Not Enough: Will It Ever Be?

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My, how time has passed and how I’ve grown since leaving for Italy in late June of 2020. I look back on the almost three years abroad and still question why some of the moments I went through were really hard at times, but the answers will eventually come, as they always do, with time.

2021 was difficult in its own right, but despite my depression taking over and my desperation to get out of my post-doc/still stay, work, (and let’s face it, love) in Italy, I managed to make it out okay and go into 2022 with hope and stability.

But I harbored a lot of anger in the first half of 2022. I can’t say why, but I could point out the triggers. Despite finding an amazing company that helped me stay in Italy in a position that was well-within my career goals, and the fact that they helped with my sponsorship to attain an EU Blue Card (an ordeal in itself, but it had to be done), I tried to be calm about the process that is life, but I found myself getting angry with each passing month…

I found myself feeling FOMO about my career. Even if I had a “good job” for Italian standards, a lot of my peers back home in the US were making $120-150k in the pharma industry, while my salary stood much lower at 45k euros…again, “good for Italy“, but frankly speaking, it wasn’t good enough for me, especially knowing all the toil I put towards my PhD degree…it was not enough.

I found myself seeking validation, and it affecting my mental health in the most toxic way. I quit social media for almost a year after getting into some heated arguments with loved ones about it. But I couldn’t deny that the metrics of holding onto an audience was getting to me. I felt restricted in being able to speak my truth, as I was finding it difficult to “please everyone”…what I tried to share and create on the platforms I chose, was not enough.

I found myself face a rocky personal battle in late 2022, and it shook up my world more than I could imagine. I think of everything I experienced in my life so far, this one had a superior impact on my emotional and mental health, perhaps because it impacted me in my most vulnerable state. The fact that I couldn’t control the outcome of this particular situation terrified me, and out of everything that was contributing to the challenges I faced in Italy, it was this incident that set me in “fight or flight” mode: find a job, and get the f*ck home…because I was not enough.

LinkedIn distracted me from my clock-watching tendencies at work (the result of being under-utilized), yet the the anxiousness and unpredictability of my personal life, and the continued, chronic invisibility I felt as a helpless “foreigner in Italy” made me feel like I had sunk to rock bottom. Perhaps a “dream job” back home making $150k could make it all better.

I was extremely close. It would have been mine and in an alternate reality, perhaps I’d be living in Las Vegas right now traveling to clinics all over the west coast as a medical science liaison, but ultimately, I was passed on what would have been my dream job. I remember receiving the call outside of a restaurant in Milan I had just met a friend at, and walking to the Buonarotti metro stop in tears, only to have a homeless Italian man offer me a tissue. What a sight that must have been for the cold-hearted pedestrians that continued to walk on by…

I had to go back to the drawing board, knowing that I was the only one who could say “enough is enough”. I gave myself a “deadline” to find a new job within the next three months back home, so I could give enough notice for the cold excuse of a studio I “lived” in, as well as give a “heads up” to my current employer, all while trying to find the time to breathe even if the anxiety was all-consuming at this point.

But as usual, I ended up surprising myself. My bosses seemed to be understanding, although not acknowledging the fact I was wanting to leave the country 😅. I remember my department boss asking me to “give it six months, things are going to change around here!”. I’ve always appreciated their support, something rare to receive from upper-management of Italian companies from what I hear, but I also had to be wary of my emotions and how crazy things had been for the last few months.

It wasn’t enough to hear those words, I needed action.

I managed to schedule my day-to-day activities around job interviews that kept rolling in every week. While they provided me with sparks of hope, when the dreaded “we will proceed with other candidates” emails came though, I’d find myself in desperation again. This went on well into March…

But even though a chronic level of stress was always keeping me on edge, I managed to find and/or create pockets of happy moments for myself during the last few months I spent in Italy. As I slowly made my rounds catching up with the few Milan-based friends I managed to make in recent months, and making them aware of my plans to leave soon, they reached out with open hearts and schedules 😁!

AM and I were able to spend quality time in Ravenna, and a few weekends later, she invited me over for vegetarian Colombian food and coffee on a sunny Saturday afternoon—I love a moment of good food (especially homemade!) and conversation!

The two of us also had vegan sushi in Milan’s only (and relatively new) all-vegan sushi restaurant. Finally, ya’ll caught up with the likes of Los Angeles and Austin 🙃.

I was also able to get some expat girls to break out of their aperitivo comfort zone, and I am proud of the fact that I co-organized a clothing swap! I love organizing events and leading groups (heck, the most favorite part of my PhD was mentoring 20+ students!!), and this particular event gave me the self-esteem boost I was lacking lately…

The friend I met in Cagliari and I were able to do some day trips together, to Padova and Parma. It was nice to have a friend to chat with on the dull and dilapidated inter-regional Trennord train rides (nothing like the tourist-friendly Frecciarossa trains) that were always delayed during our excursions.

Wearing a clothing item I got from the clothing swap!

I also squeezed in some solo weekend trips to Porto and Budapest, which went better than expected.

But even all these good moments…were not enough.

I reckoned with the fact that we were approaching mid-March, and reaching that timepoint was cranking up my already-elevated anxiety. Was it just a coincidence that the day after the Ides of March, I’d get a message from a recruiter asking me to interview for a job that would have never been on my radar? That would pay six figures, allow me to work remote, and be a solid career move that would bring me back safe and sound home to the States?

I had interviewed for the role on a Thursday, and received a firm offer the following Monday. Within a matter of days, I was giving my 30 days to my Italian employer, in talks regarding a counter-offer, informing friends, informing loved ones…

The funny thing was, all the anger, anxiety, sadness, and bitterness began to fade once I was firm in my decision. I was putting myself and my needs first, and I truly believe that when you work towards something with sincerity, the best things will happen for you.

My heart so happy in Texas 💗

I left Italy in mid-April, thinking I would start my new job a few days later. Of course life is always throwing curveballs, and I ended up starting three weeks later. Go figure, but it was nice to unwind in North Houston and have the company of my Dad.

Texas sunsets

But I think the best part of all this is the fact that I am able to wrap up this post on the couch of my 1-bedroom apartment in Austin, Texas—a city I fell in love with almost two years ago, and from that summer ’21 visit, knew this was the place I would be proud to call home.

My first weekend as a denizen of the best city in the world!

I know way too many people who settle. Due to fear, lethargy, apathy, you name it. But, isn’t life too short for that? If something is not enough, if it gets you flustered, bitter, angry, anxious, deeply sad…you don’t have to accept it. It will take work, and it will most certainly take time, but the universe always comes through—those of us who are starving, we have a reason to fight and we will eventually be fed.

Work-Life Balance: It’s on You!

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If I currently wasn’t involved in an active job search after two and a half years abroad, I probably wouldn’t be spending so much time on LinkedIn. But since I don’t have IG anymore, it’s also become my “social media substitute”—one that is still filled with snark, but at least it tends to hide behind a thin veil of professionalism.

Everyone knows I’m dying to return to the US and that I’m not Italy’s (nor Europe’s, to be honest) biggest cheerleader in the least. But even with my strong opinions, I acknowledge they are opinions, and respect that others may disagree with me (I just ask that they hear me out, and respect my opinions based on my lived experiences as well).

Welp, even with my open-mindedness, I still come across the occasional, stubborn person who can’t accept the reality that people can disagree with each other. With one particular person, it resulted in a heated exchange on “work–life balance” in Northern Europe versus North America. After going through what I’ve been through in the past few years abroad, and becoming a “born again American” so to speak, I ended up engaging when I normally wouldn’t have. I had to stand up for the motherland 🇺🇸

Also, did this person not realize that I “came in peace” with the little smiley 🙂 at the end?

I did not care that this person had a different opinion than me, but apparently this person made it their mission to convince me on a weekend morning that I was wrong, wrong, WRONG. And when dealing with people like that, you’ve got to be the bigger person and exit the room with your dignity still intact.

Indeed, this little bit inspired the blog post you’re reading right now 😏.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

During my time abroad, I’ve often had to roll my eyes every time I heard someone criticize the US with a statement along the lines of, “all Americans are overworked and that there is absolutely no work–life balance in America”.

Even this lil doggo is annoyed with these blanket statements.

But the thing is, everyone is going to have a different definition on what “perfect” work–life balance would look like, so these blanket statements indeed don’t rub off so well…

When I was a PhD student, I was society’s definition of overworked and underpaid (there were phases during my PhD that, due to experiments and time-sensitive deadlines, I did work 60-hour weeks…). Weekends were scheduled around lab needs and not necessarily mine, but at the time, I felt pretty balanced overall.

Even though I spent long hours in lab, I still had time for marathon training, traveling and eating around SoCal, and even watching TV, haha! Would I have loved to not sacrifice federal holidays for mice? Yeah, of course, but I was smart enough to give myself downtime after periods of intensity.

“Perfect” work–life balance cannot exist because, life is not perfect. And if you are an overachiever, an innovator, a dreamer, a person who is never satisfied with the status quo, the standard definition of work–life balance just won’t fit.

Plus, despite what others may say, I strongly think that…

Your employer and context of work has a major influence.

Despite what others may argue, I firmly believe an employer has more influence over your work–life  balance, regardless of what country they’re based out of.

Academic employers (in the US and Italy in my experience) have wanted every morsel of my time and energy. In one experience, I was left alone and it was on me to dictate work–life balance while getting my work done in a timely manner, while in the other experience, I was micro-managed to no end.

In my current role in Italy nonetheless, my work–life balance is top-notch according to society’s definition: I get two remote days a week of my choosing, I’m not micromanaged (just left alone to do my work in a timely manner), and I’m not bothered on weekends.

I have time to do nail polish breaks apparently 💅🏽

Oh, and I guess they give me 20+ vacation days, but the catch is I have to use a chunk of them when I don’t want to…

In my experience, it wasn’t the country where I worked that dictated how work–life balance would manifest, it was my employer.

Remote work has revolutionized the game.

Again, it will probably depend on your employer and context of work, but what’s stopping you from doing your workout during your lunch break, and eating lunch while catching up on emails?

And what’s wrong with finishing up a time-sensitive assignment at 8pm if you took a break in the late afternoon?

Some may argue that with remote work, there really are no limits. Technically you could work endlessly like my days in the lab, but that’s where my next point comes in…

As adults, we need to stand up for ourselves and our needs…

If you do have a 40 hour/week contract, then that’s what you have. If you find yourself working more than that regularly, is it really because you need to? Or are you afraid to bring up your concerns to your supervisor? Rather than complain to everyone but your employer about being overworked, has an attempt been made to address the issue with your employer?

…but we also need to make sacrifices to achieve our goals.

Depending on the industry and how high up you are in the hierarchy of a company, demands are going to change. A VP is not going to work 40 hours a week on the dot, but would we say they’re overworked, or are they just doing what is needed to get the job done (and getting paid luxuriously for it)?

Context is essential.

What would you really do with extra free time?

A lot of us comment on all the things we could do and accomplish if we had more free time and more time off from work, but if we’re honest about it, would we really take advantage of that free time to the fullest?

So many people were “spoiled” this past week with Carnevale…schools were out, parents took time off, and everyone caused a mess in the piazza in front of my apartment 🙃

We say we’d spend more time with family, exercise more, finally get back to that hobby, go on vacation, but all of those things take work too. If ya’ll are like me, I bet you’d use that day off work to stay in bed, streaming yet another show while figuring out “treat yo’ self delivery” for dinner, versus actually checking things off the to-do list 😏.

Depending on the context of work, set hours per day don’t make sense anymore. Some days will require the extra grind, and others will be lax. As long as the job is getting done, why does it matter how many hours it took me to complete it? And when those lax days come around, take advantage of ’em!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Despite many haters, there’s a reason why the US is so productive from an economic point of view. Can you imagine what would happen globally if the entire country took one month off every year like some European counterparts?

Work–life balance starts with us, and it’s not one size fits all. It’s up to you to decide what you need in your life, and find the employer (or perhaps go the self-employed route!) who best aligns with you.

Just my two cents. 😉

Freedom in Freiburg: Escaping the Prison of Milan

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I recently made a trip to Freiburg, Germany, and boy, was it a few days of reprieve from the onslaught of life in Milan (I came back from the US a little over two weeks ago, and Milan didn’t wait a second to put me in a chronically awful mood…).

Even if I didn’t choose Germany as my expat destination, I certainly have more respect for it than Italy 😅.

Looking back at this grand Black Forest during my 14 miler.

When I was actively putting an effort into Italian, I came across an interesting “quirk”: when trying to translate a phrase from English to Italian in my mind, I would often first think of the phrase in German.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to say “How much does that cost?” in Italian, but “Wie viel kostet das?” hit my brain at lightening speed. When I shared this phenomenon with others, no one seemed to relate.

Perhaps this is only an issue only receptively bilingual folks can relate to—those who have become familiar with multiple languages passively, but are not 100 percent fluent in any of them except their native language (aka, me).

When it comes to Germany, my brain loves the order. The order in the grammar of the language, clear-cut rules (even if they’re a pain, you know what to expect), and a sense of practicality.

Freiburg city center

This is what drew me to the language in high school, along with the fact that it was a unique offering for language class. Most high schools offered Spanish, maybe French, but German was definitely a not so common offering.

Not to mention, my teacher was an exuberant second gen Chinese American who was probabaly more in love with Germany than any blonde-haired, blue-eyed man straight out of the Black Forest 😅.

German was my favorite class in high school because it brought relaxation after tense periods of AP science and calculus classes (the latter gave my digestive problems, no joke). I was Herr L’s star student (of course, my type A personality wouldn’t have it any other way) and I was known as Inge in his class (we had to pick German names for class, and I actually picked Inge because it sounded like a word in Tamil! 😁).

Calm, rainy Saturday morning in Freiburg

After high school, I tried to continue German in college, but my type A personality was scared to fail. After getting a C+ on my first assignment (an essay), I panicked. I dropped the course because I wanted to focus on making sure I didn’t fail my “more important classes” that would get me into med school 🙄.

My life went a different direction eventually, and obviously 😅. I chose Italy with intention, in that the next step was professional, but not only that…

I didn’t go to Italy for a boy like many other American girls, but I can’t deny the fact I wanted a piece of that Italian romance too! To be honest, I don’t think I would have taken that risk in finding love anywhere else…especially Germany 😂!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

All of this is to say German and I go way back, and my weekend in Freiburg definitely brought me much-needed peace.

On my way to Freiburg, I felt exhausted and perturbed. The exciting event I was referring to in my last post was indeed a job interview for my dream role (well, technically I’d like to write a NYT bestseller and live off the book’s income, but ya know, plan B 🙄…), and although I did well, I was passed on for an internal candidate.

The news hit me HARD and I was left in a funk for several days. Being in Milan didn’t help either…I knew I’d have to get back to my job search grind, and the unknown of that gives me anxiety every single freaking day 😔.

So this was on my mind as I sat aboard my first Flixbus (comparable to Megabus in America!). When I got to Freiburg a little over six hours later, I was still in a sour mood, but the quiet walk over to the hotel eventually softened me up.

I mean, there was a Dean & David (German fast casual chain with vegetarian and vegan options!!) next to the amazing Super 8 hotel I was staying at. I fueled with a halloumi salad and fruit and nut brownie before checking into this spectacular room:

Maybe it’s because I don’t like my life right now, but this hotel room got me feeling all sorts of emotional. Being able to leave Milan, even if just for two days, felt like I was able to escape a year-long stay in prison.

Taking multiple hot showers. Not having to worry about keeping the gas off to save on heating. Two comfy beds (lol, just cause I guess?).

Meeting my friend for dinner later was also such an uplifting moment. I felt incredibly relaxed, and so grateful we were able to meet up despite our crazy schedules. Good company truly does make life’s stresses feel a lot less daunting…

At peace in Freiburg

The next morning was wonderful as well. I slept in, had an amazing pancake breakfast, and walked around in the old town square, reveling in Freiburg’s humble cuteness.

I woke up happy that morning. I could feel it in my bones and my voice, and there had to be a reason for it.

That afternoon, I walked into a local store (Kaufland) and stocked up on vegan snacks and unique Pringles flavors not offered in Italy. Cheese and Onion, these Italians are missing out…

I prepped myself for a long run, and used it as an excuse to climb up to the Schloßberg and treat myself to incredible panoramic views of the city, as well as trail into the Black Forest. After a rewarding 14 miles with steep incline, I treated myself to dinner at Dean & David: vegan green curry and a golden milk latte.

My short stay in Freiburg was perfect, because it fed my soul without me expecting it to.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Living in Milan has forced me to compromise and expect less than what I deserve, which is why I think it depresses me while other places restore me.

Despite what other expats in Italy say, things are not good here. That’s the truth. The cost of living is high, and the salaries are abysmally low, even for a post-doctorate like myself. People often tell me “I’m rich compared to others in Italy“, which is a frightening thing to hear…it means most Italians are living right above or close to poverty level when compared to American standards 😧. People also tell me that “well, you can leave whenever you want“, though it’s not that simple.

I need an exit plan. A parachute. A road map.

Yes, I’m tired of living like a nomad. I’m proud of the fact I am capable of being a minimalist, but I’d love to establish roots and live the life I truly deserve. Striving for that when your current situation numbs you is one of the hardest challenges I’ve had to face.

But then those challenges seem to instantly disappear when I am in the right environment…

I wish I could end this post on a more positive note, but reality sometimes prevents glimmers of hope from poking through. Freiburg was a blessing, a promise that I am capable of happiness. My recent, multiple trips to Houston and Austin too. The universe is asking me to be patient and brave. I hope I can continue to do so, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is near.

Hiking Mandello del Lario

Reading Time: 6 minutes

A few weekends ago, I had the opportunity to join eight other expat girls on a hike in Mandello del Lario, a town I had no idea existed since it was my first time going past Lecco, a major city on the other side of Lake Como.

Ticket à la Trenord

I am no expert in sports, except running. I guess I could also throw tennis in there since it was a large part of my high school years, but don’t ask me about anything else, haha!

When it comes to hiking, I’ve always enjoyed the thought of it. Unfortunately, it’s only stayed as a thought because my close circle of friends and family aren’t exactly outdoor types. While they do enjoy the occasional walk for “fresh air”, I’m sure they would have been ANGRY with me if they had joined me on this particular hike…

Sliding down in mud, steep “rock climbing”, gripping onto chains for dear life, almost falling into rapid-flowing streams…

I was a bit nervous too at first, but by the end of the day, I felt like a total bad-a**, frankly speaking!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

The day started at a “decent” hour in the morning. I personally would not have minded if we left at the crack of dawn, but I don’t expect Italians to favor that request—even if they are expats!

Most of the girls caught the train from Milano Centrale, but since I recently moved to Monza, I was able to save an extra 15 minutes in travel (well, sitting in anticipation on the train…I still had to walk over from my apartment 😅).

I met a girl who was originally from Peru at Monza Station who was also joining the hike. We had a nice chat about our life experiences in Italy and she casually mentioned she did part of this hike before with her CHOW CHOW DOG (I was literally squealing with excitement).

The train ride was about 20 minutes (time flies by when you’re talking up a storm!) and we met the other seven girls when we got off. There were some awkward silences here and there as we all tried to figure out how to get to the trails, but someone mentioned coffee and that helped break the ice!

We found a small café and got ourselves together. One of the girls (who is Italian) spoke with a local and figured out exactly where to go. That helped.  

Trail start: we went on the “del fiume” path

It took us about 20 minutes to get to the trail start—and off we went! We officially “clocked in” at around 10:45/11:00. I’m actually not sure of the exact time because I was already in deep conversation with the Italian (working as a post-doc) and a master’s student from Dubai about the toxicity of academia 😅. Oh the things that bond humanity!

Starting off the hike

The first two hours or so felt like a walk in nature. There were some steep parts, but nothing one would call difficult. I had enough energy to keep conversations going, and snap pics along the way—including one of this local:

Donkey pal!

We stopped for “lunch”/a break when we got to the first main waterfall (which some of the girl’s cutely referred to as “cascade”). I brought a simple, ready-to-eat deli sandwich, yogurt, and chips—not my first choice, but your options for ready-meals suitable for hiking are limited for a vegetarian in Italy!

Group pic at the first “cascade”

We definitely needed the rest because the next segment of the hike would require ALL of our energy (and bravery)! One of the hardest parts of the hike had us literally rock climbing. There was a chain strewn across a row of boulders, and we had to hold onto it for dear life while climbing sideways à la Spiderman.

It took us a bit longer to get past this, even more steep climbs, and rocky, narrow paths (I lost my water bottle at this point which I had filled with fresh water from the cascade! Darn!), but we waited for everyone to finish before moving onto our real rest spot.

Steep climbs!

No one was getting left behind.

At this point, we all settled in in the grass. Some girls had their “real” lunches while others napped. I tried not to be annoying while crunching on the rest of my BBQ chips!

We stayed for a full hour, and then decided to head back to avoid getting back too late/past sunset. The hike back was more on the annoying side, only because we were all starting to fall from our endorphin high and knew it would take us at least two hours to get back, even on the “easy, shortcut” paths. I had brought old running shoes for the hike, and had to be very careful since the tread had mostly worn down and I found myself slipping in some areas…

I also found myself a lot more quiet on this leg of the hike. I was hyperfocused on not falling, while also consumed in my own thoughts while some of the girls who still had energy chatted around me.

When we got back into the city of MdL, it felt nice to walk on flat roads again. Some of the girls were in awe when I told them I was doing a long run the next day (had to fit it in before a half marathon the following week…), and to be honest, my legs were totally fine! My arms were the ones feeling all the DOMS the next day…

Cool shot from the hike 😁

We took the train back after 6pm, and I got back home a little before 7.

The train station 😅

I was able to get off in Monza and avoid the Saturday night craziness of Milan. Needless to say, the physical activity of the day left me a good kind of tired and I slept well that night.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

MdL was a great day experience, but I honestly don’t know when and if I’ll be going on another similar hike anytime soon with “winter” approaching (quotes because ya’ll…I’m still wearing shorts in October…I see Italians bundled up already like we’re in the North Pole but I think it’s out of habit vs. necessity!). Eventually, it would be nice to hike the Dolomites, but I’m also not in a rush.

It kind of looked like the Dolomites anyways…

The next couple weeks will be insanely busy, so it was nice that I was able to take a break early on and finally enjoy what (Italy’s) nature has to offer.

Do it for the views

Are you an outdoor/active person?

If We Were Having Coffee…

Reading Time: 6 minutes

…is a classic blog prompt from the 2010s, the golden era of blogging 😁! The way these posts go is the blogger brings up items from their life that have happened since their last post. Usually these posts appear when a blogger has been absent for a while and they want to catch their readers up in a summary form.

This—along with the many surveys that circulated in the blogging community—is one of my favorite prompts when I feel like catching up in a casual way.

So, get yourself some coffee (or tea or water? That’s good too, haha) to pair with this read 😊.

If we were having coffee…

…I’d still talk your ear off about the headshake moments of life in Italy! Recently, I criticized the long-standing “tradition” of I’m-diasppearing-for-the-month-of-August-kthanksbye, and the past few weeks brought along a few more eye rolls:

⭐The Italian government has officially declared that we are no longer in a “COVID emergency” (whatever that means at this point), and so companies are now left to decide whether or not to continue with remote working (otherwise known as “smartworking”, lol).

The company I work for implemented a really great hybrid mode (2 days remote, 3 days in the office), but suspended it the beginning of September until they prepare an “official smartworking contract”.  I don’t see why we have to pause such a good thing, but at least we are not pushing the brakes, as the majority is in favor of continuing hybrid work. It’s only a matter of time…can you even say you’re in Italy if you’re not forced to wait for something?

⭐The annoying thing about this though is that we still have to wear masks in the office, but literally nowhere else in Italy except medical centers (vestigial rules I’m not sure will ever go away) require it. Yo, I thought you said the “emergency” was over? Make it make sense…

⭐I also recently accompanied my boyfriend to a local race track so he could race his car and geek out over car things (lol). That was an interesting experience in itself, and I took the opportunity to “lament” on Yelp:

One of my many candid reviews on Yelp about things in Italy

Let’s just say you can take the truck out of Texas, but Italians can never replace Texans 🤣.

If you use Yelp, check out my other uncanny, unfiltered reviews!

If we were having coffee…

…I’d tell you that social media continues to be sucky. Anytime someone forwards me an “expat in…” video or “American in…” post, I roll my eyes so hard they almost pop out! When I was on Instagram, I used to mutually follow some mild-mannered, practical women who shared pragmatic content about life in Italy, but it’s crazy how luck and “starting out at the right time” can make a random person skyrocket in fame and “influence”.

⭐It makes me upset when I see people who amass huge followings out of pure luck “hijack” the stories and experiences of others with a smaller following, even though these “smaller” accounts have useful content and stories to share.  

They’re just not busting out videos everyday 🙄.

⭐For example, someone “goes viral on TikTok” because they have a quirky audio or make a series of videos that “are just too funny”. It’s probably cliché, but they get lucky and the followers pour in. They build a huge following from that, and then are able to talk about anything they want and get engagement because now they have an audience. This is “the system” in play, and it really is unfair. And if we were having coffee, I’d be calling it out in more detail, big time.

If we were having coffee…

…I’d tell you work has been super busy lately! I got assigned projects that could lead me to San Francisco (‼) for a showcase at the end of October! A lot of steps have to be put in place first (out of my control and at company level), but I’m really hoping that it works out because even though flying out to the West Coast is a nightmare on the legs, any excuse to travel back home is worth it.

Making long slide decks is literally part of the job lol

⭐I do know I will be back in Vegas (for the third time this year, lol) for an exhibition, and I am way too excited for that than I should be 😂.

⭐I’ve also enrolled in some free NIH clinical research courses and I try to post about clinical trials when I can. I know I said I don’t do Instagram anymore, but this account is explicitly for science education outreach. I have been feeling less motivated to be consistent with it lately though, because I know our society as a whole still has a long way to go before science is seen as something worth seeking out and interesting vs. something to fear and hate, unfortunately…

If we were having coffee…

… I’d tell you my running has been going great! My coach out of Houston is awesome and I love the workouts he has me do. I always get nervous on interval days, but then when I crush my HARD pace, I feel amazing. I’m hoping to PR in Monza this October (in the half) and then of course at the marathon in Houston in January.

⭐The running group I organized has been going alright, even though I’ve only met 3 girls through it. It’s better than nothing though, and every time I run with them it’s a lot of fun.

When I do my solo runs, I always stop for cats if I’m not in the middle of a speed interval. If I am, I finish said interval and then walk back to the cat.

And yes, I listen to some hardcore hip hop when I do speed workouts 😅. It’s what gets me to a speedy 7:00min/mi pace so, it works!

If we were having coffee…

…I’d tell you I just cannot avoid living in a city where the rent is just atrocious. First it was LA, and now Milan has caught up to match in ridiculousness. When I was in Milan 2020-2021, the rent was decent. Now it’s gotten so bad because there just aren’t that many vacancies (and ok, blame the geopolitical situation if you want, but I feel businesses often use that as an excuse way too much, like COVID).

⭐So, I’ll be little miss commuter again when I move to Monza next month. It definitely won’t be crazy like my two-hour one-way treks from Anaheim to LA, but it will be somewhat of a pain if we don’t get our remote working situation sorted!

⭐And then you see stories pop up like this and think, yup, we’re LA status now 😬.

If we were having coffee…

…I’d reveal that things have felt stagnant creatively for me lately. When it comes to my ongoing writing projects, I have days where I pop out a really great piece/excerpt within an hour. And other days where I have major writer’s block and feel “forced” to write.

⭐It’s the shared experience of most writers, but I’ve also had the urge to start other creative projects. I think one can fuel the other if they’re both positive experiences. Instagram was supposed to be such an outlet, but because it caused more harm than good, that tie had to be severed.

⭐I’m really excited about this particular venture since I’ll be collaborating with my best friend. We have no clue how it will go, but I think it’s a project that utilizes a platform that is favorable to people who love words and stories, vs. pictures and speedy content. I’ll of course share what this project is when the time comes (soon)!

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I imagine you’ve reached the end of your cup, and I’ve about exasperated your attention span with all my venting and elaborating about events these past few weeks. And while a virtual cup can never replace the experience of a cup in-person, I hope you enjoyed our little coffee date!

What would you tell me if we were having coffee?

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