Running Reflections

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Running has been a serious part of my life for about nine years—it has evolved from checking off races and writing recaps, to focusing on my training and trying to adopt the stance of an athlete. It’s hard to believe that the last race I ran took place almost two years ago, but that was a break I absolutely needed.

As I write up this reflection, I’m seeing how much of an impact running has had on my physical and mental health in the last decade. There’s so much more I want to accomplish in this sport, and I can only hope that my “break” from training has refreshed my motivation reserves to pursue race goals this year and in the near future…

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I hated running as a kid, but I surprisingly did cross-country for one year in middle school, in an effort to list it as an extra-curricular activity for college apps. Turns out colleges don’t care what you did before high school…so they never knew about how much I despised being the only brown girl on the “team” and the second-slowest one at that!

I was relieved to kick running aside once I got to high school, choosing to focus on tennis instead. My Dad was also thrilled about this, and we spent many off-season afternoons practicing at community park courts.

I was good for a high school kid, but not good enough to make it to the collegiate level, so I was “sport-less” once again in college. Running as a sport came across my mind again after stumbling upon blog posts by bloggers who detailed their racing adventures in “race recaps”. I was so inspired by one particular blogger’s running journey, that I signed up for my first race in 2012, at a local Turkey Trot.

My average pace was around 10:00/mi at the time—nothing special, but timing wasn’t my goal. I was excited to run all the local races I could, and post my own race recaps!

I was still struggling with an eating disorder when I picked up running during this time. The fact that I was running and exerting energy through a physical sport was somewhat convincing for my brain, “allowing” me to consume more on days I ran, but counting calories was still an obsession…

When I moved to Los Angeles for graduate school, I stumbled upon a marathon training team. Prior to that, I never thought I would train for a marathon, but something about combining running with camaraderie and setting new distance goals seemed highly appealing at the time.

Before I knew it, I crossed the finish of my first marathon in March 2015.

But given the state my body was in, I had to make a critical decision: choose recovery so that running would be a sustainable activity for life, or continue on a path of restriction and running until my body crumbed from overexertion and inadequate fuel.

I chose the former, and while I battled negative body image thoughts for another year after getting myself to a healthy weight, at least I was now at a point where I could get in shape to compete healthily.

So in the training cycle for my third marathon in LA, I was finally seeing progress. I was running workouts with my teammates at paces ranging from 7:30-8:24/mi on “fast” days, and my endurance was the best it had ever been.

It got me a PR of 3:57:53, in March 2017.

After this marathon, things continued to feel right with running. I had a marathon in San Diego booked for two months later, and I had fun piggy-backing off of my LA marathon training, and finding and working with a coach. The race time I got in San Diego was comparable to LA, and it only pushed me to want more out of my training—to really push the envelope on my pacing and time goals.

But things started to sour in late 2017. I had agreed with my coach to switch to forefoot running (to get away from heel striking) in an effort to make my running more energy-efficient. This took me about six months to get used to, and shook me up during my fall marathon training cycle.

My times were getting “slow” again. What was this coach doing?

I ran my third marathon for the year—fifth one total—in November 2017: the Route 66 Marathon in Tulsa. The race itself was an awful experience due to the piercing cold weather and my own issues with bowel movements and breathing. After the race, I suffered with a bout of shin splints, and I figured it was time for a clear break from training.

Unfortunately, these issues didn’t disappear in 2018. I was plagued with breathing issues, bowel problems, fatigue coinciding with PMS, and chest tightness. This was also paired with mental fatigue, since I had pent up frustration from not being able to meet my next-level goals.

At one point in the year, I ran a race in Orange County and completely lacked the enthusiasm I normally had for races. I didn’t take out my phone to take pictures, and I felt irritable throughout my time on the course. I eventually walked some of the race—something I never did for distances less than 26.2 miles—and called it quits early.

So I thought 2019 would be a fresh start, but running LA that year proved to be nothing special. I then made the more serious decision not to participate in anymore races until I was ready to compete with a pace (and mind) I was happy with.

Then, 2020 happened, and it was as if taking a break from races was pre-planned for me by the universe!

It wasn’t until later in the year—after settling in Italy—that I started to think about having a new approach to training. My ultimate goal was—and still is—to get faster. To eventually be able to compete at the elite level. The past few years have been a challenge in regards to staying in line with this goal, but I didn’t want to lose hope.

Back in September 2020, I wanted to start training again, smartly.

These were humbling realizations, but having them when I did was probably pre-mature, looking back. I was struggling with handling work demands—and adapting to a new life in general—with my energy levels, so many of the weeks in late 2020 were much like before. I ran when I could, but just to keep with a routine. I still lacked the energy required to hit the time goals I desired.

At least when I did venture out to run, I tried to appreciate my surroundings and take in the nice, peaceful moments of nature when they happened…

I’ve also been incredibly lucky to spend so much time in Como… it’s the perfect backdrop for weekend runs near the fresh mountain air…

And at least now, I can say I’ve run in the snow 😅? Not the best setting for marathon training, but a fun way to ring in the new year…

…so was running 40 miles for the last week of 2020, my highest weekly mileage of 2020 since the summer.

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It’s hard to predict how racing will look after the mess that was 2020, but I hope I can finally get back to a “training 2.0” of sorts.

I have my eyes on some marathons that are tentatively scheduled in late April/May here in Italy, but since anything can happen, I’m also ready to figuratively run in place… my goal is to be ready for whatever comes.