second gen desi – Page 6 – ⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆

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Disclaimer: this post is not sponsored! I am not receiving any compensation from thredUP for this post. Just reporting on my experience and pushing everyone I know to give thrifting a go!

One of my colleagues in Italy recently told me I would have fun checking out the “saldi” since it’s that season in Milan right now…

But 1) nothing is on sale in Milan unless you got to Primark or H&M, and you will never catch me making purchases from those “fast fashion monsters” ever again and 2) I’d honestly rather thrift and feel good about doing my part to live sustainably.

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A few months back, I wrote about my journey with “fashion” and figuring out the best way to manage a tidy, sustainable closet. Definitely check out that post if you haven’t yet!

I was keeping the concept of “sustainability” in my mind even before the concept of “fast fashion” exploded in the media. To me, I could never fathom the idea of spending an irresponsible amount of money on piles of clothes I’d never wear.

I’m also very type-A, and an excel sheet is involved in my organization methods…

So that’s why I don’t go “shopping” anymore. Except maybe for essentials like running shoes, socks, and underwear…but even those are 1-2x a year purchases 😛.

When it comes to clothes? Ladies and gentleman, we have a dire problem on our hands. We need to start acting responsibly when it comes to our textile purchases.

And just in case you didn’t know—ya’ll, it’s okay to thrift.

One site I’ve grown fond of recently is thredUP. They’ve been around for a while, but I recently took advantage of them since I was trying to change up my wardrobe this year because of 1) a new job (no more lazy lab-researcher-at-the-bench looks!) and 2) a desire to change things up!

After selling locally at resell shops in Houston, I put together a collection of clothes and shoes I wasn’t able to sell, and packaged it for thredUP. thredUP is an online “thrift” site where you can send in clothes to try and sell, or buy clothes that have been sent in by others. You can filter out clothes by brand, size, and quality (brand new with tags all the way to “good” condition).

Even clothes that qualify as “good” condition are heavily vetted.

If any of your sent items are passed, they are responsibly recycled according to their FAQ.

They also give a very generous first-timers discount (about 50% off most listed items + free shipping). I took advantage of this code recently, and made way with some very snazzy items if I do say so myself…

I got all of this for around $50, free shipping with my first-order promo code.

This collection included:

✨ Guess Sleeveless Blouse (New with tags)

✨ Ivory Ella Long Sleeve T Shirt (tie-dye style, excellent used condition)

✨ Black Winter Hollister Cardigan (New with tags, uhm what?!)

✨ Billabong Summer Dress (New with tags, again…anyone who’s ever shopped at PacSun knows that these surfer brands have a rep for being expensive!!)

✨ Victoria’s Secret (VSX) Sports Bra (NEW WITH TAGS! For $7.80!!)

✨ “Vintage Y2K” (Oh boy, this is what the kids are calling my teenhood 😭😭😭) Abercrombie and Fitch Blue Khaki Shorts (good used condition)

✨ The same “Vintage Y2K” (🙄🤦🏽‍♀️) Abercrombie and Fitch Blue Khaki Shorts (good used condition)

It averages to about $8 an item—not bad given the brands I was able to find and the brand new with tags quality!

Another cool thing about thrifting is you can go back in time to shop! LOL! I never got to wear Abercrombie in high school…I finally shopped there in college, but then took a break from it in recent years. Now, I feel like I can go back in time and live the teen years I observed others live from the sidelines 🤣

Take-aways:

🛍 Great for a buyer, okay for a seller – you’ll obviously find a lot more great bargains as a buyer, since the seller takes a brunt of the cost. After thredUP’s commission, you don’t get much for middle-of-the-road items. I recently sold a shirt from Old Navy for $0.39, but it was one I was not expecting to at all—in fact, I thought it was going to get recycled 😂!

🛍 Can save items over time, and make one purchase when you are ready – I’ve noticed that a lot of items have “likes” or are “sitting in someone’s cart”, but then they are still on the site for weeks. Just comes to show people love to browse passively but when it comes to buy time, most people don’t act! So this can be to your advantage, especially if you have a first-time code to use. You can browse for as long as you want, save items to your favorites, and buy everything together when you are ready (and take advantage of the FREE SHIPPING)!

🛍 Printable mail tag is useful whenever you want to ship out items that you’d otherwise donate or throw away – since January 2022, I’ve sent in three separate packages. Because of short-staffing issues, the shipments do take a while to sort through. For a package I sent in mid-February 2022, it didn’t get processed until end of May 2022! They did announce they are opening more facilities to help with processing incoming shipments, but this is something to be aware of in case you want cash fast.

🛍 Be aware of how sizing works – especially if you are interested in anything “used”. Because of wash and wear, fabric can stretch out and not really be true to tag.

This was the example with my shorts. One was tagged one size higher than the other, but the flat measurements ended up being the same! At least on thredUP, they measure things in a way that makes sense so it helps when deciding whether or not to purchase:

Two shorts, tagged as two different sizes, ended up having the same measurements more or less!

Also be aware of your item’s style—if it’s described high-waisted, the waist will be measured higher up.

Waist is one word that has thrown women off for centuries…

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If you want to give thredUP a try, click here for a $10 credit! Send some of your “old” stuff in, knowing it will end up in a new closet or responsibly recycled, and browse for “new” things for yourself while living sustainably 😉

Do you pay attention to your closet’s sustainability?

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I haven’t been in a wordy mood lately. Probably because I’ve been deep in thought and discussion about recent world and domestic events.

Whenever touchy subjects come up in daily conversation, I think back to this post I wrote. It’s healthy to have opinions and free discourse—that’s when learning and growth happens—what isn’t so great is when someone forces their opinion on someone else and it impacts their lives negatively.

And I guess that’s politics in a nutshell: a constant back-and-forth between (primarily) two dominant groups who believe “the other guy” is wrong.

I personally try to take the approach of never forcing anyone to agree with me, but I do my best to lead by example. I take the time to educate myself about topics—political, social, cultural—and will of course come into my opinions based on what I’ve learned, the experiences I’ve had, and the stories I’ve heard from others (whether they’ve had similar or different experiences from mine).

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Being a scientist and very much into primary sources and sharing links (lol), I wanted to share some resources that could be helpful in the coming months as we near the midterms. Even if you’re a reader who is not an American citizen, sharing this info with your American friends would do wonders…

If you haven’t already, register to vote:

If you are able to vote in the upcoming midterms (Tuesday, November 8th), please take the time to register now and start doing your research on the state officials who will be on your ballot this fall: https://vote.gov/

Not all states allow for online registration, so it’s best to take care of things well before deadlines.

Vote, even if you’ll be overseas:

If you are an American citizen working overseas, here’s the link to register with the state that you consider your domicile:

Federal Voting Assistance Program: https://www.fvap.gov/

If it’s been a while since you last resided in the US, you can still vote:

More information on who qualifies: https://www.fvap.gov/citizen-voter/voting-residence

Volunteer to help others register to vote or on election day:

Remind others who are able to vote to register too. If you have the time and are able to do so, volunteer to help register voters or get people to the polls on election day. “Overly complicated or challenging registration processes are one of the most common forms of voter suppression, and they disproportionately impact communities of color”: this blog post lists five ways to volunteer

An interesting map…

My deep thoughts and discussions with others in recent days lead me to this striking visual:

https://reproductiverights.org/maps/worlds-abortion-laws/

It is a global map showing how abortion laws are carried out throughout the world. Regardless of where one stands on the issue, I think the map is pretty powerful in demonstrating how even on a global scale, accessibility stands at being completely prohibited to completely unrestrictive.

I prefer sharing informational resources vs. screenshots of so-called Twitter saviors 😉

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We are living in really heated times, and it’s important to remember we are all processing things differently. Some people will get snappy for what seems like no reason, but we’re all going through something, even if it seems like the world is after only us.

Be open-minded. Be proactive. But most of all, be kind.

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The first time I visited Las Vegas was back in the summer of 2005, right before the start of eighth grade. I was too concerned with how my adolescent body was transforming into something I detested. Tight pants and oily skin pushed me into a cranky mood the entire time I was with my family, but the trip itself was certainly memorable.

We stayed at the Luxor (the Egyptian pyramid casino) but walked around in the scorching heat while trying to seek solace in the neighboring air-conditioned casinos. At the time, I was thankful we didn’t live there, and I couldn’t imagine how people could live there! I also had a “scary” memory during which I used a treadmill at a hotel gym on the way back home to Northern California. I happened to trip and fall, scrape my knee, and my vision turned red for a good minute. I was lucky to be able to get back up to the room where my family was, but it certainly freaked everyone out. I had to wear long skirts for the first two weeks of 8^th grade…talk about making a “cool” first impression!

The next time I would return to Vegas would be 10 years later…when I ran the Rock n Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon with Team Challenge, an organization that raises funds for the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation. I stayed at the LINQ, but it was a short weekend trip since the focus was on the race. I did treat myself to a cannoli and hot chocolate from Buddy Valastro’s famous cake shop at the Venetian. I’ll always remember what foods I had…

My best friend moved out to Vegas around that time as well, and multiple trips followed. In 2017, I visited for a blogger’s conference (back when I was an eager food blogger!) and for NYE. In 2019, my sister and I flew out in the dead of summer, but it was a nice girls’ get-together, and a fun opportunity to explore Vegas non-Strip, which I prefer. It was around this time vegan restaurants began to pop up, along with Californians escaping rising state taxes and unaffordable housing.

My last trip to Vegas before Italy was a weekend trip to celebrate my bestie’s birthday. We made the mistake of going to Omnia Nightclub and having a mediocre time. Right before the dawn of COVID, we were being rammed to the wall unable to breathe for a hot minute, while Steve Aoki made his grand appearance to screaming crowds.

My best friend posing with the mural she made for work, at the Strat casino!

It was definitely an experience.

Because of COVID and Italy, the next time I wound up in Vegas was earlier this year in March. It was again, a nice weekend getaway to catch-up with my bestie and enjoy vegan restaurants and cute cafes off-Strip. The funny thing is, I’ll be back AGAIN for work in November! Just so happens the next big expo on our line-up will be held in Vegas…lucky me 😅.

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My most recent excursion to the desert’s gem however, was (last week) for a girl’s trip on Strip. It’s been interesting to see how the city has changed, and in a lot of aspects, for the better.

Below are my thoughts from my past experiences in Vegas and my current stay. Perhaps they can be points to ponder if you ever decide to make a trip to Vegas in the near future:

1) Vegas is becoming more vegetarian and vegan-friendly

Which is something I am absolutely happy to see occurring! I think it stems from the Californian exodus, since a lot of the vegan/vegetarian restaurants actually come from Cali!

For example, Crossroads Kitchen just opened at Resorts World Casino, the latter of which is also relatively new (2021). It’s an upscale, all-vegan restaurant only open for dinner (5-11pm), and serves (mostly) Italian and Mediterranean-inspired dishes.

My friends and I enjoyed an evening here and had a vegan take on everything from carbonara to lumpia (I know that’s Filipino, but still, haha).

Urth Caffe is another example, although it is not completely vegetarian or vegan. It’s another example of how popular Californian staples are making their way to Vegas, and I’m sure glad this SoCal favorite has.

2) Beware of “Vegas Throat”

So I had no idea this was a thing, but “Vegas Throat” is indeed a thing. For most mornings of my trip, I woke up with a very sore throat, mildly bloody nose (or indication of bleeding via dried mucus…), and overall irritation. This year has apparently been very dry in the desert, so come equipped with anything that might help—chapstick, water bottles, a humidifier even? Lol!

3) Bring a blanket

Because the air conditioning in casinos and hotels is CRAZY. I brought all the shorts and sleeveless tops, but one thing I wish I brought was at least a light sweater. We spent a lot of our day hours inside, and at some points I was actually shivering!

4) Invest in a show

I’ve only been to one Vegas show (not counting the free ones some casinos hold), which was with my friend during my Dec. 2019 trip, but I think if you’re going to spend time on the Strip and spend that $$, might as well have the chance to get dressed up and support local artists vs. gambling it all away…just my humble opinion.

There are so many shows to choose from—comedy, acrobatic, concert—and they’re not all “x-rated”, which is refreshing.

And if shows are not your thing, there is always the Waldor Astoria Tea Lounge…

5) “Cheap” has bumped up a level

Gone are the days of free breakfast buffets and generous discounts. Cheap on the Strip is at least $15 for a Starbucks coffee and pastry or sandwich/wrap. If you don’t eat meat, it saves a few bucks, but meals do add up. It’s a wise decision to pack some snacks bought at home, as well as OTC medicine like Tylenol or ibuprofen. Us girls all reached some level of sickness towards the end of our stay (one of us with full-blown COVID and another one with a simple cold, lol), and while our friend did come with some medication not thinking too much about whether or not we’d use it, we ended up going to a CVS on the Strip paying more than what we should for the essentials we were missing…

6) You can split your bill in the most unique ways, don’t feel bad about it

I love how you can show up to most restaurants in Vegas (heck, America for that matter) in a group, and have no issues with splitting the check in the way most convenient for the customer. One of our dinner bills was paid by two people in cash, and the rest by two credit cards of two other people! In the mix of all that, we were even able to split our items out specifically to who ordered what. They’d go feral in Italy if you try to attempt this method of payment! 😂

Some other things that come to my mind:

Cheap, central place to stay on the Strip – Treasure Island

Try new, dietary-friendly cuisines and enjoy brand new facilities – Resorts World

Best watermelon gelato – Pizzeria Pronto (inside the Venetian)

Get a scoop of the Watermelon Sorbet and thank me later!

Best time to exercise outdoors – 5-8am

Most vibrant casino – Cosmopolitan (so many awesome restaurants and cafes with a trendy vibe)

Most creative cocktail bar – The Chocolate Bar (my friends made at least three visits here during NYE 2017, lol)

Great place for high tea – Waldorf Astoria Tea Lounge (they make a fantastic veggie-friendly high tea selection…just look at these sweets!)

Classy, beautiful place to stroll around – Wynn (since my first trip in 2005, Wynn has been my most favorite casino. It’s so elegant and serene, even when there are crowds…)

These Zimmerman dresses are the cutest! Would never spend 1k on a dress BUT find me a copy made sustainably and I’d be down.

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Vegas has definitely grown on me, and I think I have my bestie to thank for that, with Vegas having been her home base for the past seven years.

Unfortunately, due to inflation and the exodus of Californians to southwestern/southern states with “cheaper living”, housing prices have gone up incredibly in recent years. Only time will tell how things will be, but Vegas is definitely no longer one of those places to stick your nose up at as a “trashy city”.

For those who’ll never have the chance to escape to Rome or Paris or Bellagio or Venice, Las Vegas is the perfect place to experience the vibes of the world in the most American way possible 😉.

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Every trip I’ve made back to the US from Italy, since August 2021, has been surprisingly enlightening, and one thing is absolutely clear.

Italy will never be home. America is the parent I long had the “rebellious, teen phase” with, who I now realize has been there for me all along, waiting for me to come to my senses 😂.

I semi-kid, but in reality, I have had yet another epiphany.

Life has an interesting way of working. I look back on all the steps I’ve taken so far and do not regret a single event, although if I had the chance to go back in time with the knowledge I’ve gained, boy, I’d use it to my advantage.

I am grateful that my current job is a stepping stone for something greater in my career. True, the pay is less than what I’d like (I’m not exactly eager to transition to an Italian contract for that reason…), but my current role offers a lot of flexibility. There are still opportunities for me to stay connected stateside and I can only hope what I do now will build up to that future I envision.

I must admit that every time I am in the US though, it feels like a HUGE sigh of relief. It’s like I can finally remove a mask that was suctioned to my face for the longest time and I can breathe once again!

And I will also admit that, I probably wouldn’t feel so grateful for “America the beautiful” if it hadn’t been for my experience living abroad!

When I make my trips back to the US, I am so much more appreciative of…

Working in a coffee shop & Starbucks coffee

The idea of parking yourself in a coffee shop and working for hours is purely American. It’s rare to get away with that in Italy, except for maybe one or two shops that cater to the working tourist/digital nomad.

Even then, they play the game real well—pricey entry fees and still expensive coffee.

Starbucks ain’t cheap, but a $5 signature drink for unlimited hours of workspace and wifi? How can anyone complain.

I spent a recent Saturday morning parked at a Starbucks in North Houston to work on an important project for my job. It was the perfect occasion to try the new Chocolate Cold Brew (thanks to Allie for bringing it to my attention on her blog!).

I wasn’t a super fan of the drink, but the fact that I could order something “crazy” like that off a menu with 20+ other off-the-wall concoctions? That is American freedom at its finest.

Also, I now crave American Starbucks whenever I am back on US soil. Who even am I? 😅

Stores like Sprouts and Whole Foods

This goes along with the above—innovation when it comes to food products is pleasantly insane in the US. I have always loved Sprouts and Whole Foods because of the plethora of items they have in the vegetarian and vegan space. Sure, the price tag can be on the hefty side for WF especially, but food has always been my treat.

If I had to pick between access to all the “authentic” Italian gelati, pizza, and pasta or Sprouts/WF visits, I’d be crazy to give up the latter!

Anything but the metric system

Yes, I am a scientist, but Imperial is my comfort zone. In the lab, I can use metric all day long and not be bothered, but when I run, my distances are in miles. When I’m figuring out what to wear for the day, I can’t be bothered with Celcius. Give me Fahrenheit, baby 🔥 😂

I’ve been teased for my penchant of anything but metric, but how can you blame any American for that when it’s literally what we’ve grown up with? Changes don’t happen overnight. Jimmy Carter tried to “right our wrongs”, but the history books can tell you about that backlash. Now, I simply shrug my shoulders and say, “I’m not Google, can’t convert that for ya.” 😅

Love for running (and runners!)

When I met with a potential running coach based in Houston a few months back, I was telling him about how finding a group of runners in Milan has been unsuccessful for me, and how the “running culture” most of us are familiar with in the US just hasn’t seemed to permeate in Italy, to which he replied,

“So, they’re like how the US was 20 years ago?”

I couldn’t help but nod in agreement because it was (unfortunately) so true! Exercise and fitness in general seem to be more “trendy” in the US compared to Italy.

I love my solo runs, but I pine for the days I used to train with other passionate runners for the LA Marathon. It can be difficult to replicate that type of camaraderie elsewhere if there are barely any participants in the activity you love…

All the races I’ve run so far in 2022 have been in Texas. It honestly is a chore to navigate running culture and racing in Italy in comparison…

The art of negotiation

I’ve come to the realization that Italians really have a passion for the word “no” 😂. The firmness, the “no-I-can’t-do-anything-go-away” type attitude is infuriating, but also something I now chuckle to myself over. I’ve gotten into my share of arguments with US post office and DMV workers and the like, but at least these occasions had some level of reasoning and back-and-forth. In Italy, the language barrier doesn’t help, but even when I’ve had assistance from Italian speakers, I never got anywhere productive.

Either my “helpers” were too timid for the job, or the concept of negotiation simply does not exist…

A trip to a DMV in Texas a couple of months ago made me realize how good I’ve got it. Americans are always complaining about government offices, but compared to my experiences in Italy? It’s like night and day! Even if a headache is still part of the price to pay, there is always room for negotiation stateside.

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I will never shy away from being honest, especially on my own blog. When I was on IG, I kept this same sentiment, but did hold back at times in order not to “completely offend” expats/”lovers of Italy” I mutually followed. I wrote a post about opinions and how it’s healthy to listen and understand why one has a particular opinion. I normally recommend people to that link if they get a little upset about what I have to say 😏.

Being an expat is not always a fairy-tale adventure, but it can often help a lost soul find her purpose, even if it means looking back and being grateful for her roots. And I think this is what my current expat experience is doing for me…

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Making friends as an adult is HARD work, but to be honest, making friends as a kid was just as exhausting!

My Dad used to tell me that apparently I was quite popular in Pre-K in the UK. When we moved back stateside, I also remember being quite giggly and playful on the playgrounds of Oklahoma. I have no idea where those girls I made quick friends with are now, but being six and seven was pure heaven!

When we moved to California, things began to change in how my friendliness was perceived. My perky Oklahoma-grown personality was not received well by my judgey Californian classmates. The first seeds of self-doubt and “wanting to be liked” planted themselves within me, and boy, did they continue to grow from that point on…

While I wasn’t successful in building up the popularity I had in the UK and Oklahoma in California, as I got older, I thankfully had a peppy younger sister who prevented me from feeling completely like a loner…she gathered neighborhood kids, invited all sorts of fun gals to birthday parties and sleepovers, and never shied away from befriending the new kid in class.

But one day, puberty got a hold of her and the unabashed vulnerability she once had when meeting people was hammered away. In middle school, I learned about fake friendships, and faced first-hand how really mean girls could be. I was told to my face by two different girls in the 6th grade, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore”, out of nowhere.

Like, who does that and feels good about themselves?

So, great friendships were not a thing of middle or high school, given the circumstances. Thankfully, my sister’s early days of gathering neighborhood kids to play with us helped us forge a bond with our friend C, who I’ve known for 21 years now! But besides C, I wasn’t able to form any ever-lasting friendships throughout college. During my PhD, I became friends with E, a visiting scholar from Germany and a girl I had some crazy adventures around LA with, but when she went back to Germany in late 2017, I realized that becoming an adult means the definition of a friend changes.

While we desire for a friend to be someone we can be our true selves around, without pressure or judgement, I think in adulthood, the definition of a friend extends to “a warm, live being with a brain to accompany you for dinner”. At least, when you become an expat who’s traveled to a new country by herself.

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Given the pandemic, a not-so-great work environment, and a recurrent battle with depression, my first 1.5 years in Italy did not offer ample opportunities to make friends. There were language exchanges and one-time meetings with other expat women I met through a local WhatsApp group, but nothing that led to substantial relationships. In recent months, I decided I would review my current approach and “experiment” with a different strategy, as any scientist would do 😉, and “report my findings”.

I was inspired to try one strategy in particular, after my sister reported her success in Austin, TX. She signed up for Bumble BFF for the purpose of finding a group of reliable, relatable girlfriends she could hang out with in the city. After about six months on the app, she ended up forging relationships with a solid group of three girls, and now they meet for book club, weekend get-togethers, and all of their partners are boy buds too!

Needless to say, I was inspired, but I also knew that Milan might not result in a similar outcome…it’s an international city, yes, but expats are fleeting beings—all the girls I met between 2020-2021 through the WhatsApp group I am a part of, I only met once. There is one girl, I think I met twice, but given I left IG, I don’t have her contact anymore 😬..

Still, I decided to give it a go, since I was back in Milan for the month of May. I started a Bumble BFF profile within the first few days of coming back. The first Monday I was back was a national holiday in Italy, and for some reason, I felt like I *needed* to have plans to avoid being “lonely” on the random holiday. So while I got started on the Bumble BFF app, I left a message on the tried-and-true WhatsApp group I am a part of:

I wasn’t met with crickets for once. In a matter of minutes, I was able to schedule a lunch with one girl AND a mini late coffee with another girl, the latter of which ended up being a party-of-three deal since another girl messaged me later asking if she could join! I didn’t click too much with the girl from lunch, but I spent a lovely three hours with the two ladies I met for coffee (at a trendy place in Navigli, Tenoha Coffee). We liked each other so much, that we ended up meeting for aperitivo later that week—with two other girls I met previously at separate times.

It was the first time I felt like I took initiative to organize a “girl’s night out” and succeeded.

Once matches on Bumble BFF began to roll in, I’d say I had fun “surveying the samples”. Let’s be real—70% of the profiles that popped up look like this, and major eye rolls ensued on my end, each time:

And talk about trying to plug oneself! The sheer number of profiles with IG handles and the excuse of “I don’t use Bumble a lot, hit me up on IG!” No honey, I do not want to follow you on Instagram…

Never met this girl but YASS, tell it like it is SIS. (Roughly translates to – “please stay away from those who are only looking for new followers on Instagram.”)

Still, I sifted through the cookie-cutter profiles and was able to match with some girls who were able to handle conversations, at first…

I found that I was always the one initiating meet-ups. The purpose of this app is to find and make friends, that you meet in real life. I had no desire to waste my time sending “hey”s back and forth, which some young ladies on the app seemed perfectly fine doing 🤷🏽‍♀️

Since I also went on a work trip to Geneva this past month, I was able to see new profiles as my location changed. The type of profiles I saw definitely changed from what I saw in Milan—there were a lot more North American expats, women in law or international-based positions, and a collectively “keen” interest to meet outdoors 😂

I obviously never met any Geneva-based ladies, but I was fascinated with comparing what I saw in Geneva with what I saw in Milan.

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Overall, I think the app works with finding friends that fit my “new definition”, but finding quality friends for life will definitely take time and work from both parties. Sure, I’ve met some really great ladies so far, but time will tell if these acquaintances will turn into solid friendships in the future.

In the meantime, I recommend that any expat woman (or woman living in a new city, for that matter) give Bumble BFF or similar networking apps a shot. Even scouting for the local WhatsApp or MeetUp group for women in the city increases your chances of finding someone you click with.

At least try, before complaining that it’s impossible to make friends as an adult 🙃

At the same time, I think we should keep in mind of the following in our “quest” for friends:

Go in with intention

Why do you want to meet new people? Is it more casual in the sense that you just want someone to accompany your for dinner or coffee? Or do you feel like it’s essential to spend quality time with quality people, doing activities that you have a common interest in?

For me, I’m not going to waste time with girls who are purely searching for a buddy to take IG pics with, pretending to have fun. While my “runner gal pal with a dog and penchant for coffee and vegan food” has yet to be found, my intention with using these types of apps is to build potential friendships with like-minded people. To build a mini support system of sorts in a foreign land…

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but three strikes, you’re out

The thing about putting yourself out there and initiating things is, you learn how to spot flaky people, very quickly. And there will always be flakes. Despite the numerous occasions in my life I’ve been notified last minute with “I’m sooooooo sorry! Something came up at work!” or “Hey! I feel really bad but I can’t make it today…”, I still find myself giving people a chance (honestly, I thought flakiness was a Californian thing…it’s prevalent in Milan too, unfortunately).

First time it doesn’t work out, no worries. Second time, alright, but it better be a good reason, and after the third time? If there’s still an excuse, I’m done. At that point, it’s clear someone doesn’t want to make the effort, so why waste my time? It sounds like a harsh approach, but it saves so much headache in the long run.

Unfortunately, I encountered a few of these girls on the app this month. Some of these girls who had given me excuses multiple times even had the gall to shoot a “hey” message, out of the blue, with no follow-up.

So, do you want to meet-up? Do you want to get a coffee and use this app for the reason it was intended? No? Bye.

When you make plans with someone, prioritize it like a job interview

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone agrees to meet at a specific day and time, does not follow-up at all, and literally five minutes before the planned meeting time, they pop in with a message saying, “Hey! I’m sorry something came up!” or “Oh my gosh, I’m really sorry but I’m running 1 hour late”.

Seriously? No.

Sure, emergencies pop up. Things out of our control take precedence, but if it happens all the time with the same person? It’s definitely a huge red flag for me. If someone can’t be respectful of your time, how can they be respectful of anything else?

If you’re not vibing, it’s okay to stop trying to make it work

This is something I’ve recently had to embrace, given that I always try to please people and prevent hurt feelings. But sometimes, someone can be “triggering” through their actions or personality, and it’s okay to walk away from that if it means prioritizing your mental health.

I’ve walked away from flakes, people addicted to their phones, people who expect you to listen to them the entire time, only to look bored when it’s your turn to talk…

That’s rude, and simply not ideal for a friendship.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

After what has felt like an incredibly long month in Milan, I’m glad I went through with this “experiment” of mine. I met some girls I hope I can meet again when I return, and I also quickly learned that life is too short to spend on people who can’t give you what you need, relatively speaking.

Peace out to all the flakes and fakes. Time is just as precious as money, and I’d rather spend it with real ones.

For my next month in Houston, I plan to use the app to try and meet with local lady runners. I’ve found absolutely zero (women) athletes on Bumble BFF in Milan…let’s see how Houston fares 🤣

BONUS POST – Curious about how Bumble Date looks from Milan, Italy? My time on that version of the app was short-lived (thankfully!), but what I saw in July 2020 was quite interesting…click here for a good LOL.

Things to Think About

Vegas, You’ve Grown on Me

Things I Miss as an American Expat in Italy

Let’s Be Friends