south asian writer – Page 5 – ⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆

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When it comes to television and movies, I am extremely picky.

Action bores me. I could care less about fantasy. Horror does nothing but maybe make me jump in my seat once or twice over the span of 120 minutes, if I haven’t already fallen asleep 20 minutes in!

What does call my attention is a good story—something you can tell the writers behind-the-scenes were fully invested in. At that point, it really doesn’t matter what “genre” you are watching—a good story captivates its audience regardless.

So even though I prefer the classic comedy or drama, the cliché formula does not cut it for me anymore. Sometimes (okay, maybe 80% of the time nowadays), I’ll watch my favorite teen dramas or sitcoms from the 2000s for nostalgia (Degrassi on HBO Max has been my go-to as of late…), but I can take a break and watch something “new” if it’s worthy of my attention.

And with Ms. Marvel? It surprisingly was.

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Why do I say surprising? Ha! I’m a brown second gen desi! I HAVE to like Ms. Marvel because the protagonist is a brown girl, right?

Well, simply put, no. That’s not how it works, and that’s not how it should work.

Here goes with my unpopular opinion: I could never wrap my head around Bridgerton. I did give it a go, but I just didn’t vibe with it. Funny thing is, I absolutely love historical fiction, memoirs, and biopics. I am a huge fan of the show “The Crown” (although I am not a fan of British history because the so-called “empire” did a lot of harm to the desi world…), because for a reenactment of a historical period done many, many times (Hollywood’s infatuation with the British queen is quite odd, haha), the writing and storytelling is top-notch.

I’ll also take this time to recommend The Gilded Age if you’re looking for another historical fiction stunner—amazing show!

So even though South Asian actors were cast for season 2 of Bridgerton, that didn’t change my opinion of the show. I didn’t become a fan overnight because they cast people with skin color similar to mine…

You’ve still got to hold me with your story.

When it came to Ms. Marvel, I only knew it was a part of the Marvel franchise, but nothing about its debut for television. Although, it was not a surprise at all, seeing as though the franchise churns out content at the pace of that one meme…

To be honest, I’m glad I was not active on social media during its release. I’m sure accounts within the South Asian niche I used to follow would have touted the show for all the wrong reasons.

“YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS BECAUSE IT HAS A BROWN GIRL IN IT”, etc.

But I am glad I did watch the show, especially after successfully avoiding the influence of external peer pressure. Now I can say, you must watch this show. Not because it stars a brown girl, but because it’s a great example of how to tell second gen (desi) stories in a casual, yet captivating way.

It’s the old adage: Don’t tell ‘em. Show ‘em.

Since I am Marvel’s worst representative, I can do a brief, spoiler-free description of the show justice. The series tells the story of Kamala Khan, a second gen desi (specifically, a Muslim Pakistani-American) high school girl from Jersey City, who discovers her superhero powers thanks to a family heirloom (can’t make it more desi than a bangle, haha).

I found myself half-asleep through the action scenes, but fully attentive during the parts that dove into Kamala’s personal story. Most of the material was fresh, and far from the stereotypical bore that has become “strict desi parents who don’t trust their kids”.

True, her parents didn’t want her trekking out to AvengerCon on a school night…but tell me, whose parents would allow them to do that?

I loved seeing Kamala portrayed as a happy-go-lucky, down-to-earth girl who is passionate about art and comics, and content with who she was as a person. While she respects her roots and culture, she is like most second gen teens, and her life just naturally blends two cultures without a thought. Her new powers didn’t change who she was either—they accentuated what she already had within her.

The little bit about “Kamala” meaning “Marvel” was a very cute addition to the script…

The writers did a great job weaving in mosque life and emphasizing Pakistani and Muslim culture whenever possible. The Western world likes to group all desi cultures together, forgetting that even just within India, there really could be 20+ countries if we go by the varied languages and ethnic groups. It’s definitely a “win” for all South Asians if people who watched the show can understand this…though I doubt it, we’ve still got a long ways to go.

In addition to the great writing and quality representation, the music was absolutely on point. There was at least one song I recognized in each episode, and even the background music was *chef’s kiss* impeccable. We had everything from old Bollywood to Jai Wolf—talk about representation!

I’m glad I gave Ms. Marvel a chance, despite my apathy for action, superheroes, and comics (manga is the only exception for pre-teen/high school me, haha), because the show did a great job of storytelling, something that seems to be a rarity in the entertainment industry nowadays.

So whenever I spot a good story, I make it my responsibility to entice others to give it the light of day as well. And if that story happens to shine the spotlight on desi characters? That’s great. Let’s keep the ball rolling then. Let more voices have the chance to share their lives through great storytelling too.

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Disclaimer: this post is not sponsored! I am not receiving any compensation from thredUP for this post. Just reporting on my experience and pushing everyone I know to give thrifting a go!

One of my colleagues in Italy recently told me I would have fun checking out the “saldi” since it’s that season in Milan right now…

But 1) nothing is on sale in Milan unless you got to Primark or H&M, and you will never catch me making purchases from those “fast fashion monsters” ever again and 2) I’d honestly rather thrift and feel good about doing my part to live sustainably.

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A few months back, I wrote about my journey with “fashion” and figuring out the best way to manage a tidy, sustainable closet. Definitely check out that post if you haven’t yet!

I was keeping the concept of “sustainability” in my mind even before the concept of “fast fashion” exploded in the media. To me, I could never fathom the idea of spending an irresponsible amount of money on piles of clothes I’d never wear.

I’m also very type-A, and an excel sheet is involved in my organization methods…

So that’s why I don’t go “shopping” anymore. Except maybe for essentials like running shoes, socks, and underwear…but even those are 1-2x a year purchases 😛.

When it comes to clothes? Ladies and gentleman, we have a dire problem on our hands. We need to start acting responsibly when it comes to our textile purchases.

And just in case you didn’t know—ya’ll, it’s okay to thrift.

One site I’ve grown fond of recently is thredUP. They’ve been around for a while, but I recently took advantage of them since I was trying to change up my wardrobe this year because of 1) a new job (no more lazy lab-researcher-at-the-bench looks!) and 2) a desire to change things up!

After selling locally at resell shops in Houston, I put together a collection of clothes and shoes I wasn’t able to sell, and packaged it for thredUP. thredUP is an online “thrift” site where you can send in clothes to try and sell, or buy clothes that have been sent in by others. You can filter out clothes by brand, size, and quality (brand new with tags all the way to “good” condition).

Even clothes that qualify as “good” condition are heavily vetted.

If any of your sent items are passed, they are responsibly recycled according to their FAQ.

They also give a very generous first-timers discount (about 50% off most listed items + free shipping). I took advantage of this code recently, and made way with some very snazzy items if I do say so myself…

I got all of this for around $50, free shipping with my first-order promo code.

This collection included:

✨ Guess Sleeveless Blouse (New with tags)

✨ Ivory Ella Long Sleeve T Shirt (tie-dye style, excellent used condition)

✨ Black Winter Hollister Cardigan (New with tags, uhm what?!)

✨ Billabong Summer Dress (New with tags, again…anyone who’s ever shopped at PacSun knows that these surfer brands have a rep for being expensive!!)

✨ Victoria’s Secret (VSX) Sports Bra (NEW WITH TAGS! For $7.80!!)

✨ “Vintage Y2K” (Oh boy, this is what the kids are calling my teenhood 😭😭😭) Abercrombie and Fitch Blue Khaki Shorts (good used condition)

✨ The same “Vintage Y2K” (🙄🤦🏽‍♀️) Abercrombie and Fitch Blue Khaki Shorts (good used condition)

It averages to about $8 an item—not bad given the brands I was able to find and the brand new with tags quality!

Another cool thing about thrifting is you can go back in time to shop! LOL! I never got to wear Abercrombie in high school…I finally shopped there in college, but then took a break from it in recent years. Now, I feel like I can go back in time and live the teen years I observed others live from the sidelines 🤣

Take-aways:

🛍 Great for a buyer, okay for a seller – you’ll obviously find a lot more great bargains as a buyer, since the seller takes a brunt of the cost. After thredUP’s commission, you don’t get much for middle-of-the-road items. I recently sold a shirt from Old Navy for $0.39, but it was one I was not expecting to at all—in fact, I thought it was going to get recycled 😂!

🛍 Can save items over time, and make one purchase when you are ready – I’ve noticed that a lot of items have “likes” or are “sitting in someone’s cart”, but then they are still on the site for weeks. Just comes to show people love to browse passively but when it comes to buy time, most people don’t act! So this can be to your advantage, especially if you have a first-time code to use. You can browse for as long as you want, save items to your favorites, and buy everything together when you are ready (and take advantage of the FREE SHIPPING)!

🛍 Printable mail tag is useful whenever you want to ship out items that you’d otherwise donate or throw away – since January 2022, I’ve sent in three separate packages. Because of short-staffing issues, the shipments do take a while to sort through. For a package I sent in mid-February 2022, it didn’t get processed until end of May 2022! They did announce they are opening more facilities to help with processing incoming shipments, but this is something to be aware of in case you want cash fast.

🛍 Be aware of how sizing works – especially if you are interested in anything “used”. Because of wash and wear, fabric can stretch out and not really be true to tag.

This was the example with my shorts. One was tagged one size higher than the other, but the flat measurements ended up being the same! At least on thredUP, they measure things in a way that makes sense so it helps when deciding whether or not to purchase:

Two shorts, tagged as two different sizes, ended up having the same measurements more or less!

Also be aware of your item’s style—if it’s described high-waisted, the waist will be measured higher up.

Waist is one word that has thrown women off for centuries…

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If you want to give thredUP a try, click here for a $10 credit! Send some of your “old” stuff in, knowing it will end up in a new closet or responsibly recycled, and browse for “new” things for yourself while living sustainably 😉

Do you pay attention to your closet’s sustainability?

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Every trip I’ve made back to the US from Italy, since August 2021, has been surprisingly enlightening, and one thing is absolutely clear.

Italy will never be home. America is the parent I long had the “rebellious, teen phase” with, who I now realize has been there for me all along, waiting for me to come to my senses 😂.

I semi-kid, but in reality, I have had yet another epiphany.

Life has an interesting way of working. I look back on all the steps I’ve taken so far and do not regret a single event, although if I had the chance to go back in time with the knowledge I’ve gained, boy, I’d use it to my advantage.

I am grateful that my current job is a stepping stone for something greater in my career. True, the pay is less than what I’d like (I’m not exactly eager to transition to an Italian contract for that reason…), but my current role offers a lot of flexibility. There are still opportunities for me to stay connected stateside and I can only hope what I do now will build up to that future I envision.

I must admit that every time I am in the US though, it feels like a HUGE sigh of relief. It’s like I can finally remove a mask that was suctioned to my face for the longest time and I can breathe once again!

And I will also admit that, I probably wouldn’t feel so grateful for “America the beautiful” if it hadn’t been for my experience living abroad!

When I make my trips back to the US, I am so much more appreciative of…

Working in a coffee shop & Starbucks coffee

The idea of parking yourself in a coffee shop and working for hours is purely American. It’s rare to get away with that in Italy, except for maybe one or two shops that cater to the working tourist/digital nomad.

Even then, they play the game real well—pricey entry fees and still expensive coffee.

Starbucks ain’t cheap, but a $5 signature drink for unlimited hours of workspace and wifi? How can anyone complain.

I spent a recent Saturday morning parked at a Starbucks in North Houston to work on an important project for my job. It was the perfect occasion to try the new Chocolate Cold Brew (thanks to Allie for bringing it to my attention on her blog!).

I wasn’t a super fan of the drink, but the fact that I could order something “crazy” like that off a menu with 20+ other off-the-wall concoctions? That is American freedom at its finest.

Also, I now crave American Starbucks whenever I am back on US soil. Who even am I? 😅

Stores like Sprouts and Whole Foods

This goes along with the above—innovation when it comes to food products is pleasantly insane in the US. I have always loved Sprouts and Whole Foods because of the plethora of items they have in the vegetarian and vegan space. Sure, the price tag can be on the hefty side for WF especially, but food has always been my treat.

If I had to pick between access to all the “authentic” Italian gelati, pizza, and pasta or Sprouts/WF visits, I’d be crazy to give up the latter!

Anything but the metric system

Yes, I am a scientist, but Imperial is my comfort zone. In the lab, I can use metric all day long and not be bothered, but when I run, my distances are in miles. When I’m figuring out what to wear for the day, I can’t be bothered with Celcius. Give me Fahrenheit, baby 🔥 😂

I’ve been teased for my penchant of anything but metric, but how can you blame any American for that when it’s literally what we’ve grown up with? Changes don’t happen overnight. Jimmy Carter tried to “right our wrongs”, but the history books can tell you about that backlash. Now, I simply shrug my shoulders and say, “I’m not Google, can’t convert that for ya.” 😅

Love for running (and runners!)

When I met with a potential running coach based in Houston a few months back, I was telling him about how finding a group of runners in Milan has been unsuccessful for me, and how the “running culture” most of us are familiar with in the US just hasn’t seemed to permeate in Italy, to which he replied,

“So, they’re like how the US was 20 years ago?”

I couldn’t help but nod in agreement because it was (unfortunately) so true! Exercise and fitness in general seem to be more “trendy” in the US compared to Italy.

I love my solo runs, but I pine for the days I used to train with other passionate runners for the LA Marathon. It can be difficult to replicate that type of camaraderie elsewhere if there are barely any participants in the activity you love…

All the races I’ve run so far in 2022 have been in Texas. It honestly is a chore to navigate running culture and racing in Italy in comparison…

The art of negotiation

I’ve come to the realization that Italians really have a passion for the word “no” 😂. The firmness, the “no-I-can’t-do-anything-go-away” type attitude is infuriating, but also something I now chuckle to myself over. I’ve gotten into my share of arguments with US post office and DMV workers and the like, but at least these occasions had some level of reasoning and back-and-forth. In Italy, the language barrier doesn’t help, but even when I’ve had assistance from Italian speakers, I never got anywhere productive.

Either my “helpers” were too timid for the job, or the concept of negotiation simply does not exist…

A trip to a DMV in Texas a couple of months ago made me realize how good I’ve got it. Americans are always complaining about government offices, but compared to my experiences in Italy? It’s like night and day! Even if a headache is still part of the price to pay, there is always room for negotiation stateside.

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I will never shy away from being honest, especially on my own blog. When I was on IG, I kept this same sentiment, but did hold back at times in order not to “completely offend” expats/”lovers of Italy” I mutually followed. I wrote a post about opinions and how it’s healthy to listen and understand why one has a particular opinion. I normally recommend people to that link if they get a little upset about what I have to say 😏.

Being an expat is not always a fairy-tale adventure, but it can often help a lost soul find her purpose, even if it means looking back and being grateful for her roots. And I think this is what my current expat experience is doing for me…

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So, this is my first blog post after deleting @secondgendesi from Instagram a little over a week ago, and the timing couldn’t have been better. I will admit that I experienced a huge amount of FOMO in the days after deleting. Feeling weird about not “posting to stories”. Experiencing sadness and crazy mood swings…it really is scary how social media can play with our mental health so intensely…

These feelings wore off about 4 days after I quit, in the middle of my work trip. Perhaps it was the packed schedule of my first industry conference, but it became easier and easier to not give a thought to the “world” I left behind. There’s no pressure to keep up with other peoples’ stories, or watch who likes my posts or views my story and get mad at those who don’t…

At the moment, my only connection to IG is through a science education account. I use it to share information about clinical trials in an easy-to-follow way, and it is meant to provide *some* useful content on a space so many spend time on.

This blog however, is the still the perfect place to elaborate on life things, and share it with people who actually care. Including things like life abroad experiences and global business trips.

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While I won’t explicitly say the name of the conference I went to, you can probably put two and two together after a little internet search, if you are that curious 😅. It was my first time in Switzerland in the French side (as an adult, not a five-year-old), and taking the train from Milan on an early Tuesday morning for a 4-hour ride was a very “European” experience.

I was traveling alone, since some of my colleagues drove on their own (dang!), took a plane, or took earlier trains. I was supposed to travel with my boss boss, but plans are always changing for directors so I had a feeling I’d be traveling on my own (which I was fine with).

The train was headed in the direction of Domodossola, a border city in Italy near the mountains. Once we passed the border, I had to rely on my company phone for data and a mobile hotspot, since my personal phone plan is a cheap Italian one that only offers good data service within the EU 🙄.

Regardless, once in Swiss territory, the views only got more beautiful with the distance. Once we approached Montreux, then Laussanne, we were encircling Lake Geneva which brought with it some gorgeous views. I of course had a headache, and couldn’t appreciate these gorgeous views to the extent I wished I could.

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Once I arrived in Geneva at noon, I had to find the bus that would take me to PalExpo, where my conference was taking place. Years of navigating public transit in foreign cities has helped me to figure out new cities with ease, but even then I face hiccups. I spent about 20 minutes waiting on the opposite side of the station for the bus, and only after a kind woman helped a French-speaking bus driver translate did I realize I had to walk back to the right side of the station.

My patience was wearing a bit thin, since Tuesday wasn’t a “good mood” day due to my social media “withdrawl”, my heavy bags, and accumulating sweat on my work clothes 😅.

Things were fine once I checked in at the expo, dropped off my bags at our company’s booth, and joined my colleagues for a talk being given by one of our scientific collaborators. Besides the collaborator just staring at me upon a colleague introducing us, not offering a handshake, and asking “do you speak Italian?” in the most judgy way, the talk went fine 🙃.

I went to some more talks in the afternoon, met with some companies we might be interested in collaborating with, and also snapped up some freebies wherever possible. I came away with ALL the vitamins, gummies, rice snack bars, and reusable bags…my countless experience with race expos came in handy here.

My half-day at the expo was tiring, yet I managed to have enough energy to chat with one of our sales guys on the shuttle back to the hotel. My colleague helped check me in, and once I got up to my room, I could not help but crash on the bed and lay motionless for a full hour—but not without taking some pics first.

A luxurious bed with some expo freebies on top

Concierge reminded me I could “order” a complimentary pillow before 10pm. I didn’t take advantage of it because I was too tired to make the choice, but some of these options sounded intriguing:

I had to get ready for a dinner out with some colleagues, which also felt exhausting because it was an added “Italian immersion” session for my brain. When I have the energy, it makes tackling language learning a *bit* easier, but after a long, busy work day that was already full of interactions? My brain was dead, and the bland excuse of a pasta dish (the only vegetarian option, of course) I had at the overpriced restaurant we visited did not help…

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The next morning, I surprisingly had enough energy to squeeze in a 3 mile run before the day’s events. Geneva is a beautiful city to run around in:

I got up at 6, and after the run, shower, and getting ready, I was waiting for everyone in the lobby at 8:00 sharp.

Too bad the shuttle was scheduled to arrive at 8:30.

My colleague spotted me and urged me to get some breakfast, since the day’s events were set, but could turn unpredictable. I couldn’t say no, since it was a business trip meal expense, after all.

I was obviously tired of bread and pasta, so I took a stab at the cold bar. Got some interesting picks for “breakfast”, including pickled onions, jam, cream cheese, hard-boiled eggs, and goji berries. I even asked for a cappuccino, but it never came. Sadly, I couldn’t be patient. I had to dart back to the lobby so I wouldn’t miss the shuttle at the actual time!

Wednesday was packed with more talks, booth visits, and two presentations particularly important for my company. One of the presentations was right before “lunchtime”, and I knew I had to eat something or I’d collapse.

Too bad the organization of the expo regarding food options was abyssmal. Swiss prices are crazy to begin with—at least have plenty of food hot ‘n’ ready for hungry industry professionals!

I had to choose between a 20CHF salad (that I wasn’t sure would fill me up) or 20CHF crepes made with egg, cheese, and spinach…the crepes won over.

Egg, spinach and cheese crepe — the food truck ladies packed the spinach on THICK. Which was appreciated, but I had to make sure none of this spilled on my dress!!

Was it worth waiting 40 minutes in line, plus another 20 for the crepes to be made? Not really, but my ravenous stomach begged to differ.

Anyone else hate eating hot/oily food when you’re dressed up? I’m so paranoid about sweating from the effort of eating—it’s a never-ending struggle!

I managed to make it to the end of the day, but not without feeling like a truck had run me over. On the shuttle back to the hotel (after waiting under the heat of the uncharacteristically hot May sun…), I found myself falling asleep, and once I got back to my room, I crashed.

Still, I had to make it out for yet another “team dinner”. Actually, we started off with aperitivo, or whatever it’s called in French Switzerland. I didn’t complain too much because 1) there was a fantastic cool breeze that made me feel cold for once and 2) the view was breath-taking:

After my colleagues downed their Aperol spritzes and I my orange juice, we went downstairs to the hotel restaurant. The lighting was dim and I was around people, so I wasn’t going to be that girl and take obnoxious photos.

I did partake in obnoxiously-priced Swiss food and a custom-made pea risotto, because yes, only ONE item was vegetarian on the entire menu…

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The next morning was one that I did not spring out of bed for—I sacrificed what could have been the perfect opportunity for another run around Geneva, for an extra hour in bed. I also had hotel breakfast again, and this time, I got my cappuccino in time.

It looks adorable, but tasted *oh so* bland.

Thursday was the last day of the expo, and also the slowest. I was able to fit in some last minute booth meetings, after getting a shot of espresso from our booth closet (lol) and resting at one of our tables for an hour.

I left with my colleague around lunch to catch the train back to Milan. We got some lunch and snacks to-go from Migros, a local Swiss store chain, and shockingly, our combined total for lunch, snacks, and chocolates to bring back to share with colleagues that stayed behind ended up being 90 CHF….how?

At least one of the items of that purchase was a good one: vegan chewing gum that had a fantastic flavor:

It was a slow four hours back, but at least I slept well that night. The next day was still a working day, but at least my inbox was pretty quiet 😅.

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For my first ever industry-related event-focused business trip, Geneva was not a bad destination at all. This was also the first time post-COVID I experienced long-term interaction with thousands of people (I didn’t talk to all of these people, but just navigating a large crowd again…man, it was exhausting!).

This trip was also a reminder of the language barrier I still face. I had my share of “how’s your Italian going?”/”do you speak Italian?”/”why don’t you speak Italian?” questions thrown at me on this trip, and of course it’s an annoyance I know will pop up as these events continue. I said in a recent post that while picking up Italian would be nice, it really isn’t my ultimate goal. I have so many other dreams that I hope I can make true, and speaking fluent Italian isn’t necessarily one of them…especially if it means I’d have to sacrifice time spent to make the other dreams possible.

But of course, is that politically correct to say as an expat? Am I just being a stubborn American?

Maybe, but maybe I’ve also struggled and failed way too many times in the past to feel motivated enough to try again.

Some thoughts to pick up on in a future post…I’m sure I’ll experience more situations that will elaborate on this issue further, and perhaps better explain why language learning has been one of the greatest banes of my existence…

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Today’s world is beyond bonkers. If you don’t agree with me, can I join you under that rock 😅?

I’m one of those people who believes social media since Facebook has done more harm than good, and I pine for the days of Yahoo Messenger and (maybe, a little bit of) Xanga.

We would have definitely been friends in middle school, circa 2004, if you had a Xanga—chatterbox and embedded music, anyone?

The platforms we recognize as social media today I’m sure had humble origins, meant for people to use to keep in touch with friends, schoolmates, family, etc., but the realm as we know it has ballooned into a monster of competition, jealousy, money, and desperation. TikTok (of the Western world) is literally a poor man’s lecture series—short videos of people intimately facing the camera, sharing more beliefs than facts, constantly trying to reel in naïve viewers with shock value. Of course, we still have righteous individuals bravely trying to take space and fix the wrongdoings of others (scientific communicators on the platform, for example), but boy, the crazy ones still outnumber us!

Social media has made it easier to ensure we all know that everyone has an opinion. The question is, are opinions inherently “bad”?

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If you keep Google’s response in mind, I don’t think so:

In fact, they can be enlightening about someone’s life experiences, and can allow us to understand why they have those perspectives.

Take for example, my opinion on social media. Why do I think it does more harm than good?

As a scientist, I’ve seen the rampant spread of false information regarding scientific topics. The safety and efficacy of vaccines is a prime example of a topic where misinformation has spread like wildfire. It’s been infuriating for me to see the effect this has had on our world during the pandemic.

As a creator, the puppeteering algorithims of Instagram have been anything but helpful towards me. Along with being a scientist, I am a writer, and when I was first carving out my space on Instagram, I was having a tough time growing. I didn’t fit a “visual” niche. Writing is an art form that requires patience of the creator and reading the material that comes out of writing, requests patience of the consumer. Instagram, and other social media platforms, laud eye-catching pictures and short videos with shock value. It celebrates itself as an “entertainment” platform, but excuse me…

When did reading something not become entertainment?

I would imagine that celebrities, businesses, and “successful influencers” (that word makes me want to laugh and vomit at the same time…as if the number of followers you have dictates true influence?) would have a different opinion from mine, most likely because their experiences with social media has benefited them.

Same could be said for people who have personal accounts to keep in contact with friends and passively consume content. There is no “competition” on your end when you have the power to choose from what has been created for you.

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Along with my strong opinions about social media, I have strong opinions about other topics too. I know I will have people ready to high-five me, or people ready to whip out a list of arguments telling my why I’m wrong, but in either case, I welcome both.

Regarding my expat experience, I’ve had people question me why I’m so critical of Italy.

“Go back to America then,” I’ve been told aggressively.

But the thing is, these opinions were formed based on the experiences I’ve had. And the magical thing about opinions is, is that they can change too.

There are expats who’ve had an opposite experience from mine—welcomed with open arms, minor struggles they were able to laugh off, a more understanding support circle to help with the transition—who would probably offer a more positive opinion on living abroad in Italy.

All of our opinions are valid, because they are the result of rich and exciting life stories.

So when it comes to listening and sharing opinions, I think being reminded of the following helps with maintaining healthy discussions:

Opinions are the introduction to someone’s story, having the patience to dig deeper could perhaps foster a strong sense of empathy and trust.

Trying to “prove someone wrong” by telling them they are wrong will make them more staunch in their opinion. It’s always better to be the person who takes the high road and leads by example. A petty argument is never worth it.
Dangerous topics can lead to hurtful opinions. It takes a strong person to sit through words that may be triggering, but these hurtful opinions reveal a lot more about the person who harbors them. Choosing to drop the conversation is just as valid as choosing to forgive. This is a situation that definitely calls on us to remember that opinions can stem from painful experiences, and that we shouldn’t be quick to judge the person, but rather, understand why they have come to form those opinions.

In my opinion, opinions are OK for healthy discourse. We just have to be mindful of our reactiveness to them.

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