⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆ – Page 3 – A Second Gen Desi documenting her experiences

Pree February 22, 2023 Milan, Italy

Work-Life Balance: It’s on You!

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Don’t want to miss any future posts? Are you subscribed to email updates? Click here!

If I currently wasn’t involved in an active job search after two and a half years abroad, I probably wouldn’t be spending so much time on LinkedIn. But since I don’t have IG anymore, it’s also become my “social media substitute”—one that is still filled with snark, but at least it tends to hide behind a thin veil of professionalism.

Everyone knows I’m dying to return to the US and that I’m not Italy’s (nor Europe’s, to be honest) biggest cheerleader in the least. But even with my strong opinions, I acknowledge they are opinions, and respect that others may disagree with me (I just ask that they hear me out, and respect my opinions based on my lived experiences as well).

Welp, even with my open-mindedness, I still come across the occasional, stubborn person who can’t accept the reality that people can disagree with each other. With one particular person, it resulted in a heated exchange on “work–life balance” in Northern Europe versus North America. After going through what I’ve been through in the past few years abroad, and becoming a “born again American” so to speak, I ended up engaging when I normally wouldn’t have. I had to stand up for the motherland 🇺🇸

Also, did this person not realize that I “came in peace” with the little smiley 🙂 at the end?

I did not care that this person had a different opinion than me, but apparently this person made it their mission to convince me on a weekend morning that I was wrong, wrong, WRONG. And when dealing with people like that, you’ve got to be the bigger person and exit the room with your dignity still intact.

Indeed, this little bit inspired the blog post you’re reading right now 😏.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

During my time abroad, I’ve often had to roll my eyes every time I heard someone criticize the US with a statement along the lines of, “all Americans are overworked and that there is absolutely no work–life balance in America”.

Even this lil doggo is annoyed with these blanket statements.

But the thing is, everyone is going to have a different definition on what “perfect” work–life balance would look like, so these blanket statements indeed don’t rub off so well…

When I was a PhD student, I was society’s definition of overworked and underpaid (there were phases during my PhD that, due to experiments and time-sensitive deadlines, I did work 60-hour weeks…). Weekends were scheduled around lab needs and not necessarily mine, but at the time, I felt pretty balanced overall.

Even though I spent long hours in lab, I still had time for marathon training, traveling and eating around SoCal, and even watching TV, haha! Would I have loved to not sacrifice federal holidays for mice? Yeah, of course, but I was smart enough to give myself downtime after periods of intensity.

“Perfect” work–life balance cannot exist because, life is not perfect. And if you are an overachiever, an innovator, a dreamer, a person who is never satisfied with the status quo, the standard definition of work–life balance just won’t fit.

Plus, despite what others may say, I strongly think that…

Your employer and context of work has a major influence.

Despite what others may argue, I firmly believe an employer has more influence over your work–life balance, regardless of what country they’re based out of.

Academic employers (in the US and Italy in my experience) have wanted every morsel of my time and energy. In one experience, I was left alone and it was on me to dictate work–life balance while getting my work done in a timely manner, while in the other experience, I was micro-managed to no end.

In my current role in Italy nonetheless, my work–life balance is top-notch according to society’s definition: I get two remote days a week of my choosing, I’m not micromanaged (just left alone to do my work in a timely manner), and I’m not bothered on weekends.

I have time to do nail polish breaks apparently 💅🏽

Oh, and I guess they give me 20+ vacation days, but the catch is I have to use a chunk of them when I don’t want to…

In my experience, it wasn’t the country where I worked that dictated how work–life balance would manifest, it was my employer.

Remote work has revolutionized the game.

Again, it will probably depend on your employer and context of work, but what’s stopping you from doing your workout during your lunch break, and eating lunch while catching up on emails?

And what’s wrong with finishing up a time-sensitive assignment at 8pm if you took a break in the late afternoon?

Some may argue that with remote work, there really are no limits. Technically you could work endlessly like my days in the lab, but that’s where my next point comes in…

As adults, we need to stand up for ourselves and our needs…

If you do have a 40 hour/week contract, then that’s what you have. If you find yourself working more than that regularly, is it really because you need to? Or are you afraid to bring up your concerns to your supervisor? Rather than complain to everyone but your employer about being overworked, has an attempt been made to address the issue with your employer?

…but we also need to make sacrifices to achieve our goals.

Depending on the industry and how high up you are in the hierarchy of a company, demands are going to change. A VP is not going to work 40 hours a week on the dot, but would we say they’re overworked, or are they just doing what is needed to get the job done (and getting paid luxuriously for it)?

Context is essential.

What would you really do with extra free time?

A lot of us comment on all the things we could do and accomplish if we had more free time and more time off from work, but if we’re honest about it, would we really take advantage of that free time to the fullest?

So many people were “spoiled” this past week with Carnevale…schools were out, parents took time off, and everyone caused a mess in the piazza in front of my apartment 🙃

We say we’d spend more time with family, exercise more, finally get back to that hobby, go on vacation, but all of those things take work too. If ya’ll are like me, I bet you’d use that day off work to stay in bed, streaming yet another show while figuring out “treat yo’ self delivery” for dinner, versus actually checking things off the to-do list 😏.

Depending on the context of work, set hours per day don’t make sense anymore. Some days will require the extra grind, and others will be lax. As long as the job is getting done, why does it matter how many hours it took me to complete it? And when those lax days come around, take advantage of ’em!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Despite many haters, there’s a reason why the US is so productive from an economic point of view. Can you imagine what would happen globally if the entire country took one month off every year like some European counterparts?

Work–life balance starts with us, and it’s not one size fits all. It’s up to you to decide what you need in your life, and find the employer (or perhaps go the self-employed route!) who best aligns with you.

Just my two cents. 😉

Pree February 7, 2023 Freiburg, Germany

Freedom in Freiburg: Escaping the Prison of Milan

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Don’t want to miss any future posts? Are you subscribed to email updates? Click here!

I recently made a trip to Freiburg, Germany, and boy, was it a few days of reprieve from the onslaught of life in Milan (I came back from the US a little over two weeks ago, and Milan didn’t wait a second to put me in a chronically awful mood…).

Even if I didn’t choose Germany as my expat destination, I certainly have more respect for it than Italy 😅.

Looking back at this grand Black Forest during my 14 miler.

When I was actively putting an effort into Italian, I came across an interesting “quirk”: when trying to translate a phrase from English to Italian in my mind, I would often first think of the phrase in German.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to say “How much does that cost?” in Italian, but “Wie viel kostet das?” hit my brain at lightening speed. When I shared this phenomenon with others, no one seemed to relate.

Perhaps this is only an issue only receptively bilingual folks can relate to—those who have become familiar with multiple languages passively, but are not 100 percent fluent in any of them except their native language (aka, me).

When it comes to Germany, my brain loves the order. The order in the grammar of the language, clear-cut rules (even if they’re a pain, you know what to expect), and a sense of practicality.

This is what drew me to the language in high school, along with the fact that it was a unique offering for language class. Most high schools offered Spanish, maybe French, but German was definitely a not so common offering.

Not to mention, my teacher was an exuberant second gen Chinese American who was probabaly more in love with Germany than any blonde-haired, blue-eyed man straight out of the Black Forest 😅.

German was my favorite class in high school because it brought relaxation after tense periods of AP science and calculus classes (the latter gave my digestive problems, no joke). I was Herr L’s star student (of course, my type A personality wouldn’t have it any other way) and I was known as Inge in his class (we had to pick German names for class, and I actually picked Inge because it sounded like a word in Tamil! 😁).

Calm, rainy Saturday morning in Freiburg

After high school, I tried to continue German in college, but my type A personality was scared to fail. After getting a C+ on my first assignment (an essay), I panicked. I dropped the course because I wanted to focus on making sure I didn’t fail my “more important classes” that would get me into med school 🙄.

My life went a different direction eventually, and obviously 😅. I chose Italy with intention, in that the next step was professional, but not only that…

I didn’t go to Italy for a boy like many other American girls, but I can’t deny the fact I wanted a piece of that Italian romance too! To be honest, I don’t think I would have taken that risk in finding love anywhere else…especially Germany 😂!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

All of this is to say German and I go way back, and my weekend in Freiburg definitely brought me much-needed peace.

On my way to Freiburg, I felt exhausted and perturbed. The exciting event I was referring to in my last post was indeed a job interview for my dream role (well, technically I’d like to write a NYT bestseller and live off the book’s income, but ya know, plan B 🙄…), and although I did well, I was passed on for an internal candidate.

The news hit me HARD and I was left in a funk for several days. Being in Milan didn’t help either…I knew I’d have to get back to my job search grind, and the unknown of that gives me anxiety every single freaking day 😔.

So this was on my mind as I sat aboard my first Flixbus (comparable to Megabus in America!). When I got to Freiburg a little over six hours later, I was still in a sour mood, but the quiet walk over to the hotel eventually softened me up.

I mean, there was a Dean & David (German fast casual chain with vegetarian and vegan options!!) next to the amazing Super 8 hotel I was staying at. I fueled with a halloumi salad and fruit and nut brownie before checking into this spectacular room:

Maybe it’s because I don’t like my life right now, but this hotel room got me feeling all sorts of emotional. Being able to leave Milan, even if just for two days, felt like I was able to escape a year-long stay in prison.

Taking multiple hot showers. Not having to worry about keeping the gas off to save on heating. Two comfy beds (lol, just cause I guess?).

Meeting my friend for dinner later was also such an uplifting moment. I felt incredibly relaxed, and so grateful we were able to meet up despite our crazy schedules. Good company truly does make life’s stresses feel a lot less daunting…

The next morning was wonderful as well. I slept in, had an amazing pancake breakfast, and walked around in the old town square, reveling in Freiburg’s humble cuteness.

I woke up happy that morning. I could feel it in my bones and my voice, and there had to be a reason for it.

That afternoon, I walked into a local store (Kaufland) and stocked up on vegan snacks and unique Pringles flavors not offered in Italy. Cheese and Onion, these Italians are missing out…

I prepped myself for a long run, and used it as an excuse to climb up to the Schloßberg and treat myself to incredible panoramic views of the city, as well as trail into the Black Forest. After a rewarding 14 miles with steep incline, I treated myself to dinner at Dean & David: vegan green curry and a golden milk latte.

My short stay in Freiburg was perfect, because it fed my soul without me expecting it to.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Living in Milan has forced me to compromise and expect less than what I deserve, which is why I think it depresses me while other places restore me.

Despite what other expats in Italy say, things are not good here. That’s the truth. The cost of living is high, and the salaries are abysmally low, even for a post-doctorate like myself. People often tell me “I’m rich compared to others in Italy“, which is a frightening thing to hear…it means most Italians are living right above or close to poverty level when compared to American standards 😧. People also tell me that “well, you can leave whenever you want“, though it’s not that simple.

I need an exit plan. A parachute. A road map.

Yes, I’m tired of living like a nomad. I’m proud of the fact I am capable of being a minimalist, but I’d love to establish roots and live the life I truly deserve. Striving for that when your current situation numbs you is one of the hardest challenges I’ve had to face.

But then those challenges seem to instantly disappear when I am in the right environment…

I wish I could end this post on a more positive note, but reality sometimes prevents glimmers of hope from poking through. Freiburg was a blessing, a promise that I am capable of happiness. My recent, multiple trips to Houston and Austin too. The universe is asking me to be patient and brave. I hope I can continue to do so, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is near.

Pree January 26, 2023 Houston, Texas

Home Is Where the Heart Is… Which Happens to Be Houston 😂 (+ Houston Marathon 2023 Recap)

Reading Time: 8 minutes

I don’t know what it is about the American South, but every time I make a trip out to Texas, I fall in love with it more and more…as much as my exhaustion with Italy grows and grows 😅.

Spring, TX, where the’rents currently live

My trip back home for Christmas/the Houston Marathon/a surprising event I can’t share too much about just yet 👀 was just what I needed after a mentally-exhausting fall. I was back in my country—with people who have known me for years—and bounced back to my “normal” self after a few days of jetlag-induced depression (anyone else get a kick in the pants from jetlag?). The quality time I spent with those I loved in safe spaces allowed me to be introspective and process emotions that have been eating at me for months…

The “surprising event” I had to prioritize last minute also got me thinking about where my life could go, and that the best opportunities for me, are indeed outside of Italy. I hope to share more very soon, but for now, here’s proof that I dressed up, got a $80 blowout 😬, and wore makeup after many years, just to make a solid impression:

I also decided I might as well tackle #23 of my 30 in my 30’s list head-on, if I was going to go through all the trouble of addressing my “appearance”. I went from nail biter at Christmas, to a full set of acrylic nails:

Deciding not to bite my nails on Christmas Day…

Every time I make a trip back home, I also prioritize the essential errands, like sending things off to ThredUp and thrifting, shopping at my favorite stores and trying new flavors of my fav perishibles (see below for my Olipop haul…bought at an unheard of price of $0.99 a POP!), and participating in care package exchanges with friends like Allie! I sent her a box of goodies from Italy (I hauled everything in my suitcase and shipped it all from Texas…because, no way to international shipping!!), and she sent me some of her Pittsburgh favorites as well as some general American snacks she knew I’d be missin’:

I also prioritize trips to Austin, because I definitely see myself buying a home there one day…for now, I am grateful it is my sister’s turf for the next few years, because it means enjoying all the fun stuff this city has to offer with a tried-and-true companion.

Thrifting. Vegan food. Beautiful lakes. Animal lovers everywhere. People who smile and wave when you go for a long run, and who don’t give you resting b*tchface. It’s wonderful, ya’ll.

But with even with all of these fun, unexpected/exciting things, the main reason for my “long” stay (3 weeks? Long? Not long enough!!) was to run the Chevron Houston Marathon, my 8th marathon!

I got cowboy boots…can I be a Texan now plz?

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

The last time I ran a marathon was in 2019 in Los Angeles (it was my fifth consecutive LA). I remember feeling so burnt out by the distance and ready for a decent-sized break. Plus, Italy was already percolating in my mind as that’s when I was seeking out investigators and research Institutes in Milan to apply for my fellowship 😅.

Little did I know that the pandemic would be that break I needed..but it happened for a reason.

I failed at a marathon comeback attempt in Italy (my trip to Verona is bittersweet because of it…), and so I knew my next marathon would have to be back in America if I wanted to “succeed”.

After getting settled into a new job, I was able to focus on a new race goal and picked Houston because the timing was perfect (decent weather in January!) and I would be able to have enough time to prepare.

I met with a coach based in Houston in early summer, and he gave me weekly workouts to do while I was in Italy. I’ve had experience working with a coach before when I was in LA, but I was happier with this training cycle overall, as I preferred the coaching style of this coach compared to my previous coach.

Workouts included one speed workout, a long run, a steady run that would be held at goal marathon pace, followed by ALL the easy runs you could imagine. People often forget that improvements come from not how fast you go out each time, but how often your prioritize slow and easy runs…that’s when the magic begins.

My training cycle began in July, and ended mid-January (6.5 months) since the marathon was January 15th. In October, I ran a local half marathon (in Monza), but didn’t PR or feel too well because I was dealing with a horrible bout of anxiety spawned by an event that happened earlier in the month...I am so sensitive to my surroundings and my body internalizes way too much… the curse of an empath? 🤔

But even with that, I’m still happy with how my training cycle progressed from that point. I was hitting my workouts to a T, and seeing improvements in my speed interval pacing (doing sub-7:00 for 0.25 and 0.5 mile intervals!). About five weeks out from marathon day, my coach started having me do long runs over 20 miles. It got to the point I was running one 24 mile run two weeks out from race day, and a 22 miler just a week before race day!

I was able to get out of my head and just do what I needed to do. It was the first time I got past mental burn out in a long while, and the first time in a long time I was doing 20+ milers!

So with how the training cycle played out, I was hoping to PR with a 3:45. My PR up until that point was a 3:53:37, which I earned back in 2017. Even with these new goals, I knew anything could happen on race day… just had to convince myself that I put in the work and now I just had to let things happen as they should.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

I was able to go to downtown Houston with my dad the day before to pick up my race packet, and for the rest of the day, I tried to eat “safe” (no fibrous or rich foods that could get in the way of digestion, haha) and then ofcourse, go to bed early.

The next day, the two of us drove back down to downtown, and after walking around in circles for a bit, I found my starting place at corral B. I was able to make small talk with two other women as we waited, and fortunately it wasn’t too cold. At the same time, I wanted it to be, since I know I don’t do well in heat + humidity, which Houston is famous for.

Others on the other hand had no issue buying NWT clothing as “start line cover-ups” and tossing them over the fences when it was time to race. Talk about fast fashion* 🙄.

*The race organizers did say that any clothing left at the start would be donated to local shelters…but still…

By the time I made it to the start line, it was around 7:20am. I felt good at the start, but tried to keep my pace steady and not go out too strong. My per mile splits for the entire 4:06:39 (I know, I didn’t PR, but let me explain…) were as follows:

I was doing really well up until mile 15. I even found the 3:45 pace group from mile 6-mile 9 and they helped me push myself for that period. My legs were beginning to give out at mile 9, but I still maintained race pace more or less.

I also know that in the marathon, pain comes and goes…you feel horrible for some random miles, but then if you fuel and hydrate properly, you body suddenly forgets the pain and pushes through…until it feels the pain again 😂!

Around mile 17, I was starting to feel gastric distress, so I made a pit stop at a porta potty. It might have been in my head though, because…no movement? Haha, TMI!

From mile 18 onwards, I kept the “only two more miles till hydration” mindset. I walked through water/Gatorade stops and the method seemed to work well and help me push through. Miles 24-26 were HORRENDOUS. Funny enough, since mile 24 was the longest distance I ran leading up to race day. Even though it was “only 2 more miles”, my legs felt HEAVY.

I also started to choke up and feel emotional. I wanted to cry not from the pain, but from the fact that this was happening again…I was going to finish my 8^th 26.2, and even if most people in my life would not be able to comprehend how remarkable that is, it was enough for me to tell myself that I was doing something amazing.

I had enough in me to speed through the finish, and then crawl on through the finisher’s zone. I called my dad in order to find him at the family meet-up area, and yes I finally got a good cry out!

I didn’t PR, but I…

✅ Finished healthy and strong.

✅ Hydrated well (hydration was organized SO well on the course!) and fueled well throughout the race.

✅ Happily accepted the outcome of the race and praised myself for the feat I just accomplished.

I’ve been telling myself since 2017 that I’m going to get faster, that in this-and-that race I’ll PR again, but it’s been a long, winding journey with running since then…

This training cycle has been so helpful in that it has helped me realize that with the right support, I can achieve the goals I want to achieve. My coach and I agreed that a 3:45 is in me, and that for 2023, working on 5k/10k speed, followed by the half, and then a full in the fall is a reasonable plan.

I hope to be back in the US soon enough to tackle all this and more…whoops, did I say too much too soon 😮?

Well, life’s too short to not speak the truth, and chase dreams that take shape day by day…

Pree December 26, 2022 Malta

All About Balance

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Even though I am deprived of Thanksgiving when I am in Italy, we do get a string of holidays the first week of December.

They are Catholic in origin, but it’s free time nonetheless!

And since this year’s local holidays fell on a Wednesday and Thursday, I was forced to take the Friday that came after off. Yes, forced, because in Italy, companies “force” you to use the 20 plus days of vacation you have for the year when it suits them! Remember folks, there is always a catch…

Anyways, I had 3 days total, plus the weekend to go on a “long” weekend away, and it was the perfect opportunity to meet up with my “lab bestie” E., who lives in Germany. We met during my PhD and had our share of fun and harrowing moments in the lab.

I like to think we are at better places in our lives compared to that experience, haha!

I was flexible on where we could go for vacation together, while she immediately thought of MALTA! — a tiny island country just below Sicilia.

Valletta, the capital of Malta. Despite it being “closer” to the equator, we still experienced chilly days in December.

Despite its proximity to Italy, it was yet another place that didn’t escape British conquest…

Some neighborhoods did remind me of Britain. This looks like Notting Hill lol.

The last time I traveled with someone for a multi-day vacation was…actually with E! Back in 2018! I had visited her in Germany, and we traveled around Northwest Germany together, along with a weekend to Amsterdam. I remember it being a wonderful time, and now that we came back from Malta, it’s interesting to be able to compare my most recent and past experiences traveling with another person …and it has inspired me to write about the fact that it truly is all about balance when your travel plans include more than yourself!

Rather than go on and on about what I did in Malta, let the pics speak for themselves, while I reflect on something different…

Sliema, Malta. Recommend staying at one of the cheaper hotels in this neighborhood so you can be across the street from this view!

Why Traveling with Others is a Lifesaver

⊛ Someone can watch your stuff while you use the bathroom.

This honestly is one of the best things about group travel. I’ve spent so many solo trips doing the “bladder dance” while traveling because I didn’t want to drag my luggage into airport bathroom stalls, or get up to use the lavatory on the plane! On our trip to Malta, E. and I were able to rely on each other for luggage watch duty, while we took all the time we needed during bathroom breaks. Also, I was free to drink all the water I wanted as a result, and stay hydrated!

You can also depend on someone to help watch your seat when you get seconds from the (free) breakfast buffet at the hotel 🐷

⊛ If you travel with a not-so-picky-eater, you can order “tapas-style” and split the bill afterwards.

For most of the places we ate at, E. and I were able to order for ourselves with no issue, but traveling with others can be “fun” when it comes to trying all sorts of new foods. It also helps if you travel partner(s) are hungry around the same time you are, so that one person isn’t a hangry grump while the other has no appetite—that’s not fun to deal with!

A lot of times, we did just order for ourselves though!

Vegetarian Falafel Plate :9 A lot of Turkish kebap-style places lol

⊛ More people involved in a trip means more brainpower to plan out what to do.

I am very flexible when it comes to sightseeing. Perhaps that’s why my “solo adventures” are so boring, because I tend to stick to safe, predictable activities like walking around whatever city I’m in. I’m comfortable using local public transit, and can get familiar with the streets because I’ll most likely run them beforehand, but if it requires a *little* more effort, like paying for a museum entrance ticket, I’m most likely going to stay away if I’m on my own.

I would have most likely not trekked out on my own to go on a boat ride through the Blue Grotto, for example, if I was travelling solo.

Why Traveling with Others is Frustrating

⊛ Energy levels are at risk of not being in sync with your travel partner’s.

There were several times on the trip where I felt exhausted and in need of a nap. I know that when it comes to traveling with others, priorities on what to see, where to eat, and how to spend precious trip time can differ. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t need *too* much control of an itinerary, but I am sensitive to doing too many things at once, or not planning food and rest breaks properly.

‘Caffe Cordina in Valletta can’t be missed! It’s super cozy, well-known, and the perfect place to get a coffee + cake

⊛ You need to be mindful and make time for “alone time”.

This is line with the earlier point about energy levels. It’s okay to have “alone time” when you are traveling with others…I’d go as far to say it’s essential. Yes, even with my current stance on solo travel, I believe taking time for yourself, away from others on a trip, can help to recollect your energy and be happier when you rejoin your travel companion(s).

My solo time always comes in the form of morning runs. I have yet to travel with anyone who likes waking up before dawn on vacation to exercise 😂.

⊛ Communication is key, otherwise passive aggressiveness can ensue.

Overall, my friend and I had a great, memorable trip to Malta sprinkled with fun times, but I have to be honest and say there were moments where we did butt heads. It can be difficult for most of us to communicate exactly how we feel, especially because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but not expressing feelings at all can lead to some irritable exchanges, which is what happened with us at times 😅!

But this is okay. It’s important to acknowledge that this is something that can come up with partner or group travel. It’s also understandable if you want to avoid confrontation and awkward interactions, and don’t bring up what’s upsetting you to your travel partners as a result. However…if you’re brave enough to do it, maybe it could make the rest of the trip even better? 🤔

Is it Worth Taking the “Good” with the “Bad”?

I personally prefer traveling with others over being by myself 100% of the time. Alone time during group travel is absolutely necessary however, especially for any type of introvert (even the ones who can *pretend to* be extroverted, lol).

I was truly excited and happy to see my friend after over four years, and at the same time, I was glad when the trip concluded and I could take a break with myself!

At the end of the day, it is all about balance, as cliché as it sounds. We may not always achieve it—especially when it comes to unpredictable events like travel—but we can certainly give it a good ol’ try.

Where do you fall on the social travel spectrum—paralyzed without a partner? Or savor that sweet, sweet solo time?

Pree December 20, 2022 Bari, Italy

Beautiful Bari

Reading Time: 9 minutes

Update from February 2023! The place where I stayed, owned and run by A-L and her husband, is now ready for vacation rental (https://www.airbnb.com/h/themonsignors)! Please check it out and I highly recommend you stay with them when you plan your Puglia/Bari visit!!

So…my favorite kind of pizza does have pineapple on it. I “respect” that this combo is abhorred in Italy (they missin’ out, but alrighty then…), and I wouldn’t dare to ask for it at a pizzeria, but that doesn’t leave me with much as a vegetarian in regards to variety…

Verdure pizza is often topped with way too much zucchini and eggplant (my least favorite veggies, haha). Then there are the ones with formaggio on top of formaggio (Chuck E. Cheese would honestly pass out at the sight of quattro formaggi 😅).

So in Italy, I’m glad I at least have Pugliese to turn to—a cheese pizza topped with onion. It’s much simpler than I’d like it to be, but at least it has a delicious, “spicy” vegetable to kick it up a notch!

Pugliese is also related to Puglia, the “heel” of Italy, and Bari it’s capital. I was finally able to venture to the region and meet an online friend IRL last weekend!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

A-L and I met on Instagram as expats in Italy, and she is one of the few people I have kept in touch with after leaving the platform. She was incredibly kind, offering a rental (that she and her husband are renovating) for me to stay in for the weekend I was visiting! Also, she has the cutest rescue in all of Bari:

I could have taken a train to Bari from Milan, but it would have been an arduous ordeal. Thanks to cheap domestic flights (Ryanair comin’ through), I was able to book a flight from Bergamo to Bari for a little over 50 euros. It was also my first time flying out of Bergamo, and it was so much easier to handle than going through Malpensa, or even Linate!

I made it to Bari around noon, and A-L, her husband, and lil Dun Dun were able to pick me up. From there, we drove into the city of Bari…

A-L and her husband brought along two wheels of foccacia from their local foccaceria! One was covered in onions (obviously my favorite) and the other was decked out in tomatoes and olives (pitted). Didn’t snap a pic because I was too hungry to grab my phone—plus, the bread was oily 😅

The city center was small enough to walk around within an hour, to at least see the important stuff.

My favorite was pasta street, and the four-legged guardian at the entrance:

I learned that “ear pasta” (orecchiette) is a Pugliese tradition, and that the homemade versions made by the “little old ladies” of pasta street are often left out to dry like in the tray shown above. How can they be so trusting of the most-likely hungry tourist passing by 🤔?

After the little walking tour of central Bari, we drove about 20 minutes south to A-L and her husband’s real hometown Mola di Bari.

Now this is the Italy I’ve always pictured, he he.

A-L and her husband had English lessons to teach, so I was able to unpack and rest for a bit before we headed out for dinner. But before dinner, there was time for a little aperitivo in the main square. Even though Milan was freezing when I left, it was still a bit cool in the South, even with my jacket…

We went back to central Bari for dinner, which was an interesting experience. A-L really wanted me to try a signature Bari dish, fave e cicorie (fava bean puree and cooked chicory), but the restaurant said they could only make one (instead of three, for all of us present). Uhmmm, okay 🤔? So we ended up splitting a bunch of small plates for dinner, which was fine since I was able to sample a little bit of everything.

I was so excited to get back and go to sleep, but I was also nervous about having to fit in my long run for the week the next morning (a 17 miler—marathon training can’t stop!). The houses in Mola are incredibly cozy, but take caution when climbing up the stairs, haha! A-L’s rental was four floors, with an incredible view of a solitary palm tree and the Adriatic:

Night view from the house, a lone palm tree and crashing waves of the Adriatic Sea

The next morning, I got up around 6:00am to have enough time for my run. I already saw some local runners on the road, and took it as motivation. Surprisingly, I felt like I could go on and on! Most of the time, I dread long runs over 13 miles because it’s always hard to fathom the mental as much as the physical distance…but being by the water must have induced a calming effect within me!

Whoever is living in that house…yoooooooo

Also, cats.

After the run and a warm shower, I was treated to a nice (pea protein) pancake breakfast at A-L’s, her husband’s, and Dun-Dun’s place just a few houses down 😂. I was in the most Italian-esque town possible, and that’s where I satiated a long-standing pancake craving! Go figure.

Immediately after breakfast, we made our way south to some other tiny (yet famous) towns along the coast. It was also starting to drizzle a bit, so we made sure to pack umbrellas. First up was Polignano a Mare, and the views certainly speak for themselves:

A fun fact A-L shared with me was that the original Volare singer was from here. I will admit that when I think of Volare, I immediately think of Vitamin C’s version circa early 2000s/Lizzie McGuire Movie 😂.

While the views were breathtaking, it wasn’t like we could go for a swim with even more clouds looming over us (🌧), so we then headed on over to Monopoli, A-L’s favorite:

Walking around in the cold caused us to develop a craving for something warm, so a coffee break soon followed! I was also treated to a sweet treat that is local to the region—I’ve forgotten the name, but it was a lightly-fried dough spiral doused in honey. Gimme!

We soon returned back to Mola for a quick nap (me!) and A-L wanted to test out the oven in the rental since the kitchen was brand new. That means I was able to taste some fresh banana bread (with chocolate chips and sunflower seeds…too bad I didn’t take a pic!).

It got dark fairly quickly, and there was quite a downpour when we headed back out again. This time A-L wanted to take me to Alberobello and Ostuni, which were other famous Pugliese landmarks more inland.

Alberobello is an “Italian smurf village”. Obviously it’s more “instagrammable” in the sunlight, but it still held its charm in a dark and cold rainy setting.

Then we drove to Ostuni, known as the “white city” due to the majority of the whitewashed buildings that make up the city.

I found the architecture quite gorgeous, and I could take pictures for hours, but my hunger was finally getting to me. We were hoping to dine at a local restaurant and to try some (veg-friendly) regional classics, but of course, the restaurant was closed.

But Plan B was not bad, at all. Because a cute little bistro by the name of Raparossa that specializes in vegan cuisine was ready to welcome us with open arms 😂.

A-L and her husband are both vegan, and I could tell they were more excited than I was to chow down (haha, and I was super hungry and excited so that says something!). Most Italian restaurants are not extremely vegan-friendly (I get by as a vegetarian, getting my fill of milk and eggs, no doubt about that…), so when a restaurant in town offers an all-vegan menu, it’s nice to relax and pick whatever you want without doubt!

We had everything from shared appetizers to dessert. I only took pictures of my main—a risotto that came topped with caramelized grapes and vegan (!!) gorgonzola…

Why can’t ALL Italian food be vegan-ized…

A-L also ordered the risotto (lol), and we both agreed that the “gorgonzola” wasn’t that strong. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing, since “real” gorgonzola actually tastes like soap to me! Haha, fun genetic “mutations” in action 😛.

The restaurant is also involved in community outreach (lol)—they feature some rescue animals on a picture wall near the entrance:

I was able to rest for an extra hour Sunday morning, but a speed workout was calling my name. Thankfully I fueled well, and was able to hit my intervals and complete my workout with a renewed sense of energy. My flight back to Milan was in the afternoon, so the gang and I had a quick breakfast, and walked around Mola again before it was time to head to the airport.

I can only imagine what this quaint Southern Italian town is like in the Spring/Summer…but I loved that I first experienced it in the off-season, rain and all…

Fun fact about the middle pic: if you see a chair with an assortment of vegetables and goods, it means that the “owner” of that chair has more of those items for sale back at their place! It is apparently a custom unique to Mola!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Knowing that good company makes me feel so, so good still makes me nervous about solo trips going forward. I know if I had visited Bari on my own, I wouldn’t have felt as good as I described here. I’m also not too sure I would have made it to all the tiny towns in a matter of a day, lol. Great company (including furry pets!) truly make such a difference, and make these trips so much more memorable. I semi-joked with A-L that if she ever needs a dog/house-sitter, I will gladly fly back and use my vacation days just to chill with Dun Dun in Bari 😆.

I mean, I was told Bari—Puglia even—is a different beast in the summer…