I’ve always been an independent soul, so it’s no surprise solo travel is something I latched onto without hesitancy.
But, I have to be honest here as well: my impatience and my attempt to mediate boredom with others played a huge role in how I stumbled upon the path solo-traveled.
When I was younger, I’d often stray from my group of friends when we went on day trips to the mall. They’d be interested in stores that I didn’t care for in the least, and I thought it’d be the most time-efficient for everyone if we parted ways for a few hours to explore what we wanted.
This usually ended up with me being alone in the end, since my sister and our best friends had similar tastes in clothes, recreation, and even food. They’d be happy with hours spent in Barnes and Noble, grabbing fries and a burger from the food court, and maybe popping into Forever 21 or H&M for their cheap, fast fashion needs.
I usually found myself at the “higher end” side of the mall, taking my time trying on designer jeans, and treating myself to a more “sophisticated” mall treat like pineapple froyo with mochi and popping boba.
My friends came out with bags of books, seasonal sweaters, and bellies full of fast, filling food. I on the other hand, brought out a bag small enough to place on my lap, containing my long-awaited, pricey prize.
As I approached my late teens and early twenties, I realized I thrived as an early riser. This new-found trait of mine was probably exacerbated by my eating disorder, since I was often awake as early as 3AM trying to pass the time until I allowed myself to eat breakfast. But even as I recovered, my inclination towards rising with the sun and starting my day with a morning run hours before the rest of the world was slamming their alarms was something that persisted—and further isolated me from my peers.
It seemed like everyone around me was a freaking night owl, and I was a lone, morning lark…
So when it was time for me to finally move out and start a “new life” in Los Angeles for graduate school, I was more than ready to live on my own terms. Wake up when I want, eat when I want, and explore all of LA as much as I wanted to on the weekends…I didn’t have to worry about asking my Dad to drive me from one place or another, I didn’t have to worry about appeasing the tastes of my friends. I could do whatever I wanted!
And I did do my fair share of exploration in LA. Monday through Friday was devoted to classes as a first-year PhD student. There were also some weekend mornings devoted to studying, but I made it a priority to get out every single weekend.
I’d take the metro and the bus, and frequent neighborhoods like WeHo, DTLA, Koreatown, NoHo, Santa Monica, Culver City, Sawtelle, Pasadena, etc. I had a list of all the cafes, restaurants, and dessert shops I was eager to visit and sample treats from. I would even travel to go grocery shopping—there was that one time I bought a handful of items from a Erewhon near The Grove (yes, on a PhD student’s budget 😅). I’d make sure to bring a number of reusable bags, taking pride in my grocery hauls as I’d saunter onto public transit like a real bag lady.
At the time, I deemed these days as successful. I achieved what I set out to do—I was living life on my own terms, solo and free.
But as much as I was an expert on doing things on my own with confidence, a part of me always wished that the friends who comprised my social circle would share my interests and passions. I never did meet the right group of people to go out and “party” with. My friends ended up being introverts like me, and perhaps were even more farther down on the introverted spectrum…
Meet-ups did happen here and there over the following years. Despite our supposed mixed schedules, my sister and one of our best friends were able to plan a girls’ trip to Seattle. Then there was the Iceland/London/Cardiff/Paris trip my sis, Dad, and I took the following year, and some weekend trips not too far from LA. Company is great, but juggling fatigue, hanger, anxiety, and the preferences of others isn’t what I’d include in defining my dream travel adventure.
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My first opportunity for international solo travel however, was something that came up out of the blue, thanks to work. In the third year of my PhD, I was one of six students part of a group fellowship for one year, and one of the stipulations was using some allocated funds to attend a conference.
Without going into too much detail about the situation, I ended up having to pick a conference urgently due to some misunderstandings. I ended up submitting an abstract to two conferences—one of which took place on the (US) East Coast, and the other in Barcelona.
Guess which one I “ended up” going to because the other one declined my submission…
It took me a full day to warm-up to the idea that I was in a whole ‘nother country on my own. I had left the lab in mid-September, after an exhaustive series of weeks of intensive experiments. Technically, this was also my first “business” trip, but I still felt out of sorts for being away from work on a trip that was planned last minute.
But I eased up to the idea after a day of rest and a full day exploring the city—from Park Guell to Sagrada Familia to sampling vegan paella, I felt a new-found independence I was slowly allowing myself to enjoy.
In the following days, I left the city for a beach town where my conference was held. I fell in love with the architecture, the views of the Mediterranean Sea, and the kind people (well, kind person—the BNB host I was staying with was a sweet woman who was warm, engaging, and generous enough to give me money for a return train ticket when they wouldn’t take my credit card!).
When I came back from Spain and went back to work (seriously, I went to lab the next day after landing in LA the night before…), I had intense Spain withdrawals and wished I could have extended my stay to do more exploring post-conference.
That trip was what got me pondering about going abroad after my PhD. I was toying with the idea of learning Spanish and applying for a fellowship in Spain for many months after that trip…
Since I was still knee-deep in my PhD however, I made it my mission to do at least one international solo trip a year. Even though I initially invited my friends to join me, they were quick with their excuses. So, it was me and my lonesome yet again, planning my adventures from scratch.
Since Spain, I’ve traveled to Germany, Sweden, and Vancouver, Canada for my international solo trips. Technically, Germany was to meet my lab bestie, who returned home after 3 years in the US (where I met her), but Sweden and Vancouver were purely solo, and very different experiences.
In Sweden, I spent 10 days exploring Stockholm, Gothenburg, Malmo, and even a day trip “across the pond” in Copenhagen. I went in thinking it would be a trip full of friendships made in hostels, nights out on the town with these supposed friends, and happy memories to return home with.
Unfortunately, Sweden was the trip that reminded me that solo is only a few letters off from lonely. I stayed in hostels, but came across independent and introverted travelers like myself, who were not too keen to extend an invitation for company. I spent many of my days walking aimlessly around these cities, because my heart wasn’t into stopping inside museums or paying for tourist attractions. Even the food was sub-par…
My trip to Vancouver was shorter in comparison, and while still very much an isolated experience, it was one I remember fondly. I stayed in an Airbnb room the size of a walk-in closet, but I remember walking around the city in a warm, puffy jacket since it was November and the weather was crisp and cool. Memories of warm vegan poutine, hot cider from Granville Island, getting nauseous on Capistrano Bridge, and even resting inside a movie theater to watch It’s a Good Day in the Neighborhood starring Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers were all delightful moments of the trip.
Despite the varied experiences of my trips to-date, I have a new-found appreciation for ALL of the moments I experienced, given that we now live in a COVID-affected world…
After Vancouver, I squeezed in a trip to India with the family, right before COVID struck. Obviously no trips were in my plans for 2020, except figuring out how to get to Italy to start my new post-doc position.
And coming to Italy has been my biggest “solo adventure” yet, and it’s hard to believe that it has only just begun! Right now, work demands and my energy levels have limited me to staying within Milan and the northern areas of Lombardia, but I have hope that I will soon find the time to safely travel the rest of the country—which I hear is much more beautiful the farther out from Milan you go 😉.
I don’t consider myself an intense traveler, but I am proud of my abilities to plan solo trips and feel confident about them. I’ve had friends and acquaintances ask me with wide-eyed wonder, “So you went to ____, by yourself?!”, as if to say, something must be wrong if you can’t find anyone to travel with.
But I relish in it, and you shouldn’t be afraid to do so either!
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If I’m going to give my two-cents on solo travel, here’s what I think you should consider for planning your next solo trip—especially if you are an introvert like me 😉:
💗 Make a day out of walking
I’ve had days where I felt bored out of my mind while walking around cities I visited while on vacation (like in Sweden), but this was also influenced by my mood at the time. My time spent afoot in Barcelona and Vancouver were the exact opposite!
By making a day out of walking, meaning not relying on public transit or cars to get you places, it allows you to feel like a local in a short amount of time. And as an introvert, it feels nice to not have to call attention to yourself when dealing with the stresses that come with transit (although, public transit is great for covering more places in a day).
I feel as if I am able to understand the vibe of a city/place more after spending hours afoot because all of my senses are at work. I keep Google Maps handy (and also make sure my phone is juiced) so I don’t get completely lost.
I also like to keep some kind of prime destination in mind, be it a café of interest or a photo-worthy spot, which brings me to my next point…
💗 Make what you enjoy a priority, and focus around that
When I was “forced” to go on family road trips and vacations (😂) as a child, I often felt upset by the fact that everything felt rushed and my parents were riddled with anxiety (mostly Dad, haha) with trying to fit seeing as many things as possible in a short duration of time. This often meant trips to boring museums, going to the one Indian restaurant in backwoods Montana because Mom would not eat anything else, and appeasing Mom’s additional shop-a-holic needs at every single gift shop we passed through.
Since then, I’ve vowed to make my solo trips pleasant for me, because who else am I doing it for?
This meant no museums or tourist attractions that I would not find interesting otherwise, and paying attention to my energy levels. In Sweden, I was in a consistently low mood, but I was happiest when I was able to check off vegan restaurants from my to-do list and collect a plethora of pics I could use for Instagram posts 😉.
If you are on vacation, YOU deserve to enjoy it! If it means planning your day around local cuisine and making a foodie tour, eat your heart out! If it means collecting trinkets for friends and family by paying visits to the shops of local artisans, by all means, spend, spend, spend! And there is certainly no shame in spending a day taking photos meant for the ‘gram. If it’s fun for you, why should anyone tell you that’s not how to travel?
And guess what? You do need energy for all of this, so please…
💗 Make time for ample rest / don’t shy away from hostels
Invest in a cozy guest suite for one. Or even a luxurious hotel room. Having enough energy to enjoy where you are and what you are experiencing is absolutely necessary.
But there is nothing wrong with a cheap, social hostel either! You’d think that’s a scene to avoid as an introvert, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. My only hostel experience to-date was in Sweden so I can only comment on that, but the places I stayed in were safe, comfortable, clean, and easy on the wallet. It’s the perfect place to hang your backpack for the night after a long day of walking, eating, photo-taking, and shopping—pretty much if you follow all of the above tips 😉.
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Whether you are an extrovert or introvert, a gal with a ton of friends to pick from to accompany you on all of your trips, or a self-identifying “loner” who prefers the sound of silence over the yapping of crowds, I recommend that everyone have a solo travel experience at least once in their life.
There is fear in being lonely, but don’t be afraid of being alone. Experiencing solitude during travel allows us to learn new things about our surroundings, while also allowing the bravery, strength, and tenacity that normally is at rest within us to rise to the occasion.
