environment was nurturing and safe. Knowing that I lived in a state many people dreamed of living in made me feel guilty sometimes when I thought about how much I wish my parents had stayed in India before starting a family. In my formative years, I was dying to feel like I belonged in a culture of a country that held people wishing to be in my position. My Dad would never let me forget I was American…but if so, why did certain things that we never discussed in detail before have to follow…tradition?

✖️ Like, marriage. Or an “alliance” as my folks like to call it. As much as my father is a progressive and forward-thinking man, our recent, later-in-life talks about relationships and family have convinced me that he’d prefer that I marry a desi man—shared culture and all that (?).

And that’s honestly something I struggle with in my head…so much to the point that I’d rather not risk joining the dating game in case I fall for someone who’s not of my ethnicity…there’s no risk in not trying, right?

There’s also the fear and possible reality that I may not find someone who checks off on shared values, interests, and goals in life. He can be desi, but what’s the point if we have nothing in common at all?

And on top of that, what if…

✖️ I don’t ever feel the urge to have kids? I don’t feel like my biological clock is ticking (it’s more like I’m tapping the mic🎤 going, “Is this thing on?“). Perhaps not having a period for almost 6 years when I was in my late teens/early 20s due to an eating disorder created turbulence in my lady hormone profile (who knows?), but when I see a human baby, I’ll admit they’re cute, but my heart does infinite cartwheels and backflips when I see a doggo or a cat.

Only animals 🐕 have the power to make me smile my brightest 😄☀️

My heart yearns for an animal companion, or twenty, haha! I’d rather have a sanctuary of dogs, cats, pigs, cows, racoons, possums, capybaras, etc. than plan for a pregnancy and a baby 😮, if I’m being honest…

Maybe this will change as I get older, as I nestle into my 30s, but my personal experiences and life journey have made me develop a different mindset at this point. The thing is, I don’t know if that will change, and why should it have to 🤷?

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

As much as I’ve tried to conform to what I thought was the ‘ideal’ path of becoming a desi woman, I realized that I would never be able to achieve this. As a young girl, I used to think that purposefully being quiet, saying that math was my favorite subject when it wasn’t, and not daring to even look at a boy was my way of signaling to the world that I was a good desi girl.

But fortunately, I woke up. In my mid-twenties, my tumultuous experiences in grad school, eating disorder recovery, and new, burgeoning crushes on ~~men~~ (emotionally immature) boys pushed me to change my perspective on things that I used to be stalwart about.

I’m a woman who’s not afraid to look up and dream big ❤️

It hit me when I was spending long days and nights in the lab, and my emotions were raw and I felt the loneliest I ever remember feeling. Why should I try to be something I’m not, especially for people who aren’t even supporting me at my lowest point in life?

Slowly, I began to learn about self-acceptance, and owning my true self. My path has been different and will continue to be different, and I’ve realized that, even if it seems hard and could be difficult at times to convince those closest to me that my decisions are sound and right for me, I need to do what is best for me no matter what.

And so this is where I currently stand: I am not getting married any time soon. And if I do, it’ll be based on shared interests, morals, and goals in life, not necessarily anything else…

I want a home full of animals to care for and love. I yearn for that more than having kids on my own. This might not be the “normal” goal for many, but it’s mine and one that I truly want to achieve.

I’ve worked so hard for a PhD, so you bet I’d want to continue growing in my career. If that means traveling around the world and not settling in one place permanently, then maybe that’s what I’ll do. Mr. Right, if he exists, won’t mind the nomadic journey either 😉.

If you’re a SGD struggling with your path, the best thing you can do for yourself is give your heart full rein.

What are your truest passions and dreams? If no one was around you to judge or say “no”, what would you do in a heart beat?