Moving to Italy a little over two years ago has changed me as a person, immensely. It’s brought out sides of me I never knew needed to be unleashed, but they had reason to:
“Tough Boss Pree“, who has no trouble throwing around the “f word” (to my Dad’s dismay, lol), was someone I had to embrace in order to feel some sort of control in a foreign land I otherwise had no voice in.
“Vulnerable Pree” is someone I can’t help but want to give a big bear hug to. Learning and practicing to love unconditionally (self and others) truly is a skill that needs to be nurtured and taken care of. It’s frightening because it’s like exposing your soul, but it is something everyone should find the courage to do because the payoff can be beautiful.
“Extrovert in an Introvert’s Body Pree” is someone I’m proud to have discovered here. I’ve taken initiative so many times in the name of trying to establish connections and friendships. Professionally, I have no problem (in English) effectively communicating. Ha, there’s a reason “communication” is in my job title! It’s definitely daunting to put feelers out all the time and not have every attempt be successful—for every 20 girls I’ve met in Italy, I only happen to meet two on a “frequent” basis, and even that takes work!
These three personas of mine existed before Italy, but now I feel like they are pretty much what characterize my identity at this point.
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Even though I’ve done the solo travel bit and I’m no longer a fan, I decided to head down to the South of Italy for a change of scenery while remote working. I planned the trip two weeks in advance, and found a good plane ticket deal along with a place to stay (a room plus private bathroom) that was also reasonable in price (87 euros for 3 nights…not bad!).
When I told people of my plans, alot were curious as to why Cagliari? Why the capital city of Sardegna in the month of October? Why were you not like everyone else spending three weeks roasting like a chicken on the shores of Poetto Beach in August?
Because I’m Pree, and I do things my way—that’s essentially what solo travel is at the root of it.
The bathroom Stay in Cagliari
Thursday was a travel day in the morning, and both Thursday and Friday were remote working days. Friday morning, I was able to venture out for a morning run with views by the water.
I went out to the city center for lunch, dinner, and ice cream (lol) but was overwhelmed/tired by work during the day, so I retreated back to my lodging to rest up early both nights.
Walking in the city centerWhere a bunch of restaurants areColorful buildingsViews at night
I was also feeling a bit down about being alone, and the thought of planning things for the next day seemed daunting… still, I made a list of things to distract myself with, including figuring out where to eat. Even though I’ve had a troubled past with food, it’s often been my default item to go to for comfort—seeking out a cool restaurant with unique vegetarian or vegan-friendly options. Delicious desserts. Writing about it after…
Calories have always been my tried-and-true companions…
I did however *try* to find an alternate distraction via a walking tour. Ultimately I’m glad I did, because the vibe of my trip turned around when I met a new friend on said walking tour.
On Saturday, I slept in a bit and then took the bus down to get breakfast (Bus No. 8 and I got very familiar with eachother over the few days I was in Cagliari, lol). Even though I ran a 6 miler the day before, my body craved “slow” cardio so I skipped my normal morning run. I did however plan to attend a walking tour, secretly hoping I’d meet a new pal to help me distract myself more in Cagliari.
Before making my way to the tour’s meeting point, I stopped at Necropoli di Tuvixeddu , a park of ancient tombs. It was quite underwhelming on a Saturday morning, but nevertheless I tried to snap a couple pics:
I eventually made my way to the walking tour meeting point, atop a hill in Old Town Cagliari. My tour guide was a local, and I was soon joined by an elderly white couple on a cruise layover (lol typical!).
Thankfully for me though, I ended up meeting another girl solo traveling, from Milan! We got to talking and she actually works close to where I live. My goal was now to confirm plans with her for the rest of the day, rather than pay attention to the tour 😂! I was determined to redeem myself from the ennui that was building up from the trip thus far by making a new friend.
We got to go into a university library and look at some REALLY vintage booksThe book covers…Vintage, for real
By the end of the tour, the both of us ended up getting lunch at one of the most famous bistros in Cagliari (Libarum Nostrum) but they callously placed us out in the direct sunlight. I also didn’t want to pay too much for lunch, so I got a plate of spaghetti which… actually wasn’t that bad?
FrontView of city from the bistroThey called it spaghettO
We were both pretty tired after lunch, so we agreed to retreat back to our respective Airbnbs, charge our electronics, and meet up at Poetto Beach in a few hours. I headed out at 5:30pm, and took the bus down to the center as usual. However, the next bus was bit confusing to figure out.
I eventually figured out where the bus stop was (after pushing myself through a group of crazy kids!) and headed down to Poetto. It was a beautiful drive with the sun setting, but that was it…the sun was setting!
Silly me packed a towel thinking we’d be able to sit out on the sand and enjoy the waves. By the time I got down, it was already twilight.
Poetto Beach at Sunset
It was still gorgeous though.
My new friend eventually came down and we both realized our beach plans no longer made sense 🤦♀️. We instead walked for a bit, and then found the closest bus stop to get back to the center.
I could have made it a priority to make it to the beach “on-time”, but I was content spending the cool-weathered evening walking with a friend vs. hours of alone time on the beach during the day…
For dinner, we thought back to what our walking tour guide recommended and remembered Taccas because of the Sardinian specialty they offered—deep fried pecorino cheese topped with honey. We were sold.
The city center is always packed in the evenings, but we got food within a decent time frame and were able to head back to our respective Airbnbs around 10pm via bus (seriously, you don’t need a car for Cagliari—you can survive with handy-dandy bus numbah 8 😂!).
I left for Milan the next morning, and got back in the early afternoon. I didn’t expect to find another solo traveler on my walking tour, especially since my previous solo trips did not prove successful in the arena of friendship (lol), but low expectations met with pleasant surprises helped turned this trip around.
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This trip was also planned on a whim, to serve as a distraction from life events that left me raw in early October. Ultimately what made this trip “redeemable” was hanging out with another person. It’s crazy how “extroverted” I’ve become in recent months, and I still am not sure if it is a natural transition, or a mechanism my brain has adopted to avoid feeling alone and lonely…
…because being an expat is lonely. And definitely scary. I’ve learned you can’t put all your “eggs in one basket” so to speak, and while planning does help my (still) type-A personality, anxiety does set in that I just can’t shake away—especially if I find myself in an isolated moment in a foreign land that does everything in its power to not make me feel at home.
I still encourage everyone to experience solo travel in their lives. Being alone shouldn’t be scary, but I have spent a lot of my life doing things alone. It’s now become something I dread thinking about, but sometimes it is more convenient to just get out, go, and get it done.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone or alone time, I’m just at a point in my life where more of it terrifies me. The thought of choosing to be alone and not have anyone care or think about you, or want to be with you…I think that is what has made it feel so crippling to me as I’ve gotten older.
Nowadays, the warmth and presence of other souls restores my energy, as much as being alone used to do for me…
Cagliari was nice, but I know I am happiest every time I’m visiting my Dad in suburb Texas. My sister in good ol’ Austin. My bestie in Vegas. Falling asleep on the couch with a special someone while Netflix is playing for hours all weekend.
I’d rather my life be full of people over places. Anything to avoid the heart-wrenching pull of being alone.
A few weekends ago, I had the opportunity to join eight other expat girls on a hike in Mandello del Lario, a town I had no idea existed since it was my first time going past Lecco, a major city on the other side of Lake Como.
Ticket à la Trenord
I am no expert in sports, except running. I guess I could also throw tennis in there since it was a large part of my high school years, but don’t ask me about anything else, haha!
When it comes to hiking, I’ve always enjoyed the thought of it. Unfortunately, it’s only stayed as a thought because my close circle of friends and family aren’t exactly outdoor types. While they do enjoy the occasional walk for “fresh air”, I’m sure they would have been ANGRY with me if they had joined me on this particular hike…
Sliding down in mud, steep “rock climbing”, gripping onto chains for dear life, almost falling into rapid-flowing streams…
I was a bit nervous too at first, but by the end of the day, I felt like a total bad-a**, frankly speaking!
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The day started at a “decent” hour in the morning. I personally would not have minded if we left at the crack of dawn, but I don’t expect Italians to favor that request—even if they are expats!
Most of the girls caught the train from Milano Centrale, but since I recently moved to Monza, I was able to save an extra 15 minutes in travel (well, sitting in anticipation on the train…I still had to walk over from my apartment 😅).
I met a girl who was originally from Peru at Monza Station who was also joining the hike. We had a nice chat about our life experiences in Italy and she casually mentioned she did part of this hike before with her CHOW CHOW DOG (I was literally squealing with excitement).
The train ride was about 20 minutes (time flies by when you’re talking up a storm!) and we met the other seven girls when we got off. There were some awkward silences here and there as we all tried to figure out how to get to the trails, but someone mentioned coffee and that helped break the ice!
We found a small café and got ourselves together. One of the girls (who is Italian) spoke with a local and figured out exactly where to go. That helped.
Trail start: we went on the “del fiume” path
It took us about 20 minutes to get to the trail start—and off we went! We officially “clocked in” at around 10:45/11:00. I’m actually not sure of the exact time because I was already in deep conversation with the Italian (working as a post-doc) and a master’s student from Dubai about the toxicity of academia 😅. Oh the things that bond humanity!
Starting off the hike
The first two hours or so felt like a walk in nature. There were some steep parts, but nothing one would call difficult. I had enough energy to keep conversations going, and snap pics along the way—including one of this local:
Donkey pal!
We stopped for “lunch”/a break when we got to the first main waterfall (which some of the girl’s cutely referred to as “cascade”). I brought a simple, ready-to-eat deli sandwich, yogurt, and chips—not my first choice, but your options for ready-meals suitable for hiking are limited for a vegetarian in Italy!
Group pic at the first “cascade”
We definitely needed the rest because the next segment of the hike would require ALL of our energy (and bravery)! One of the hardest parts of the hike had us literally rock climbing. There was a chain strewn across a row of boulders, and we had to hold onto it for dear life while climbing sideways à la Spiderman.
It took us a bit longer to get past this, even more steep climbs, and rocky, narrow paths (I lost my water bottle at this point which I had filled with fresh water from the cascade! Darn!), but we waited for everyone to finish before moving onto our real rest spot.
Steep climbs!
No one was getting left behind.
At this point, we all settled in in the grass. Some girls had their “real” lunches while others napped. I tried not to be annoying while crunching on the rest of my BBQ chips!
Views from the “real” rest stopSo “Heidi”-like
We stayed for a full hour, and then decided to head back to avoid getting back too late/past sunset. The hike back was more on the annoying side, only because we were all starting to fall from our endorphin high and knew it would take us at least two hours to get back, even on the “easy, shortcut” paths. I had brought old running shoes for the hike, and had to be very careful since the tread had mostly worn down and I found myself slipping in some areas…
I also found myself a lot more quiet on this leg of the hike. I was hyperfocused on not falling, while also consumed in my own thoughts while some of the girls who still had energy chatted around me.
Views on level land: can’t leave without seeing a cat!Spot the doggo
When we got back into the city of MdL, it felt nice to walk on flat roads again. Some of the girls were in awe when I told them I was doing a long run the next day (had to fit it in before a half marathon the following week…), and to be honest, my legs were totally fine! My arms were the ones feeling all the DOMS the next day…
Cool shot from the hike 😁
We took the train back after 6pm, and I got back home a little before 7.
The train station 😅
I was able to get off in Monza and avoid the Saturday night craziness of Milan. Needless to say, the physical activity of the day left me a good kind of tired and I slept well that night.
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MdL was a great day experience, but I honestly don’t know when and if I’ll be going on another similar hike anytime soon with “winter” approaching (quotes because ya’ll…I’m still wearing shorts in October…I see Italians bundled up already like we’re in the North Pole but I think it’s out of habit vs. necessity!). Eventually, it would be nice to hike the Dolomites, but I’m also not in a rush.
It kind of looked like the Dolomites anyways…
The next couple weeks will be insanely busy, so it was nice that I was able to take a break early on and finally enjoy what (Italy’s) nature has to offer.
It’s been five months since I pulled the plug on @secondgendesi on Instagram.
I have a post explaining why here, but now that my bestie Christina and I are diving into the “pertinent” topics of today’s late 20s/30-something millennial on our new podcast Pour the Coffee, I thought it would be an interesting topic to cover through audio [click here to listen][listen on Spotify]!
https://anchor.fm/pour-the-coffee
Our “episode 2” covers exactly what the title of this blog post says, “It’s Okay to Not Be on Social Media“, and it is a *solo* episode featuring moi since Chrizz still has socials (lol!).
I actually recorded this episode several weeks before Pour the Coffee materialized. I had this sudden urge to talk about the topic in a free-flowing way:
“If you ask Pree for her social media handles, she’ll have nothing to offer you except the URL of her blog. In this solo episode, Pree talks about why she left a platform millions of people use for the sake of her mental health. She’ll go over…
[x] Her journey with the internet/blogging
[x] Her beginnings with Instagram as a food blogger
[x] Creating a new blog and Instagram in the early 2020s
[x] The red flags of the platform and toxic traits of “influencers” and niche accounts
[x] Why getting off social media altogether was the best for her mental health”
For those that want a written recap, I started writing about how I felt as soon as one week off the platform. Now with this blog post, it seems like an appropriate time to share!
How do I feel about leaving social media (i.e Instagram)?
Despite moments where I do feel isolated, I’m overall very proud of myself for leaving such a toxic environment. I think the biggest thing I gained was releasing unnecessary pressure of “following” people I didn’t want to follow. Despite so-called self-help “gurus” embracing the selfish notion of “look out for yourself” and “declutter your feed for your mental health”, I’m the kind of person who will always think about the other person affected.
When I had SGD on IG, it always put me in a funk whenever I saw someone I thought I had good rapport with (as much as one could have virtually) unfollow me. Towards the end of my IG stint, I even directly DM’d people asking why.
Yeah, I went there. Because it did bother me.
What is there to do with this newfound free time?
Lately, focusing on my job. Focusing on the next steps for the job I eventually want to land. Trying to enjoy things without worrying about others think…
…but it’s hard. Especially, when everyone around you is connected to social media in some form.
As much as I try to push people to go back to reading blogs (mine included!) and check in on my WhatsApp status if they’re *that* curious to know what’s up with me, it still hurts me to know people are okay with living life so attached to their phones.
Some days it’s easier to focus on creative projects, other days I just want to curl up and watch TV all day. Even if there is newfound free time because I ditched one unproductive source of consumption, it doesn’t mean I can be 100% productive with that newfound free time, and that’s okay.
Will I ever go back?
It will definitely depend on the purpose. Perhaps if my writing projects get anywhere and social media can help boost exposure, it would make sense at that point.
If I figure out a new niche or find something passionate about that I am motivated about growing, maybe…
But for now, I’m not compelled to “start over” and mutually follow people I don’t want to follow.
Nothing on that platform makes sense anymore. Pictures of frozen potatoes get more likes than fancy cappuccinos. Carousel posts with spelling mistakes somehow have hundreds of comments yet posts I made for a science education account rank low when it comes to engagement…
Instagram is a useful tool if you’ve got something to sell or promote, and it’s decent entertainment (I guess…) if you’re a passive consumer who doesn’t care much about “creating”. But becoming an “IG sensation” is not as easy as it was 10 years ago. The platform is heavily saturated, the algorithm is wonky, and it really does more harm than good to someone with earnest, but naïve intentions.
If you need some verbal company and want to hear my perspective on why I left social media, please give episode 2 of Pour the Coffee a listen! Let me know what you think in the comments!
Are you off social media/Instagram?
Have you thought about leaving? What makes you hesitate?
It all started a couple months ago when I was visiting my bestie Christina in Vegas.
We were staring at our respective laptops, sighing with frustration. I was venting about life in Italy and its difficulties, wondering why life’s twists and turns led me to a confusing place. Christina was lamenting about not yet meeting the “requirements” society has set for late twenty-somethings.
Then she said something that flicked a switch, “What if we started a podcast?”
It was something I found intriguing, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to commit to a new project. I was still struggling with whether or not I wanted to leave social media, and I was concerned that if I took on another creative project, I would neglect my writing projects (which, to be honest, has its ebb and flow).
I quit my IG May 2022. Months went by, and in late summer 2022, I felt like I needed a “creative reset”. I got back to Christina and asked, “you really want to do this?”
And now, here we are, ready to present to you, Pour the Coffee!
Here’s our lil description about the podcast:
Chrizz and Pree are highly-accomplished millennials near thirty, but like most of their peers, they’re starting to realize the world doesn’t offer a money-back guarantee. Rather than vent to each other, they figure others probably feel the same way, but are too shy to tell it like it is. Pour the Coffee is a podcast for anyone who appreciates open-minded conversations, fresh perspectives, and unfiltered opinions led by two vibrant hosts who happen to be besties for 20+ years and counting!
If you like conversation-style, discussion/opinion-sharing podcasts, definitely add us to your line-up! I know some of ya’ll still commute or feel a bit lonely on remote working days. Let Christina and I give you company with our unfiltered banter and genuine conversation!
We also plan to bring on guests in the future, so if you give us a listen and feel like you’d have fun speaking about a topic with us and sharing your unique thoughts and experiences in a space that won’t judge—by all means, reach out to us ( pourthecoffeepodcast@gmail.com)! Chrizz is managing our socials (casually, lol) and we are just getting started, but we are so excited about this project and hope you’ll come along for the ride 😘!
