second gen desi blog – Page 2 – ⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆

Pree May 23, 2023 Milan, Italy

Not Enough: Will It Ever Be?

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My, how time has passed and how I’ve grown since leaving for Italy in late June of 2020. I look back on the almost three years abroad and still question why some of the moments I went through were really hard at times, but the answers will eventually come, as they always do, with time.

2021 was difficult in its own right, but despite my depression taking over and my desperation to get out of my post-doc/still stay, work, (and let’s face it, love) in Italy, I managed to make it out okay and go into 2022 with hope and stability.

But I harbored a lot of anger in the first half of 2022. I can’t say why, but I could point out the triggers. Despite finding an amazing company that helped me stay in Italy in a position that was well-within my career goals, and the fact that they helped with my sponsorship to attain an EU Blue Card (an ordeal in itself, but it had to be done), I tried to be calm about the process that is life, but I found myself getting angry with each passing month…

I found myself feeling FOMO about my career. Even if I had a “good job” for Italian standards, a lot of my peers back home in the US were making $120-150k in the pharma industry, while my salary stood much lower at 45k euros…again, “good for Italy“, but frankly speaking, it wasn’t good enough for me, especially knowing all the toil I put towards my PhD degree…it was not enough.

I found myself seeking validation, and it affecting my mental health in the most toxic way. I quit social media for almost a year after getting into some heated arguments with loved ones about it. But I couldn’t deny that the metrics of holding onto an audience was getting to me. I felt restricted in being able to speak my truth, as I was finding it difficult to “please everyone”…what I tried to share and create on the platforms I chose, was not enough.

I found myself face a rocky personal battle in late 2022, and it shook up my world more than I could imagine. I think of everything I experienced in my life so far, this one had a superior impact on my emotional and mental health, perhaps because it impacted me in my most vulnerable state. The fact that I couldn’t control the outcome of this particular situation terrified me, and out of everything that was contributing to the challenges I faced in Italy, it was this incident that set me in “fight or flight” mode: find a job, and get the f*ck home…because I was not enough.

LinkedIn distracted me from my clock-watching tendencies at work (the result of being under-utilized), yet the the anxiousness and unpredictability of my personal life, and the continued, chronic invisibility I felt as a helpless “foreigner in Italy” made me feel like I had sunk to rock bottom. Perhaps a “dream job” back home making $150k could make it all better.

I was extremely close. It would have been mine and in an alternate reality, perhaps I’d be living in Las Vegas right now traveling to clinics all over the west coast as a medical science liaison, but ultimately, I was passed on what would have been my dream job. I remember receiving the call outside of a restaurant in Milan I had just met a friend at, and walking to the Buonarotti metro stop in tears, only to have a homeless Italian man offer me a tissue. What a sight that must have been for the cold-hearted pedestrians that continued to walk on by…

I had to go back to the drawing board, knowing that I was the only one who could say “enough is enough”. I gave myself a “deadline” to find a new job within the next three months back home, so I could give enough notice for the cold excuse of a studio I “lived” in, as well as give a “heads up” to my current employer, all while trying to find the time to breathe even if the anxiety was all-consuming at this point.

But as usual, I ended up surprising myself. My bosses seemed to be understanding, although not acknowledging the fact I was wanting to leave the country 😅. I remember my department boss asking me to “give it six months, things are going to change around here!”. I’ve always appreciated their support, something rare to receive from upper-management of Italian companies from what I hear, but I also had to be wary of my emotions and how crazy things had been for the last few months.

It wasn’t enough to hear those words, I needed action.

I managed to schedule my day-to-day activities around job interviews that kept rolling in every week. While they provided me with sparks of hope, when the dreaded “we will proceed with other candidates” emails came though, I’d find myself in desperation again. This went on well into March…

But even though a chronic level of stress was always keeping me on edge, I managed to find and/or create pockets of happy moments for myself during the last few months I spent in Italy. As I slowly made my rounds catching up with the few Milan-based friends I managed to make in recent months, and making them aware of my plans to leave soon, they reached out with open hearts and schedules 😁!

AM and I were able to spend quality time in Ravenna, and a few weekends later, she invited me over for vegetarian Colombian food and coffee on a sunny Saturday afternoon—I love a moment of good food (especially homemade!) and conversation!

The two of us also had vegan sushi in Milan’s only (and relatively new) all-vegan sushi restaurant. Finally, ya’ll caught up with the likes of Los Angeles and Austin 🙃.

I was also able to get some expat girls to break out of their aperitivo comfort zone, and I am proud of the fact that I co-organized a clothing swap! I love organizing events and leading groups (heck, the most favorite part of my PhD was mentoring 20+ students!!), and this particular event gave me the self-esteem boost I was lacking lately…

The friend I met in Cagliari and I were able to do some day trips together, to Padova and Parma. It was nice to have a friend to chat with on the dull and dilapidated inter-regional Trennord train rides (nothing like the tourist-friendly Frecciarossa trains) that were always delayed during our excursions.

Wearing a clothing item I got from the clothing swap!

I also squeezed in some solo weekend trips to Porto and Budapest, which went better than expected.

But even all these good moments…were not enough.

I reckoned with the fact that we were approaching mid-March, and reaching that timepoint was cranking up my already-elevated anxiety. Was it just a coincidence that the day after the Ides of March, I’d get a message from a recruiter asking me to interview for a job that would have never been on my radar? That would pay six figures, allow me to work remote, and be a solid career move that would bring me back safe and sound home to the States?

I had interviewed for the role on a Thursday, and received a firm offer the following Monday. Within a matter of days, I was giving my 30 days to my Italian employer, in talks regarding a counter-offer, informing friends, informing loved ones…

The funny thing was, all the anger, anxiety, sadness, and bitterness began to fade once I was firm in my decision. I was putting myself and my needs first, and I truly believe that when you work towards something with sincerity, the best things will happen for you.

I left Italy in mid-April, thinking I would start my new job a few days later. Of course life is always throwing curveballs, and I ended up starting three weeks later. Go figure, but it was nice to unwind in North Houston and have the company of my Dad.

But I think the best part of all this is the fact that I am able to wrap up this post on the couch of my 1-bedroom apartment in Austin, Texas—a city I fell in love with almost two years ago, and from that summer ’21 visit, knew this was the place I would be proud to call home.

My first weekend as a denizen of the best city in the world!

I know way too many people who settle. Due to fear, lethargy, apathy, you name it. But, isn’t life too short for that? If something is not enough, if it gets you flustered, bitter, angry, anxious, deeply sad…you don’t have to accept it. It will take work, and it will most certainly take time, but the universe always comes through—those of us who are starving, we have a reason to fight and we will eventually be fed.

Pree March 7, 2023 Ravenna, Italy

Millennialz in Ravenna

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I have been pretty successful in my last series of trips to “not go at it alone“.

Funny thing is, I have a solo trip coming up, but only because I figured that for some destinations—like Portugal—it’s best to just make it happen and not depend on others. Especially if RyanAir has a deal you can’t pass up.

I have few friends and a couple of acquaintances in the lonely city of Milan, and I have disclosed to these individuals that my time in Milan isn’t indefinite. Upon hearing this, one of my dear friends AM proposed the idea of doing a mini weekend trip within Italy together. We had talked about this before last summer, when I was putting in an effort to meet a lot more girls in an attempt to create a community for myself here (lol, okay then…). Even though a group trip never panned out, I’m glad that AM was still eager to be my travel companion!

One of her photo tags inspired the title of this post—we also talked about being millennials while on this trip, and if you know me, I will talk for hours about the 2000s to no end!

For our trip, we were thinking small—Siena, Udine, Cinque Terre/La Spezia—but then Ravenna was thrown into the picture and it seemed like a reasonable destination for an easy-going weekend trip within Italy. Round-trip train tickets for the end of February cost around 78 euros, but one of the train legs was on the “fast” Frecciarossa train from Milan to Bologna, and for some reason, our return ticket was on the pricey side.

Trains. You can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

We left on a Saturday morning, getting a coffee (of course) at Milan Centrale before our train to Bologna Centrale at 8am. Despite all the things that stress me about daily life in Italy, my morning ritual of a cappuccino plus something helps me survive on the daily. It’s rare that I have a morning without one, and if I do, I’m in the worst mood ever!

But even when pumped with the fuel a cappuccino provides, I can never be fully prepared for the things life in Italy throws at me: including personal space infringement…

AM and I were assigned seats apart from eachother for the first leg of our trip. I was blessed with this view for one hour. La dolce vita, amIright?

From Bologna, we took a shorter train (about an hour) to Ravenna, which is a seaside town located on the western coast of Italy by the Adriatic Sea. It’s a city filled with churches, Dante’s resting place, and mosaics.

Mosaics are literally everywhere. Some cute pieces close to the hotel we stayed at Hotel Mosaico.

We stayed at Hotel Mosaico, a conveniently-placed hotel within walking distance to the train station (although Google didn’t recognize the underground tunnel to access the station, so when we first arrived we walked “the long way” of fifteen minutes around the station and aboveground 😅). Our room definitely gave us the two separate beds we requested, but the size discrepancy was hilarious.

AM was kind to let me have the bigger bed, although I only took up 25% of the mattress, lol!

After checking in, we did my favorite activity every time I’m in a new place—walking around and taking pics of everyday activity, while walking to food 😂.

The city center is small, easy to walk around within minutes, but definitely has a warm and cozy feel to it even on a rainy day!

The ol’ street name on a plaque on the wall vibe was in full swing here also, but bedazzled with mosaic art:

For lunch, I’m glad AM was just as eager to try Amaranto as I was, a vegan restaurant that also served traditional dishes veganified. While I opted for a noodle curry (I was in the mood for something warm and flavorful), AM enjoyed her traditional cappelletti pasta with ragù (it was all vegan, even the ragù, though AM was convinced it was real meat, haha)!

With bellies full, we were hoping to check off some local landmarks from our list, but we found out that a lot of the local attractions have limited opening hours—including on weekends! So even though we were out and about at 2pm, we managed to make it in time to check out Basilica of St. Vitale but had to see a few other landmark churches in the area the next day.

Even though I’m not Catholic, and Italy is literally the birthplace of Catholicism, the mosaic artwork inside Basilica of St. Vitale is something that any cultured person can appreciate.

I honestly wonder if all these artists back in the day had some adrenaline craving—they had to if they were hanging upside down to paint or assemble flecks of glass together. Crazy guys!

Close to the basilica, there was a cute local artisan shop featuring mosaic gifts and souvenirs. I’m not a souvenir kind of person (photos are fine enough for me!), but I love walking through shops that scream the local themes—I find them more personable than the usual touristy spot or museum!

Workshop area in a place called Annafietta

Before heading to the beach (yes, in February), we stopped for a coffee at Mercato Coperto and then quickly stopped to check out the Battistero Ariani (we thought it was free entry, but there was a two euro fee of course!).

Hanging out at the beach was one of my favorite moments on the trip because AM and I transitioned back to teenage girl mode, haha! She found the perfect stick for carving our names into the sand, and we spent a good two hours getting a solid workout in from walking across the terrain!

Previous trips that had me detour the beach left me wasting time when it came to getting back to the city center. Ravenna was kind to us, in that the bus ride was a “short” 30 minute distance back to the train station. We took a winding way back to a convenient bus stop, but we made it back to the hotel in one piece.

After resting for a bit, dinner was on our minds. I was particularly ravenous, and I attribute that to our energy expenditure at the beach!

Surprisingly, we weren’t met with many options to choose from for dinner. We ended up going to Mr. Dante, a restaurant in the piazza that was literally empty at 8pm.

Ladies and gentlemen, how are you not starving at this hour?

I helped myself to the quattro stagioni without ham, so that left me with artichoke, olives, and mushroom. Oh, but it would have been a knock-out if someone had the guts to put onion and pineapple on this bad boy:

If this only had onions and pineapple! But I still gobbled it up nonetheless!

Despite the dark red color palatte and the all-Italian menu, the restaurant had a TV blasting music videos from the 2000s! What a great accompaniment for two millennialz having dinner 😂.

After gobbling up an entire pizza, I still had room for gelato! We walked around the piazza for a bit, and found out where the “cool kids of Ravenna” go out to hang on Saturday nights. They had a boombox and everything, and it was quite a hilarious sight.

My piccola gelato was a chocolate flavor with Smarties-like candies and an amarena (cherry) flavor on top. It started to rain when we finally got our gelato, but I will never say no to a scoop of ice cream!

It didn’t look like a lot but *trust me* it was.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

The next morning, we were met with a downpour. Heavy rain, brisk winds, everything. I wanted to go for a nice run around the city—maybe to the beach and back because you know, #longdistancerunner—but the weather was making it a challenge.

I ended up running underneath the covering of a police station (lol) and managed to get five miles in despite the horrendous weather conditions. It was worthy of a relaxing breakfast provided by the hotel. The pickin’s weren’t amazing in the savory department, but I managed to find “balance” even among the disproportionate amounts of sweets!

I made it work with bread, jam, cheese, a hard-boiled egg, chocolate muesli, and of course, a cappuccino. I absolutely love it when breakfast is included in a hotel stay…there’s something about a hotel breakfast buffet that makes you really feel like you are on vacation 😂.

Our train didn’t leave Ravenna until 2pm, so we had all morning and lunch to finish exploring.

S. Appolinare Nuovo was next, and is what made me realize that with all of these ceilings and artwork on said ceilings, one who is prone to neck pain should be wary of visiting Ravenna 🤣.

My face when looking at these ceilings during this trip lol

The ceiling work was stunning, but of course, you could tell time had a done a number to the building overall. Still, the mosaic work and its colors are striking!

There was an adjacent Dante exhibit, since the famed poet died in Ravenna. His tomb was actually nearby, and we were able to pass by it as well.

It was a proclaimed “quiet zone”.

Our last stop for the trip was Museo Arcivescovile, which AM and I agreed that it was our least favorite of everything we saw.

It was the most “technical” of them all, literally fitting of its name.

While the ceilings were yet again pretty, many of the items on display got…repetitive 😅.

Needless to say, we were more than ready for a proper lunch before making the long journey back to Milan. AM suggested at the start of the trip that we make it a priority to seek out piadina (essentially a flatbread sandwich) as one of the meals during our trip. I’m always happy to indulge in local favorites as long as there is a vegetarian-friendly option.

But piadina and I have had a tricky history. I didn’t realize that traditional recipes call for lard, or strutto, when making the bread, and this was something I found out months after moving to Italy 🙄.

I may be “that girl” who has to ask at restaurants “do you make this with animal fat?”, but a smart restaurant owner knows that with respect and acceptance of all dietary needs comes moneyyyyy 😂.

So we had to pass on another “famous” piadina spot that was open and ended up at Pasticceria Ferrari instead. It was our third pick, and the ambience was reflective of that—a cafe with an old 70’s feel to it with dim lighting and confusion among its menu. But at least we each had our piadina, since they had vegetarian-friendly ones made with olive oil.

Piadina with squacquerone cheese and rucola

We took our time with lunch, and made our way back to Ravenna station. Of course we had almost an hour to kill, and given the dilapidated state of the station, there was no proper seating area. Of course…

Our ride back was entertaining at least: rowdy Ravennean teens blasting Italian hip hop all the way to Bologna, running through the rain once we got to Bologna just to take shelter with some coffee, falling asleep on the train (me!) with no shame, and having a quick dinner at Centrale before heading home!

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

If I’m being honest (always lol), I probably would have been “done” with Ravenna in half an afternoon! It truly is a tiny town more than it is a city, and if I had been a solo traveler, I probably wouldn’t have invested in the tickets to see the inside of the landmark churches (I know, it was only 10 euros to see most of what we saw…).

Still, I’m glad AM and I were able to find time in our schedules to make this mini trip work. Surprisingly, I’ve faced so much hesitation from other expat women in Italy when it comes to planning day and weekend trips in Italy! Not sure why…if you got your butt over to Milan, surely getting on a train for a short weekend trip would be a piece of cake? 😅

So while it’s easier to solo, companionship will always have its perks.

Have you ever visited Ravenna?

Pree February 7, 2023 Freiburg, Germany

Freedom in Freiburg: Escaping the Prison of Milan

Reading Time: 6 minutes

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I recently made a trip to Freiburg, Germany, and boy, was it a few days of reprieve from the onslaught of life in Milan (I came back from the US a little over two weeks ago, and Milan didn’t wait a second to put me in a chronically awful mood…).

Even if I didn’t choose Germany as my expat destination, I certainly have more respect for it than Italy 😅.

Looking back at this grand Black Forest during my 14 miler.

When I was actively putting an effort into Italian, I came across an interesting “quirk”: when trying to translate a phrase from English to Italian in my mind, I would often first think of the phrase in German.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to say “How much does that cost?” in Italian, but “Wie viel kostet das?” hit my brain at lightening speed. When I shared this phenomenon with others, no one seemed to relate.

Perhaps this is only an issue only receptively bilingual folks can relate to—those who have become familiar with multiple languages passively, but are not 100 percent fluent in any of them except their native language (aka, me).

When it comes to Germany, my brain loves the order. The order in the grammar of the language, clear-cut rules (even if they’re a pain, you know what to expect), and a sense of practicality.

This is what drew me to the language in high school, along with the fact that it was a unique offering for language class. Most high schools offered Spanish, maybe French, but German was definitely a not so common offering.

Not to mention, my teacher was an exuberant second gen Chinese American who was probabaly more in love with Germany than any blonde-haired, blue-eyed man straight out of the Black Forest 😅.

German was my favorite class in high school because it brought relaxation after tense periods of AP science and calculus classes (the latter gave my digestive problems, no joke). I was Herr L’s star student (of course, my type A personality wouldn’t have it any other way) and I was known as Inge in his class (we had to pick German names for class, and I actually picked Inge because it sounded like a word in Tamil! 😁).

Calm, rainy Saturday morning in Freiburg

After high school, I tried to continue German in college, but my type A personality was scared to fail. After getting a C+ on my first assignment (an essay), I panicked. I dropped the course because I wanted to focus on making sure I didn’t fail my “more important classes” that would get me into med school 🙄.

My life went a different direction eventually, and obviously 😅. I chose Italy with intention, in that the next step was professional, but not only that…

I didn’t go to Italy for a boy like many other American girls, but I can’t deny the fact I wanted a piece of that Italian romance too! To be honest, I don’t think I would have taken that risk in finding love anywhere else…especially Germany 😂!

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All of this is to say German and I go way back, and my weekend in Freiburg definitely brought me much-needed peace.

On my way to Freiburg, I felt exhausted and perturbed. The exciting event I was referring to in my last post was indeed a job interview for my dream role (well, technically I’d like to write a NYT bestseller and live off the book’s income, but ya know, plan B 🙄…), and although I did well, I was passed on for an internal candidate.

The news hit me HARD and I was left in a funk for several days. Being in Milan didn’t help either…I knew I’d have to get back to my job search grind, and the unknown of that gives me anxiety every single freaking day 😔.

So this was on my mind as I sat aboard my first Flixbus (comparable to Megabus in America!). When I got to Freiburg a little over six hours later, I was still in a sour mood, but the quiet walk over to the hotel eventually softened me up.

I mean, there was a Dean & David (German fast casual chain with vegetarian and vegan options!!) next to the amazing Super 8 hotel I was staying at. I fueled with a halloumi salad and fruit and nut brownie before checking into this spectacular room:

Maybe it’s because I don’t like my life right now, but this hotel room got me feeling all sorts of emotional. Being able to leave Milan, even if just for two days, felt like I was able to escape a year-long stay in prison.

Taking multiple hot showers. Not having to worry about keeping the gas off to save on heating. Two comfy beds (lol, just cause I guess?).

Meeting my friend for dinner later was also such an uplifting moment. I felt incredibly relaxed, and so grateful we were able to meet up despite our crazy schedules. Good company truly does make life’s stresses feel a lot less daunting…

The next morning was wonderful as well. I slept in, had an amazing pancake breakfast, and walked around in the old town square, reveling in Freiburg’s humble cuteness.

I woke up happy that morning. I could feel it in my bones and my voice, and there had to be a reason for it.

That afternoon, I walked into a local store (Kaufland) and stocked up on vegan snacks and unique Pringles flavors not offered in Italy. Cheese and Onion, these Italians are missing out…

I prepped myself for a long run, and used it as an excuse to climb up to the Schloßberg and treat myself to incredible panoramic views of the city, as well as trail into the Black Forest. After a rewarding 14 miles with steep incline, I treated myself to dinner at Dean & David: vegan green curry and a golden milk latte.

My short stay in Freiburg was perfect, because it fed my soul without me expecting it to.

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Living in Milan has forced me to compromise and expect less than what I deserve, which is why I think it depresses me while other places restore me.

Despite what other expats in Italy say, things are not good here. That’s the truth. The cost of living is high, and the salaries are abysmally low, even for a post-doctorate like myself. People often tell me “I’m rich compared to others in Italy“, which is a frightening thing to hear…it means most Italians are living right above or close to poverty level when compared to American standards 😧. People also tell me that “well, you can leave whenever you want“, though it’s not that simple.

I need an exit plan. A parachute. A road map.

Yes, I’m tired of living like a nomad. I’m proud of the fact I am capable of being a minimalist, but I’d love to establish roots and live the life I truly deserve. Striving for that when your current situation numbs you is one of the hardest challenges I’ve had to face.

But then those challenges seem to instantly disappear when I am in the right environment…

I wish I could end this post on a more positive note, but reality sometimes prevents glimmers of hope from poking through. Freiburg was a blessing, a promise that I am capable of happiness. My recent, multiple trips to Houston and Austin too. The universe is asking me to be patient and brave. I hope I can continue to do so, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is near.

Pree November 16, 2022 Milan, Italy

To Kid or Not to Kid? New Pour the Coffee Podcast Episode Out Now!

Reading Time: < 1 minute

“So, when are you having kids?”

The notorious question asked whenever a couple is in the room…

“You don’t want kids?”

The response one hears when the answer is “not typical”…

But what IS typical nowadays? With new cultural and socioeconomic norms, having kids—even if one wants them—is not the same as it used to be…

And for the average late-twenty-something/thirty-something millennial, having a dog might be all we can handle (emotionally and financially).

Can we just accept that?

Chrizz and I dive into this topic further on our latest Pour the Coffee podcast episode: Episode 3 – To Kid or Not to Kid!

Add it to your podcast line-up for the week, and share your thoughts on the subject with us!

Listen on anchor.fm or Spotify!

Pree November 7, 2022 Cagliari, Italy

Cagliari Reflections: I Really Don’t Want to be Alone

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Moving to Italy a little over two years ago has changed me as a person, immensely. It’s brought out sides of me I never knew needed to be unleashed, but they had reason to:

“Tough Boss Pree“, who has no trouble throwing around the “f word” (to my Dad’s dismay, lol), was someone I had to embrace in order to feel some sort of control in a foreign land I otherwise had no voice in.

“Vulnerable Pree” is someone I can’t help but want to give a big bear hug to. Learning and practicing to love unconditionally (self and others) truly is a skill that needs to be nurtured and taken care of. It’s frightening because it’s like exposing your soul, but it is something everyone should find the courage to do because the payoff can be beautiful.

“Extrovert in an Introvert’s Body Pree” is someone I’m proud to have discovered here. I’ve taken initiative so many times in the name of trying to establish connections and friendships. Professionally, I have no problem (in English) effectively communicating. Ha, there’s a reason “communication” is in my job title! It’s definitely daunting to put feelers out all the time and not have every attempt be successful—for every 20 girls I’ve met in Italy, I only happen to meet two on a “frequent” basis, and even that takes work!

These three personas of mine existed before Italy, but now I feel like they are pretty much what characterize my identity at this point.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Even though I’ve done the solo travel bit and I’m no longer a fan, I decided to head down to the South of Italy for a change of scenery while remote working. I planned the trip two weeks in advance, and found a good plane ticket deal along with a place to stay (a room plus private bathroom) that was also reasonable in price (87 euros for 3 nights…not bad!).

When I told people of my plans, alot were curious as to why Cagliari? Why the capital city of Sardegna in the month of October? Why were you not like everyone else spending three weeks roasting like a chicken on the shores of Poetto Beach in August?

Because I’m Pree, and I do things my way—that’s essentially what solo travel is at the root of it.

Thursday was a travel day in the morning, and both Thursday and Friday were remote working days. Friday morning, I was able to venture out for a morning run with views by the water.

I went out to the city center for lunch, dinner, and ice cream (lol) but was overwhelmed/tired by work during the day, so I retreated back to my lodging to rest up early both nights.

I was also feeling a bit down about being alone, and the thought of planning things for the next day seemed daunting… still, I made a list of things to distract myself with, including figuring out where to eat. Even though I’ve had a troubled past with food, it’s often been my default item to go to for comfort—seeking out a cool restaurant with unique vegetarian or vegan-friendly options. Delicious desserts. Writing about it after…

Calories have always been my tried-and-true companions…

*Side note – I’m active on Yelp, and reviewed all of my Cagliari eats there. Follow me there if you are a food+pics kind of person too 😂

I did however *try* to find an alternate distraction via a walking tour. Ultimately I’m glad I did, because the vibe of my trip turned around when I met a new friend on said walking tour.

On Saturday, I slept in a bit and then took the bus down to get breakfast (Bus No. 8 and I got very familiar with eachother over the few days I was in Cagliari, lol). Even though I ran a 6 miler the day before, my body craved “slow” cardio so I skipped my normal morning run. I did however plan to attend a walking tour, secretly hoping I’d meet a new pal to help me distract myself more in Cagliari.

Before making my way to the tour’s meeting point, I stopped at Necropoli di Tuvixeddu , a park of ancient tombs. It was quite underwhelming on a Saturday morning, but nevertheless I tried to snap a couple pics:

I eventually made my way to the walking tour meeting point, atop a hill in Old Town Cagliari. My tour guide was a local, and I was soon joined by an elderly white couple on a cruise layover (lol typical!).

Thankfully for me though, I ended up meeting another girl solo traveling, from Milan! We got to talking and she actually works close to where I live. My goal was now to confirm plans with her for the rest of the day, rather than pay attention to the tour 😂! I was determined to redeem myself from the ennui that was building up from the trip thus far by making a new friend.

We got to go into a university library and look at some REALLY vintage books

By the end of the tour, the both of us ended up getting lunch at one of the most famous bistros in Cagliari (Libarum Nostrum) but they callously placed us out in the direct sunlight. I also didn’t want to pay too much for lunch, so I got a plate of spaghetti which… actually wasn’t that bad?

We were both pretty tired after lunch, so we agreed to retreat back to our respective Airbnbs, charge our electronics, and meet up at Poetto Beach in a few hours. I headed out at 5:30pm, and took the bus down to the center as usual. However, the next bus was bit confusing to figure out.

I eventually figured out where the bus stop was (after pushing myself through a group of crazy kids!) and headed down to Poetto. It was a beautiful drive with the sun setting, but that was it…the sun was setting!

Silly me packed a towel thinking we’d be able to sit out on the sand and enjoy the waves. By the time I got down, it was already twilight.

It was still gorgeous though.

My new friend eventually came down and we both realized our beach plans no longer made sense 🤦‍♀️. We instead walked for a bit, and then found the closest bus stop to get back to the center.

I could have made it a priority to make it to the beach “on-time”, but I was content spending the cool-weathered evening walking with a friend vs. hours of alone time on the beach during the day…

For dinner, we thought back to what our walking tour guide recommended and remembered Taccas because of the Sardinian specialty they offered—deep fried pecorino cheese topped with honey. We were sold.

The city center is always packed in the evenings, but we got food within a decent time frame and were able to head back to our respective Airbnbs around 10pm via bus (seriously, you don’t need a car for Cagliari—you can survive with handy-dandy bus numbah 8 😂!).

I left for Milan the next morning, and got back in the early afternoon. I didn’t expect to find another solo traveler on my walking tour, especially since my previous solo trips did not prove successful in the arena of friendship (lol), but low expectations met with pleasant surprises helped turned this trip around.

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This trip was also planned on a whim, to serve as a distraction from life events that left me raw in early October. Ultimately what made this trip “redeemable” was hanging out with another person. It’s crazy how “extroverted” I’ve become in recent months, and I still am not sure if it is a natural transition, or a mechanism my brain has adopted to avoid feeling alone and lonely…

…because being an expat is lonely. And definitely scary. I’ve learned you can’t put all your “eggs in one basket” so to speak, and while planning does help my (still) type-A personality, anxiety does set in that I just can’t shake away—especially if I find myself in an isolated moment in a foreign land that does everything in its power to not make me feel at home.

I still encourage everyone to experience solo travel in their lives. Being alone shouldn’t be scary, but I have spent a lot of my life doing things alone. It’s now become something I dread thinking about, but sometimes it is more convenient to just get out, go, and get it done.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone or alone time, I’m just at a point in my life where more of it terrifies me. The thought of choosing to be alone and not have anyone care or think about you, or want to be with you…I think that is what has made it feel so crippling to me as I’ve gotten older.

Nowadays, the warmth and presence of other souls restores my energy, as much as being alone used to do for me…

Cagliari was nice, but I know I am happiest every time I’m visiting my Dad in suburb Texas. My sister in good ol’ Austin. My bestie in Vegas. Falling asleep on the couch with a special someone while Netflix is playing for hours all weekend.

I’d rather my life be full of people over places. Anything to avoid the heart-wrenching pull of being alone.