The first time I “stepped into the world of dating” was soon after my PhD graduation in Los Angeles. It was short-lived, but my first time using a dating app—Bumble.
Bumble seemed to have a decent reputation, since women get to make the “first move”. Tinder terrified me due to the reputation it had, so I made the wise choice and stayed away.
But Bumble in LA didn’t go anywhere, because I began to have doubts, and decided I wasn’t ready. I was also still trying to make Italy work out, and knew that if that was in my future, starting something in LA wouldn’t make sense.
So, once “Lockdown One” was out of the way and I was settled in Milan, I braced myself for a new adventure…
Luckily, I didn’t have to spend too long or waste too much time, but I caught a few screenshots that were too hilarious not to share.
Sometimes dating isn’t scary or frustrating, it’s low-key this-got-me-rolling-on-the-floor-LAUGHING.
————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-
After things initially opened up post-Lockdown One, it was no surprise that Bumble was flooded with people.
Is that the reason why literally every other guy in the line-up was named Stefano? 🤔
BUT WHY STEFANO THOUGH?
Now I feel like doing a historical deep dive to analyze why women who had children in the late 80s/early 90s were so fond of the name Stefano 😂
And if not Stefano, then Luca…
In case you didn’t catch it, Luca is into traveling.
Curt Luca was a gem:
After he said “no”, our conversation died 🔥.
While Stefano and Luca are quite common in Italy, not so sure about these ones…
Febreeze here think he’s gonna find Swifer? Ma lookin’ for a female Pa? What is with these guys? 😅
Girls aren’t the only ones plugging their socials on here…guys do it too, on top of adding some emoji flare to their bios and showing off their “command of English” 😅
I am in police omg I can’t…
There are also ambitious guys with no sense of creativity:
I will admit, I got tired of the constant travel pics and half-naked gym bro poses, but at the same time, this guy’s “unique” pic caught me off guard 🪒 …
Who thinks mid-shave, “what a perfect opportunity for a selfie?”
Speaking of “out of the box”, this dude hit it out of the park—like what?!
I saw this dude and was like NOPE. This is straight up animal abuse and exploitation of endangered animals. STEER CLEAR.
And for the *GRAND* finale, we’ve got ourselves a classic creep!
Obviously I had no interest in his creepy request, and reported him immediately. Actually, this goes back to my point of intention that I made in my post about making friends—don’t lose track of what your goals are, and don’t lead someone on. In this case, if this guy wanted to “just do some sexting” all along, why did he waste my time pretending to care about how I spent my weekend? Etiquette guys, etiquette.
————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-
My heart goes out to anyone who has felt frustrated and hopeless by the world of dating. It really is a mixed bag out there, but having the right attitude goes a long way…sometimes, it may even make your search last shorter than expected 😉. And don’t forget to step back and have a good laugh—a good laugh at us crazy humans doing crazy things trying to impress one another in the name of love 😂.
Today’s world is beyond bonkers. If you don’t agree with me, can I join you under that rock 😅?
I’m one of those people who believes social media since Facebook has done more harm than good, and I pine for the days of Yahoo Messenger and (maybe, a little bit of) Xanga.
We would have definitely been friends in middle school, circa 2004, if you had a Xanga—chatterbox and embedded music, anyone?
The platforms we recognize as social media today I’m sure had humble origins, meant for people to use to keep in touch with friends, schoolmates, family, etc., but the realm as we know it has ballooned into a monster of competition, jealousy, money, and desperation. TikTok (of the Western world) is literally a poor man’s lecture series—short videos of people intimately facing the camera, sharing more beliefs than facts, constantly trying to reel in naïve viewers with shock value. Of course, we still have righteous individuals bravely trying to take space and fix the wrongdoings of others (scientific communicators on the platform, for example), but boy, the crazy ones still outnumber us!
Social media has made it easier to ensure we all know that everyone has an opinion. The question is, are opinions inherently “bad”?
————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-
If you keep Google’s response in mind, I don’t think so:
In fact, they can be enlightening about someone’s life experiences, and can allow us to understand why they have those perspectives.
Take for example, my opinion on social media. Why do I think it does more harm than good?
As a scientist, I’ve seen the rampant spread of false information regarding scientific topics. The safety and efficacy of vaccines is a prime example of a topic where misinformation has spread like wildfire. It’s been infuriating for me to see the effect this has had on our world during the pandemic.
As a creator, the puppeteering algorithims of Instagram have been anything but helpful towards me. Along with being a scientist, I am a writer, and when I was first carving out my space on Instagram, I was having a tough time growing. I didn’t fit a “visual” niche. Writing is an art form that requires patience of the creator and reading the material that comes out of writing, requests patience of the consumer. Instagram, and other social media platforms, laud eye-catching pictures and short videos with shock value. It celebrates itself as an “entertainment” platform, but excuse me…
When did reading something not become entertainment?
I would imagine that celebrities, businesses, and “successful influencers” (that word makes me want to laugh and vomit at the same time…as if the number of followers you have dictates true influence?) would have a different opinion from mine, most likely because their experiences with social media has benefited them.
Same could be said for people who have personal accounts to keep in contact with friends and passively consume content. There is no “competition” on your end when you have the power to choose from what has been created for you.
————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-
Along with my strong opinions about social media, I have strong opinions about other topics too. I know I will have people ready to high-five me, or people ready to whip out a list of arguments telling my why I’m wrong, but in either case, I welcome both.
“Go back to America then,” I’ve been told aggressively.
But the thing is, these opinions were formed based on the experiences I’ve had. And the magical thing about opinions is, is that they can change too.
There are expats who’ve had an opposite experience from mine—welcomed with open arms, minor struggles they were able to laugh off, a more understanding support circle to help with the transition—who would probably offer a more positive opinion on living abroad in Italy.
All of our opinions are valid, because they are the result of rich and exciting life stories.
So when it comes to listening and sharing opinions, I think being reminded of the following helps with maintaining healthy discussions:
Opinions are the introduction to someone’s story, having the patience to dig deeper could perhaps foster a strong sense of empathy and trust.
Trying to “prove someone wrong” by telling them they are wrong will make them more staunch in their opinion. It’s always better to be the person who takes the high road and leads by example. A petty argument is never worth it.
Dangerous topics can lead to hurtful opinions. It takes a strong person to sit through words that may be triggering, but these hurtful opinions reveal a lot more about the person who harbors them. Choosing to drop the conversation is just as valid as choosing to forgive. This is a situation that definitely calls on us to remember that opinions can stem from painful experiences, and that we shouldn’t be quick to judge the person, but rather, understand why they have come to form those opinions.
In my opinion, opinions are OK for healthy discourse. We just have to be mindful of our reactiveness to them.
Besides having a mini emotional breakdown at the end of January (being uncertain about the start of my business trip given the Omicron scare and waiting on the Italian consulate to process critical documentation to begin my EU Blue Card application were my triggers), I’ve felt relatively calm ever since, and I’ve welcomed it with an embrace of a mother who just saw her grown kids after 10 years 😅.
I know that I would have never found my current position in industry if it had not been for academia driving me out of toxic working conditions, but I do wonder what would have happened if I had joined my current company back in June 2020, rather than pursuing a post-doc, if everything I have been provided with so far was provided to me back then 🤔. I am almost certain Italy would have tasted sweeter.
Maybe as sweet as this donut I had the other day? I know, not Italian, but when it comes to breakfast, my cravings are all-American.
I definitely would have been over the moon about the Italian course they are willing to cover.Right now, I feel like I have to force myself to get motivated.
Despite the harsh reality I ended up having to face, I am forever grateful for the current calmness of 2022, and the calmness of my return to Milan especially. I mentioned in the linked post that I face doubts about what my current “passions” are, and if I will find success and happiness if I continue to pursue them, but I must also acknowledge that the new work-life balance I’ve found has allowed me to figure this out, day by day.
With running, I am finding my mental and physical stamina again. In the weeks leading up to my departure to Milan, I was running 9-10 miles for long runs on Sunday mornings. It was easy to zone out, get lost in my Spotify playlists, and enjoy the long Texas roads, stumbling across the occasional longhorn and galloping baby calves 😍.
Spotted after a night run in Milan
While in Italy this month, I crushed my long run goals, going back to running distances that once came second nature to me. 11, 12, 13 mile long runs didn’t feel so intimidating this time around. I ran the hills of Como during these long runs, and I didn’t stop in a work anxiety-induced paralysis, which often prevented me from going the distance last year…
I feel good with my runs so far, even though I’m still off with my goal pace. But based on past experience, I know that increasing my weekly mileage will help. I’m trying to get back to where I was in 2017, where I was running 40-50 miles a week, in peak marathon training shape (pace-wise), and had built great comradery with my marathon training group as a plus. Running with people is a painkiller for me, it feels amazing to run with others, but finding a solid group of people to train with in Italy has been an impossible task. Especially due to the pandemic...
I have a half marathon in Texas scheduled in early April, and my hope while I am at home again for the next four weeks is to incorporate double runs (running in the morning and evening of the same day) again, to hit a higher weekly mileage. In Italy, it seems as though I’m better off finding people who smoke more than participate in cardiovascular exercise, frankly speaking, but we’ll see what happens as the months progress. While in Texas, it shouldn’t be too hard to stop by a Fleet Feet for a weeknight or weekend morning run with a group of like-minded runners 😀.
With writing, I go through moments of impassioned writing bursts, or days of procrastination. I think all writers can relate. Last year, I decided to stop writing short-forms on IG because it is a platform that doesn’t appreciate that kind of work. So now, my writing has become a private endeavor in the short-term, and this tests my patience immensely.
Coffee shop working and writing has always been a hobby of mine. It’s not a usual thing to do in Italy though…
I’ve chosen to keep the details of my writing projects private for now, but my close friends are writers themselves, and it’s been nice being able to bounce ideas off of them now and then. When I was back home, it was easier to write after work, and after an evening run. While in Italy, finding motivation to write in the evenings has been difficult, but I’m trying not to force myself if I don’t feel like it. I’m hoping for more days where I can bust out work in less than an hour due to passion (lol), like a post I wrote regarding Women’s Day. But even if those days are rare for now, I’m trying to use this time to figure out what works best for me when it comes to creating a “writing routine”.
Last week, I was successful in devoting 30 minutes to one of my projects every day, no matter what. Even if some of those sessions were not extremely productive, the minutes I had my doc open helped me in some form with the process as a whole. I’m hoping to continue meeting these “mini goals” because it’s better than not doing anything at all!
With my career, it’s something I’ve said a number of times but still holds true—leaving academia meant getting my mental health back. There is no doubt that me talking about running and writing here is because now I have the time to invest in them again.
I was also able to work remotely 2x a week while I was in Italy! It made long walks or lunchtime breaks outdoors so easy to fit in, and it definitely made me happy…
My job so far has been so perfect in terms of work-life balance, but even within the role, there have been discussions on what I can be involved with in the near future. Like, pipeline stuff. In the industry, this refers to a series of projects the company is working on or plans to work on. Some of the items proposed to me sound really exciting, and sound like they would utilize my skillset. Makes me feel important 😌
With life abroad, I still don’t know if I desire anything new. I had really high hopes during my first Italy stint, but learning the language is something that no longer excites me. Still, I will give it my best shot with the classes my company is offering me, it’s the least I can do, but if I had to choose between becoming an elite runner overnight or waking up speaking fluent Italian? I’d go with elite runner, hands down.
Do I want to travel? Sure, but only if the travel is spent with people I want to be with. I still haven’t been south of Florence when it comes to Italy. I’m saving places like Rome and Naples for when people I love can join me on those adventures. In the near-term, I don’t expect my family or close friends to be able to afford to see me in Italy, and so I have no complaints about going to see them where they are. My friend in Germany recently invited me to join her in Turkey for a few days during the summer to attend a wedding. I’d love to join her for that, only so I can spend quality time with her. I’ve heard Turkey is beautiful, but I don’t have the desire to go by myself at the moment. Such a stark difference from my solo travel days…
————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-
It’s nice to be able to reflect on these past few weeks and be happy with them. I can only hope that things continue to go well and develop to my liking, but like I mentioned in a post from a few weeks ago, I’m attempting to adopt a “cruise control” attitude for all of these things. I know now that I can experience calmness for a long period, and that makes me feel so good.
And it only further drives home the point that our environment is so powerful, so do whatever you can to put yourself in a place that gives you the best possible.
My mom had full control of my fashion choices until I was 16 years old. Understandably so, since as a kid, you are financially dependent on your parents.
If your parents are comfortable with the offerings of JCPenney, Target, and Wal-Mart, you oblige…especially since the next unarguable option would be a potato sack (perhaps in my desi girl case, a basmati rice sack 😅).
I have to be fair and say my mom did have good taste in kid’s clothing. Every morning before school, my ritual was as follows: get out of bed, wash up, and grab the clothes mom picked out for me off the staircase railing.
I also didn’t care for fashion in elementary school. Shorts and a tee purchased from the attraction of our last family vacation were comfy to throw on in the summer. Cute character sweaters (such as those with a Powerpuff Girls or Disney princesses applique) paired with velour pants were perfect for chilly NorCal winters. And to think there was a time I could care less about these things? Oh, the innocence of youth…
From about 7-10 years old, I pretty much wore these cute 2000s style overalls all summer long ☀
I became more aware and self-conscious about my fashion once the beautiful (🙄) days of middle school came along. It was when I began to notice big, bold brands plastered across the chests of my enlightened peers.
Hollister. Abercrombie. Aeropostale. American Eagle. Roca Wear. Baby Phat. “Surfer” brands from PacSun. Just to name a few and reveal my age 😅.
I also began to notice the jean pocket trademarks of said brands. Hollister had this waterfall arch-looking design. Abercrombie’s looked like a compressed candy wrapper. And it seemed like every girl except me was wearing something from these brands everyday.
Once in a while, Mom would find “cool brand” tops on discount at Ross or Marshall’s, and I’d be “allowed” to wear that. Exhibit A, this O’Neill shirt that was a dark brown color I didn’t prefer against my already dark skin, but still had “O’Neill” on it so at least it upped my outfit “coolness” by 1%?
As much as I desired to get my parents to take me to Abercrombie to refresh my wardrobe and save me from my middle school “dweeb” fate, I knew entering the store would be a hurdle in itself. Having half- naked models plastered all over the storefront would definitely deter most parents of middle-school aged children from going inside with their kids 🤷🏽♀️
So I waited it out, and by the time I was 16, I had done my research. I signed up for an eBay account, counted up my saved birthday/Christmas money up until that point, and stalked designer jeans forums for good deals on “higher end staple pieces”. I told my mom I wanted to take control of my closet from that point on, and while it was a battle at first, I eventually won.
In my senior year of high school, I only owned jeans from brands I liked—American Eagle, Aeropostale, Hollister, and I successfully added two pairs of True Religion jeans to my closet, one of which I bought for $30 new with tags when they ran at that time from $80-90 retail on most occasions. I was ecstatic.
Me on the evening post-high school graduation in a Hollister polo I bought off eBay. By the end of senior year, I was proud of the fact I was able to score some coveted Hollister and Abercrombie tops off of eBay with my “trade-in” earnings. At first, the items were second-hand, and then I was able to find new with tag (NWT) deals for less than retail price!
I slowly incorporated pieces I liked with the money I had, and was able to sell some non-JCPenney pieces (lol) on eBay to keep my “account for clothes” rolling. It was then, at that age, I decided on a golden rule for my clothing purchases I follow to this day:
“One in, one out”
I realized that I didn’t need to have 20 pairs of jeans or 10 Hollister sweatshirts (although back then, I probably would have loved that!). I began to track all the pieces of clothing I had in an Excel sheet, and eBay was always my go-to when I was ready to sell something, or pick up a second-hand Hollister item for cheap, and so as to avoid entering the storefront of half-naked white people with my parents 😬.
When I did get to college though, I was able to rake in some spending money of my own that allowed me to not just rely on profits I made from reselling clothing. I was able to find part-time work during summers, at school, and during my gap year before starting graduate school. My stint at a J. Crew Outlet for a couple months and Kate Spade for the summer before grad school blessed me with some major discounts—like, here are two “free” Kate Spade dresses for onboarding 🙀.
The two Kate Spade dresses I got for “free”. I had a fun run with them, but I sold them for a good deal later to revamp my wardrobe ♻
Once I got to grad school, my income was steady enough that I didn’t have to rely on reselling all of my clothes when I was ready to shift my wardrobe around. I was able to donate good-quality clothing and replace it with such, again, keeping in mind of my “one in, one out” rule.
I feel like this “rule” has helped me be mindful of my spending, as well as practice that concept of “sustainability” that major clothing companies are talking about only now 🙄. I guess it’s why I don’t understand the Italian idea of “cambio di stagione”, the idea of switching out one’s entire summer wardrobe for winter and vice versa as the seasons change. My mind would go crazy keeping track of all that clothing, and if you think about it, most of us only really cycle through a small portion of our closet consistently.
Do you really need five winter jackets? Or 20 stilettoes?
During the height of the pandemic, I wasn’t too concerned about my closet since I was moving abroad, working in a lab where fashion was extremely casual (i.e. no one cares), and didn’t really have the desire to change my wardrobe. When I was offered a more “professional” job in late 2021, I realized that I’d need to swap out some leggings for dress pants, and casual tees wouldn’t cut it anymore…and since I had to return to the US for January, I decided it would be the perfect time to put on my “seller’s cap” once more.
I got a head start with taking pictures of clothes I planned to sell as I was packing up in Italy. Once I flew back to the US, I did the following:
1) I listed on my tried and true eBay and a new-to-me platform called Mercari. Surprisingly made some sales for higher than expected on the latter!
2) I sold most of my clothes at consignment stores that buy directly from the customer immediately, like Plato’s Closet, Uptown Cheapskate, Buffalo Exchange, and Style Encore. Lucky for me, Houston and Austin has a lot of franchises of these brands. The pay-out is much lower than you’d think, but it’s a quick way to change out your clothes if that’s the goal.
3) Before I head back to Italy, I plan to send leftover items to ThredUp, an online consigner that allows you to mail in bulk. I don’t expect a high pay-out from them either, but at least I know the clothing I send in will have a second life, either resold or sustainably donated.
In my experience, I’ve found it very difficult to resell clothes in Italy. I’ve tried eBay and their version of Mercari, Vinted, but I never got bites on my listings, at least to the extent I get in the US. It’s either buy high-end Gucci Gucci Gucci, or buy really low at street markets…not a fan of either, since one is overpriced and the other is fast fashion, but in reality, the responsibility to be sustainable is on us.
I look at my closet a lot more differently ever since learning about Chile’s clothing desert, and I think all of us should. Even when it comes to donation, I try to make sure whatever I donate goes to a reputable source where the clothing will be reworn or sent to a facility for textile recycling.
Just because a piece of clothing disappears from your closet, doesn’t mean it’s disappearedinto thin air…
If you’ve been following me for a while on social media, then you know I’m not the kind of person to shy away from the truth.
At the same time, my truth can change depending on the season I’m experiencing in life…and if you’ve been following my journey this past year, then you can safely assume it’s been quite a challenging season for me in Italy…
What started as an exciting, new adventure that happened to coincide with my budding career in academia soon turned into a whirlwind existential crisis. Suffering through a second wave of COVID lockdowns, struggling with a new work environment, and experiencing disappointment with my attempts at cultural assimilation led me to come head-to-head with my depression again.
And the biggest trigger was my current job, which ironically was what allowed me to come to Italy in the first place.
Winter 2020 was when I first began to feel academia would never be the place for me. I thought that the fellowship opportunity I was provided with in Italy would reignite a spark for academic research—that a successful stint in Italy would perhaps push me to pursue a tenured professorship position soon after.
In my situation, the complete opposite happened. I realized that the things I wanted to prioritize for my life and career—financial security, work/life balance, benefits—were better achieved within industry. These things could be achieved in academia, but given that the current number of post-docs significantly outnumbers available faculty positions, it would take a helluva lot more work (and luck!) to get to a place of security in academia.
Despite the ups and downs of the job hunt I fell into this year, I managed to find a unique, career-boosting opportunity that was exactly in line with my newfound career goals. It’s been a slow but interesting process to undergo, and to see it firmly taking shape in recent weeks has been such a relief.
Found a nice spot to run to in the north part of Milan—staircase to some great sunrise views!
So, what does this all mean for me and Italy?
I’m joining a pharmaceutical company in a scientific communications role! When I stumbled upon this opportunity, I was absolutely thrilled. The timing happened to work out well with the company’s needs and what I was looking for. Best of all, the job description seemed to tick off all the boxes for items that would make me competitive for a similar role in industry (medical science liaison; MSL) in the future, as I further my career…
Obviously this opportunity will allow me to continue to stay in Italy for now, but…I’ve realized thatItaly is not long-term for me. As a US citizen with a biology doctorate, I know that financially, I am better off returning to the US after gaining industry experience—especially if I am to pursue a medical affairs career that has the potential to develop into an executive role. They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy security. Safety. A comfortable retirement. The freedom to pursue other passions while not feeling pressured to rely on them for income…
Milan, looking from North to South
This overall experience has helped me to firmly organize my priorities. I want to grow in my career. Get back to serious training with my running. Pursue writing projects I hope to develop into something big and invigorating…
Living abroad for a substantial period of time has also made me feel a new appreciation for home and my family.
Since I know Italy isn’t long-term, this also means a shift in my priorities. I’m not too hung up on learning Italian, at least as much as I was when I first moved to Italy. Establishing this in my mind takes a huge amount of pressure off—especially in regards to no longer taking offense by people who switch to English and prevent me from practicing Italian in the first place 😂!
————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-
Going into the new year, I’m excited to work remotely for a few weeks in the US before returning to Italy. We’ll (my new company and I) be working towards an EU Blue Card as my new visa, so that will be an interesting experience to go through and document 😅.
Even though my priorities and future outlook have metamorphosed in regards to Italy and I, I am truly excited for my new career venture. And let me just say—compared to academia, my overall compensation package is 🤩. Being able to carry out a job with skills you’re passionate about, while getting appropriately compensated for it, is every career-oriented millennial’s dream, that’s for sure!
Alright 2022, let’s get going! I’m ready to make moves in my career, and let the ripple effect flow into other aspects of my life!😉
