italy – ⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆

Pree June 15, 2021 Milan, Italy

Appreciating America

Reading Time: 8 minutes

It has been almost one year since I left for Italy—a year that oftentimes feels like ten.

In pre-pandemic times, my excitement for a new life experience in Italy was based on what I had read in travel memoirs, heard from Italian post-docs in my lab, and honestly, a number of baseless fantasies thought up by moi.

I had made trips to Europe before with family and by myself, and I was expecting Italy to match the classic, European allure of the other countries I had visited. Unfortunately, my expectations didn’t exactly match my imagination, and a lot of that was due to the pandemic. I’m still holding out on Rome though—I’m dying to know if the Eternal City matches up to all the pre-teen dreamy scenes of the Lizzie McGuire Movie…

When I see pastel-colored Vespas, I immediately think **Lizzie McGuire Movie**…

This, and many other observations and experiences over the past year have led me to actually feel something I never thought I would, to the extent that I feel it now.

I am very, very proud to be an American.

Part of being a good American is complaining about America. We are enlightened about our right to free speech from a very young age, and it’s something we shamelessly take for granted. And of course, I was one of those complaining folks. I would shake my head with embarrassment every time America ended up on the news for a radical remark a president had said, or for decisions the American government had made that other countries had the right to tease us about.

I once thought I was one of a country of uncultured swine, but that is too cruel of me to say. Especially since I now realize no country is perfect, including Italy. I’m not saying America is without its faults, in fact, incessant gun violence and a money-guzzling healthcare system are not things to brag about. But as an American citizen, I’ve come to realize that there are plenty of things I have taken for granted that living abroad has made me reflect on and “re-appreciate”.

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1) Financial security…

Before coming to Italy and taking on a post-doctoral scientist appointment, I was given an award letter for my fellowship. At first glance, I thought WOW, they are paying me double what I’m getting now as a first-year post-doc/recent PhD grad!

Haha, there was a catch.

The full amount of the fellowship covered my employer’s expenses for having me on as an employee, taxes, and then finally my actual salary—which ended up being equivalent to a little bit more than what I was getting as a PhD student 😶😶😶.

I definitely was in shock upon realizing this, and before confirming my decision to take on the role, there was at least two weeks of back-and-forth with HR trying to understand where my fellowship money going. I was told by some Italian acquaintances that my net earnings were very good for Italy, which horrified me.

Good for Italy? Like, people are OK with this? I can’t imagine what someone working a “minimum wage” job takes home…

And perhaps the general population is “vabbe” about this because of communal, multi-generational living arrangements (i.e. NO RENT) and paying things “on the down-low with ca$h money” (i.e. what taxes?), but even so, I can’t see how this can be good economically in the long run…

This is not to say America is handing fistfuls of dollar bills to every person aged 0-99 (although 3 COVID-19 stimulus packages argue against this…), but there is definitely room to negotiate luxurious salaries with the right degree and industry. For example, an entry level medical science liaison, a high-profile position in the pharmaceutical industry that is often sought after by terminal degree holders, can earn on average $80-100k a year. In Italy, it’s around €55,000 a year, on average. Approximately $67,000 a year.

Personally speaking, I would jump on this amount given that my current job pays less, but it surprises me that there is such a striking difference in the starting salary of a highly-qualified position between two countries…

This discrepancy is also quite confusing to my cute neighbor.

2) Fashion freedom

Before moving to Italy (specifically Milan), I did give a good thought to reshuffling my wardrobe so that I fit the “bella figura” stereotype that is often associated with the culture.

But, I am a girl who lived in pajamas and running clothes for 3 months during the pandemic—what can I say? I’m very low maintenance!

I didn’t think twice about walking into a Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s after a long run when I was in the US. I’d be a sweaty mess, but I didn’t let that stop me from getting an ice cold kombucha and a vegan treat to-go. I suppose I didn’t have to be self-conscious about walking around town in workout gear if every other person was doing it too.

But Italy doesn’t seem to offer that “chill” attitude, not even if I’m actually working out! During a particularly hot workout one Sunday afternoon, I remember an elderly couple giving me side-eye because of my short running shorts and tank top. It reminded me of the many judgmental desi aunties I’ve come across over the years, but I was honestly surprised to come across this in a “Western” country like Italy.

Judgy people exist everywhere, but I can’t exactly say I feel comfortable wearing sweaty running clothes to take care of errands in Milan’s city center vs. somewhere in SoCal. I suppose it serves as an excuse to freshen and dress up for an otherwise mundane occasion, but there is something about convenience and a relaxed attitude when it comes to “American fashion” that I do kinda miss…

Actually running 🏃🏾‍♀️ around the Duomo in workout clothes is one thing, but stares are guaranteed if you stay in said clothes after working out and continue on with errands 🤷🏽‍♀️

3) Vegan options and freedom to be a foodie!

Southern California spoiled me when it came to vegan food options—as long as I frequented Whole Foods and Sprouts, as well as bookmarked up-and-coming vegan cafes and restaurants spanning the Los Angeles and Orange County areas, I was all set. I have always been a vegetarian, but picking the vegan option whenever possible has always been my prerogative. And without a doubt, this was so much easier to do in the USA…even when I spent 3 months in Oklahoma!

Milan does have a few vegan outlets, but the quirky idea of “vegan-izing” everyday meals just hasn’t caught on in Italy as it has in the US. I will admit however that when it does come to proper labeling of supermarket items, Italy does a good job of saying “adatto ai vegetariani” or “vegano” on the label. As a strict vegetarian, it can be troublesome when simply “caglio” (rennet) is listed on an ingredient label, but I have found many brands that list “caglio microbio” which makes things less complicated.

And yes, I’m all for the nut-based crema spalmabile (especially pistacchio!!), rich scoops of neighborhood gelati, and Sicilian cannoli, but the incomprehensible food “rules” like “cappuccinos after noon are sin” or “pineapple on pizza deserves jail time” will never, ever make sense to me.

Even though I personally believe everyone has the right to have a cappuccino at any time of day, this is one “rule” I have ended up following due to daily routine. Sometimes the timing works out and a *pistacchio latte* is able to work it’s way into your day 😊

I just know that if a country is vehemently unaccepting of pineapple on pizza and BBQ sauce, I really do have to applaud America as being the land of the free (for foodies!). 😅

4) Feeling myself

I think the realization that I would always be innately me, wherever in the world I went, has hit me the hardest from all of these items listed.

In the US, I tended to lean towards the introverted side of the spectrum, but around friends and people I trusted, I was a chatty, witty, and incredibly fun person to be around. In professional settings, I felt absolutely comfortable speaking to colleagues, giving presentations, and mentoring my juniors.

And I believe part of this is because of my strong command of English. It is right now the only language I speak fluently, and it is the only way for me to express myself. My forays in writing have only enhanced my exposure to the language, and the fact that the US adamantly proclaims English as the one and only official language of the land makes things easier when it comes to communication and expression.

In Italy however, I feel like this identity is not quite the same. Opportunities to improve my Italian have been minimal, and the interactions I do have with people I come across on a daily basis have been restricted to English. Despite this, I oftentimes feel like I have to hold back when it comes to my true self. American slang and references can leave people lost, and so I’m not left with much to hold an “engaging” conversation. When I do attempt Italian, I am shut down when the person on the other end switches to English without giving me a chance. Just like in America, patience can be a hard thing to find in Italy.

I believe if I am given the opportunity to express myself in the truest sense, it will be possible to find and enjoy the person I am here, but it also depends on if I will ever find my people here. Friends who understand my humor, share similar interests, like the same TV shows (it doesn’t help that I like the American shows that have yet to cross the Atlantic on Netflix…). Social media and women’s’ networking circles can only do so much—at the end of the day, new, trusting relationships* require work which can be utterly exhausting.

*I should add that there is one relationship in my life that has blossomed since my stay in Italy, and it has allowed me to be myself to the fullest☺

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Maybe a lot of this reflection is fueled by homesickness, and the fact that I haven’t seen my family in almost a year. Even though I’ve lived on my own since 2014, this is the first time I’ve been oceans apart from the people I feel most comfortable around.

Maybe a visit home would help give me a much-needed reset to tackle Italy again under new and improved, recovery-from-COVID-19 circumstances. This past year has been a rough ride emotionally, and I’m sure this has also influenced a lot of the opinions detailed in this post.

Still, I won’t deny the fact that living abroad—living in Italy—has given me a new-found appreciation for the country of my birth: something I have struggled with for years, but now I find easy to accept, with open arms.

Pree May 28, 2021 Bellagio, Italy

Bellagio (Not the One in Vegas)

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Since my excursion to somewhere in Switzerland in late August of last year, no other opportunities made themselves available in regards to day trips in Italy or beyond.

Nope, the second wave of ‘rona got in the way of that.

I even went so far as to daydream about Christmas break trips to Venice or Rome, but after summer ended, the way reality was shaping up crushed those plans to smithereens.

That, plus work stress and life stress—it was all piling up, and putting in the time and energy to plan out trips “for the future” seemed like a lost cause.

And it was, until April 26th, 2021 brought signs of hope. The following weekend—with the weather being a foreshadowing of a summer yet to come—was the first opportunity in months for lost souls to venture out once again.

I was itching to travel somewhere, anywhere, and I even thought about some “nearby” major cities I could try to visit from Milan.

Turin? Genova? Bergamo?

But, I ended up going somewhere not too far from my (weekend) homebase of Como—a special place at the center of Lago di Como, hand-in-hand with a special person—Bellagio.

Lago di Como is HUGE. From Como City, Bellagio is an HOUR away by car!!

Since moving to Italy, I have lost the urge to keep up with my early bird tendencies on weekends. With weekdays being harrowing at times, I decided that my time, on the weekend, should be spent in whichever way maximizes relaxation and recovery. And, whadya know, sleeping in till 11am or 12pm on Saturdays sometimes does the trick!

The good thing about Bellagio is that it’s small enough to explore within 2-3 hours. So even if you have errands to run on a Saturday morning but you’re somewhere in the Lago di Como region, it’s not too silly of an idea to drive up for a few hours of some nature eye-candy.

I. Mean. Eye. Candy.

At first, I wasn’t sure if I would end up going solo, but my companion offered to drive both of us in his car—on a winding, solitary road that overlooked the lake many times along the journey. It didn’t help that we were slowed down by a group of four girls who were also on their way to Bellagio, taking their share of pics for the ‘gram with their phones precariously held out the car windows.

When we did arrive close to 3pm, parking was a minor issue. We found a spot eventually, and shockingly had to pay by the hour. I guess it wasn’t too much of a surprise given that it’s a ploy to get every last bit of a tourist’s pocket change, but at least the rate wasn’t Los Angeles-crazy 😂.

City center is about a 15 min walk from the parking lot we used.

Since I’ve seen Lake Como from Como city many times, it seemed redundant to find a viewpoint to look out at the water in Bellagio, but that’s the main attraction 😂. Technically, there are some differences in the landscape…

It was interesting to see how the mountain “terrain” changed across a panoramic-like view.

Smoother textured mountains on the left, snow-capped mountains in the center…

But the best part of going out to see the water at this time and location, was the wildlife of course.

I had front-row seats for the Momma & Babes show 🥺!!!

We weren’t the only ones enamored by their cuteness. Other people surrounding the dock seemed to notice my excitement (I was literally pointing and waving my arms at the ducks!) and shifted the focus of their phone cameras from the landscape to a few baby birds.

After enough time was spent at the water, we decided to walk back towards the city center. My eyes fell upon the buildings that faced a central dining area of sorts, and I could not look away. The architecture was so fitting for Northern Italy.

A work colleague of my companion also happened to be in Bellagio at the same time and we ran into him. He was one of those guys who dresses up in a suit to eat pasta 😅.

South of the shops and eateries, there was a picturesque walking path with tall trees and perfectly-cut shrubbery all on the side.

Too pretty for a long run. Walking will have to suffice.

Once again, it was another ideal location to stop and look out at the water. And sneakily people watch.

Two hours had passed by this point, and so my companion and I decided to take “the long way” back to the car. We passed the I Giardini di Villa Melzi, but it was another tourist trap that we ran from. They couldn’t stop me from taking pictures through the gates!!

To be fair, there weren’t that many people walking around that day, but I secretly appreciated that we were walking away from the crowds.

I started to figure out why we weren’t seeing many people at the point…the roads were increasing in elevation and our casual stroll was becoming a stairclimber session.

The biggest perk of this surprise workout was “accidentally” falling upon the Church of Goats*.

When special guests donkey and black baby goat made their appearances, I literally died 😂. My name is Pree and I like animals.

Ducks, goats, donkeys, dogs, and cats. Bellagio has everything.

There was no issue with finding the parking lot since we pinned our location with Google Maps. We did however still have some more time left on the meter, so it was an excuse to walk through some alleyways for that authentic Italian “village” feel.

When we entered this path, I looked down at my sneakers and wished they had more padding at the bottom (can’t expect much from a cheap pair from Primark though…), but I was grateful that I wasn’t in a pair of high heels trying to navigate this pretty chaos!

As time started to inch closer to 6pm (or 18:00, military time for Europeans 😂), we called it a “day” and got back in the car. As I expected, I drifted in-and-out of sleep on the drive back: a genuine indication that I had a pleasantly exhausting time.

Wanna know one of the best things about travel, even if it’s just a short daytrip? Coming back home so exhausted and instantly falling into a deep sleep.

So, Bellagio. My few hours here were enjoyable and well-spent. And while the scenery was nice, the experience was much more memorable because I had someone special by my side. I could have gone on my own, but sometimes it’s nice to walk around with someone’s hand in yours.

And if they have a car, it saves you a bumpy bus ride 😂.

Pree December 25, 2020 Milan, Italy

Holiday Hunger: Managing ED During a COVID Christmas

Reading Time: 5 minutes

This post was a collaboration with The Desi Condition. Check out their site for information on their podcast and art collective, which especially emphasizes mental health in the South Asian community.

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Before I turned 18 years old, the holidays were a time I looked forward to with deep anticipation and pure excitement.

Two (sometimes two-and-a half!!) weeks off from school.

Hot cocoa with whipped cream paired alongside one of many classic holiday movies on primetime.

Spending entire days with other kids in the neighborhood, playing to our heart’s content knowing that we’d get a free pass to stay up late at this time of year.

But all of this changed for me immediately after Christmas 2009. My spiral into an eating disorder began along with a new decade, and it eclipsed the happiness I normally felt during the holiday season.

The next round of Thanksgivings and Christmases were made miserable, thanks to an incessant voice chiding me to keep my servings of Dad’s green bean casserole and tofu wild rice stuffing small. In the years that followed, I made sure that a set of measuring cups was placed alongside my fork and knife—I could not get off track, even for one day.

In my darkest moments, I would have never had the courage to disregard my ED’s voice to indulge in holiday treats. I’m glad that this isn’t an issue for me now—-living in Milan surrounded by numerous pastry shops selling delicious Christmas desserts.

This went on for six years, until finally in 2016, I had my epiphany. I had chosen recovery, and was on a path to healthy weight restoration.

Still, the incessant thoughts kept nagging as I helped myself to servings of Dad’s home-cooked food like never before, and my body image had reached an all-time low. Fighting with an eating disorder is a strenuous, mind-numbing battle, and it’s only felt worse during the holidays.

My fight eventually paid off. I can say with a content mind, body, and soul that I have beaten my eating disorder. The thoughts still pop up from time to time, but the way I manage those thoughts has developed considerably.

We are all not on the same path however, and my heart goes out to anyone still struggling with their ED at this moment—especially during this particular holiday season. The stress of COVID-19 and the socially isolating lockdowns it has caused can be a huge road-block to recovery.

If the girl I was from 2016 was struggling with her ED recovery through a COVID-ridden holiday season, this is what I’d encourage her to do, given her unique situation:

If living with family/roommates who are aware of your struggles—and willing to help…

Your ED is probably rejoicing at the fact that large gatherings for Christmas dinner or New Year’s Eve parties are not happening this year (at least in a fashion that is approved by society…). But perhaps the people who you are currently living with want to have some sense of normalcy with a festive dinner, and ED does not approve.

If they are indeed a supportive bunch, vocalize the thoughts running through your brain. Allow those around you to understand your current anxieties and offer care in a way that will help you make it through the day. Tell them about your calorie fears, how having measuring cups next to you makes you feel assured, or why you need to know if your “safety foods” are part of the menu.

Hopefully you’ll then find yourself with a team. The day will feel easier, and perhaps more enjoyable, once you have unloaded your deepest fears and anxieties onto people who want to help you tackle them.

If living with family/roommates who are unsupportive, or if you are living alone and unable to see your family/support system in-person due to lockdowns…

If you are living in a household with people who you don’t trust or cannot be vulnerable around, you have every right to excuse yourself from spending your time with them, but don’t let ED win either.

EDs thrive on making their victims suffer in silence, but planning ahead will help you from succumbing to that. Plan out a holiday dinner for one, with foods you enjoy (and not necessarily “safe foods”).

You deserve to enjoy yourself during the holidays. Even if you are not ready to tackle a holiday meal with unknown calories, planning ahead and preparing for foods (and drinks!) that provide comfort will make this isolating time a little less rough…

Even this can be a challenge if you are at it alone, so make your dinner a virtual one. Call up another friend in lockdown isolation, maybe even family (parents get lonely too…), and plan on your menus together. If you trust them, have them help you brainstorm ideas on what foods or meals to purchase that challenge you, as well as foods you are comfortable with.

And most importantly, create a plan with those you trust in case you feel you might fall prey to post-meal restricting or purging behaviors. Having a designated person to call in case you feel the urge to restrict or purge hours after your meal is the ultimate prevention tool against relapse.

Fighting an eating disorder takes an incredible amount of energy. Waking up each day and choosing recovery over and over until one day it sinks in…that is hope, gasping for air.

This holiday season is even more isolating for an ED victim—but I hope you keep fighting and eventually be gifted your epiphany 🧡

You may not have your epiphany this Christmas. The voices may still have a hold on you all the way through New Year’s…maybe well into 2021, when the fear of COVID diminishes with the rise of vaccinations. The world will continue to go on, but you may still not be ready.

Understand that your journey is valid, and keep fighting until your epiphany does come around. Take this moment to celebrate the fact that you’ve made it this far—you’ve survived a global pandemic while also sorting through personal struggles you may have not been able to voice.

Give yourself this moment. No matter how many times ED tells you you don’t deserve it, I’m here to tell you that you absolutely do.

Pree December 18, 2020 Verzasca Valley

A Verzasca Twist

Reading Time: 3 minutes

When I was given the greenlight to pack my bags for Italy in June of this year, I did not give a single thought to what would happen in the months after—let alone days after—arriving in Milan.

Once I was out of my self-quarantine, things began to take shape. I was able to socialize, meet new people, and get back to filling out my bucket list of all the places I wanted to visit now that I was living in Italy (of course looking back at it now, this seemed like a wishful thing to do as we are now trying to survive a second wave of COVID…).

My birthday was coming up in August, and my original plan was to visit Cinque Terre—but life had other plans that I was unwilling to pass on.

So on my 28th birthday, I wasn’t on a tourist bus snapping pics of coastal towns and the sea—I was several miles north, deep in the Canton of Ticino, Valle Verzasca.

From Northern Italy (Como), it takes about 1 hour by car and 3 hours by train to arrive here, and it’s difficult to miss.

Despite Italy being a sweaty mess that August afternoon, the weather in the valley was mild, cool, and cloudy—the definition of a perfect escape from the horrors of summer weather. So many others had the same idea that day…

Even though a lot of time was spent commuting, getting through one of the trails that was linked to a parking area took no more than an hour! And within that hour, there were so many picture-worthy sights to take in and return home with:

Honestly, my most favorite sight of the entire trek was this building—the blue window shutters against a white backdrop and flowers on the window sill? It just screamed classic Swiss/European design 😍.

Ultimately, I was glad I was able to celebrate my first day of being 28 years old in the middle of lush, Swiss greenery.

This was my last “trip” of the summer, right around the time others in Italy were preparing for their August getaways. I didn’t feel comfortable asking for an extended amount of time off at the time, since I had just started a new position, and I’m relieved I didn’t. At least I can say I didn’t put myself or others at risk for the sake of lounging on a beach…

Of course, I’d love to explore more of Italy and its neighboring countries when the time allows for it. Verzasca was a lovely teaser for what is still out there waiting for me…

2021, I hope you have more lush green landscapes in store for me...