⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆
Lake Pusiano, Italy

30

Reading Time: 7 minutes

Wow, I’m 30.

When it comes to “landmark birthdays”, I am the worst at planning them properly. Things are so much easier as a kid when your parents throw you a party every year at the local you-name-it and you get to invite a couple of classmates to join in for pizza and oh-so-decadent Wal-Mart bakery cake (with my expat experience, I have nothing but the utmost respect for this fine delicacy).

My favorite string of birthdays was 11-14, when we made our way to the local water parks for a day of splish-splash fun. The perks of being a summer baby—what happened to that love for water of mine?

Ahhh, summer 2006. Not my finest year in body confidence and adolescence, but the 2000s era is one of forever-nostalgia and holds a special place in my heart.

Once I moved out for grad school, birthday planning was all on me. Even though I moved out at 22, I still had my Dad or sister show up to help me celebrate prior to my turning a quarter of a century years old.  My first birthday “on-my-own” was 25, and I “celebrated” it food blogger style—a restaurant in LA invited me and a guest for a free meal, and I took my lab bestie lol.

For my 26th, I moved out to Anaheim with my sis and our bestie-since-childhood came over for the weekend from Vegas. My 27th was the last before moving to Italy, and I “celebrated” with a lonely, underwhelming solo trip to Sweden.

My 28th and 29th were celebrated away from home and the loved ones I knew for all my life, but I still had a special someone to celebrate with. A low-key hike in Swiss Italy and an afternoon at an Italian zoo were still special days.

For my 30th, my boyfriend treated me to a photo session by Lake Pusiano. It all started when I shared the Zimmerman dresses I spotted at the Wynn during my June trip to Vegas. He simply messaged me, “if you find a knock-off, it’ll go perfect with my plan”.

To which I replied, 🤔.

His plan was for me to wear a similar dress + get “made up” + take professional pics not too far from Lecco.

I wasn’t able to thrift the dress unfortunately due to time constraints, but it was cute imo!

Stumbled upon this at the mall. Unfortunately couldn’t thrift but it worked perfectly with the “plan”

The Sunday evening before my birthday, we drove to a small town near Lecco where the make-up artist lives and she got me ready. After about an hour in the chair, the three of us drove out to the lake for pics (my BF broke out his Canon from storage and went to town 😂) .

Despite leaving social media, I promise I know how to take pics! It’s just so incredibly awkward to do it in front of other people, unless you are in that “confident” mindset and have tons of energy.

I honestly have no clue how people have the gall to take selfies in public, without any doubt or shame!

Rather than confident, I mostly felt “cute” and the shyness took over, especially since the make-up artist accompanied us. But if this means I look “younger”, I’ll take it!

20 vs. 30 – Hard to do a perfect comparison but I feel like I look the same, haha! At 20, I came home after taking the MCAT (which I bombed…) and was still severely in my eating disorder. 10 years later and a whole lot more life experiences and lessons learned…

It was still a lot of fun, and I love the pictures. And unlike 9/10 girls out there, I don’t really have anywhere to post them but here, which is fine by me 😛.

Oh, I also baked a cake! Funfetti cake + strawberry frosting, straight outta H.E.B. in Texas!

PSA – if anyone from the USA is visiting me in Italy, entry fee is one box of cake mix and a tub of frosting 🤣.

Funfetti cake mix and strawb frosting. Had to use olive oil instead of vegetable oil which was exciting.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Turning another year older and entering the next decade also got me thinking about other things. I like planning ahead, but the farthest I can go out nowadays without feeling anxious is 1 year. When I was in school, I had no issue with 4 -or 5- year plans because that’s how long it would take to finish my degrees anyways.

But now, putting that much pressure on yourself to achieve X number of things in X number of years seems like unnecessary stress. Of course I want to work towards a life of financial security, healthiness, and happiness, but planning each and every single step is no longer “vision boards and jelly-pens-and-journals” fun.

For now, I’m good with reflecting on what I was able to accomplish in the decade I just completed, and what I hope to achieve in my thirties. 20-for-20 and 30-for-30-esque lists can be a bore for some, so don’t feel compelled to read—although, I welcome any comments, especially if we share anything in common!

20 Things I Rocked @ In My Twenties

  1. Got my PhD.
  2. Kicked my eating disorder in the butt!
  3. Became a public transit wonder (no fear, your metro girl is here).
  4. Traveled solo domestically and internationally.
  5. Developed into an athlete via a love and drive for running (12 year old Pree who ran a 10:30 mile would freak!)
  6. Avoided physically being in a car accident or traffic tickets (being in O Chem while my parked car got ran into does not count).
  7. Realizing that depression just doesn’t go away and learning how to manage it every day.
  8. Not being a self-absorbed, materialistic brat.
  9. Accepting that I am an old soul living in a millennial’s body.
  10. Loving my body and my skin (brown is beautiful ya’ll—that collagen tho).
  11. Learning that wounds from the past can heal with time.
  12. Running seven marathons.
  13. Volunteering at an animal shelter where I learned that I must be an ACD mom someday.
  14. Not being afraid to stand firm on my opinions.
  15. Being a great listener and an empathetic person.
  16. Honoring my body’s needs (NAPS ARE OKAY, PEOPLE).
  17. Being single for a loooooooong time (no high school sweetheart or college flings here!) and being comfortable with it (I didn’t start dating until ~28).
  18. Not being afraid to say when I’m uncomfortable.
  19. Having the decency not to ghost people.
  20. Being a shoulder to cry on (as much as I used others’ shoulders lol).

Things Freshly 30-Year-Old Me Hopes to Accomplish/Thinks She Wants

  1. Fast-track to a six-figure salary via sensible means (for me, most likely will be working my way up through Medical Affairs 😉).
  2. To be a cat and Australian Cattle Dog mom.
  3. Qualify for and run Boston, and then…
  4. Run a sub-3:00 marathon (basically, become an elite runner—a lot of the top women are in their 30s so that’s my motivation!).
  5. Carefully fuel my body so it can handle the energy needs of #3 & #4. (i.e. drink more water and watch my electrolytes).
  6. Publish my two (in progress) writing works.
  7. Go to Greece (Santorini and that island with cats).
  8. Buy property when “the time is right” (I keep going back-and-forth in regards to if renting forever is good or not…).
  9. Volunteer for impactful causes (yes, politically-related).
  10. Get better at accepting compliments and focusing on that more vs. harping on the “bad” stuff that happened in a day.
  11. Get over imposter syndrome.
  12. Empower the underdog whenever possible.
  13. Finally speak another language fluently (I would love to one day fluently speak the language of my roots, Tamil…just gotta get over the mental and emotional roadblocks built up over time first…).
  14. Continue to practice letting go of anger.
  15. Find the best way to manage my hormones.
  16. Get closer to managing my depression/OCD so that it has minimal impact on my life.
  17. Help others become more self-aware/be better humans.
  18. Continue to work towards living a sustainable life and leading by example to others.
  19. CONSISTENTLY DRINK MORE WATER.
  20. Continue to work on not caring about what others think when it comes to deciding what makes me happy.
  21. Be at a place where I can say I will eventually have enough to retire, but have the energy to keep going.
  22. Stop having headaches (lol, a concentrated effort).
  23. STOP BITING MY NAILS FINALLY??
  24. Continue to celebrate rest and enjoy naps.
  25. Try not to be short-tempered/make sure I am taking care of myself so I don’t let negative feelings overpower me.
  26. Be more assertive when asking for what I need (and not feel bad about it).
  27. Savor my coffee and always have room for cake.
  28. Become a running coach.
  29. Be a career mentor/inspiration for other young women who are going through what I went through in my 20s.
  30. Never let anyone get in my head and try to tell me I’m not (smart/pretty/powerful/brave) enough.

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I can’t think of anything “inspirational” to end with in this post, but I think one thing I feel good about is my direction. I don’t know if I’ll be making $XXX,XXX amount of money by the time I’m 32 or if I’ll race a sub-3:00 before 34…

30 ✌🏽

But I’ll try to keep my head held high and smiling until I get there. 

Milan, Italy

Keep Calm & Carry (Yourself) On

Reading Time: 6 minutes

This month has been so calm, peaceful, and happy. I didn’t think I’d make it to such a mental state so quickly, but it’s happening.

Besides having a mini emotional breakdown at the end of January (being uncertain about the start of my business trip given the Omicron scare and waiting on the Italian consulate to process critical documentation to begin my EU Blue Card application were my triggers), I’ve felt relatively calm ever since, and I’ve welcomed it with an embrace of a mother who just saw her grown kids after 10 years 😅.

I know that I would have never found my current position in industry if it had not been for academia driving me out of toxic working conditions, but I do wonder what would have happened if I had joined my current company back in June 2020, rather than pursuing a post-doc, if everything I have been provided with so far was provided to me back then 🤔. I am almost certain Italy would have tasted sweeter.

Maybe as sweet as this donut I had the other day? I know, not Italian, but when it comes to breakfast, my cravings are all-American.

I definitely would have been over the moon about the Italian course they are willing to cover. Right now, I feel like I have to force myself to get motivated.

Despite the harsh reality I ended up having to face, I am forever grateful for the current calmness of 2022, and the calmness of my return to Milan especially. I mentioned in the linked post that I face doubts about what my current “passions” are, and if I will find success and happiness if I continue to pursue them, but I must also acknowledge that the new work-life balance I’ve found has allowed me to figure this out, day by day.

With running, I am finding my mental and physical stamina again. In the weeks leading up to my departure to Milan, I was running 9-10 miles for long runs on Sunday mornings. It was easy to zone out, get lost in my Spotify playlists, and enjoy the long Texas roads, stumbling across the occasional longhorn and galloping baby calves 😍.

Spotted after a night run in Milan

While in Italy this month, I crushed my long run goals, going back to running distances that once came second nature to me. 11, 12, 13 mile long runs didn’t feel so intimidating this time around. I ran the hills of Como during these long runs, and I didn’t stop in a work anxiety-induced paralysis, which often prevented me from going the distance last year…

I feel good with my runs so far, even though I’m still off with my goal pace. But based on past experience, I know that increasing my weekly mileage will help. I’m trying to get back to where I was in 2017, where I was running 40-50 miles a week, in peak marathon training shape (pace-wise), and had built great comradery with my marathon training group as a plus. Running with people is a painkiller for me, it feels amazing to run with others, but finding a solid group of people to train with in Italy has been an impossible task. Especially due to the pandemic...

I have a half marathon in Texas scheduled in early April, and my hope while I am at home again for the next four weeks is to incorporate double runs (running in the morning and evening of the same day) again, to hit a higher weekly mileage. In Italy, it seems as though I’m better off finding people who smoke more than participate in cardiovascular exercise, frankly speaking, but we’ll see what happens as the months progress. While in Texas, it shouldn’t be too hard to stop by a Fleet Feet for a weeknight or weekend morning run with a group of like-minded runners 😀.

With writing, I go through moments of impassioned writing bursts, or days of procrastination. I think all writers can relate. Last year, I decided to stop writing short-forms on IG because it is a platform that doesn’t appreciate that kind of work. So now, my writing has become a private endeavor in the short-term, and this tests my patience immensely.

Coffee shop working and writing has always been a hobby of mine. It’s not a usual thing to do in Italy though…

I’ve chosen to keep the details of my writing projects private for now, but my close friends are writers themselves, and it’s been nice being able to bounce ideas off of them now and then. When I was back home, it was easier to write after work, and after an evening run. While in Italy, finding motivation to write in the evenings has been difficult, but I’m trying not to force myself if I don’t feel like it. I’m hoping for more days where I can bust out work in less than an hour due to passion (lol), like a post I wrote regarding Women’s Day. But even if those days are rare for now, I’m trying to use this time to figure out what works best for me when it comes to creating a “writing routine”.

Last week, I was successful in devoting 30 minutes to one of my projects every day, no matter what. Even if some of those sessions were not extremely productive, the minutes I had my doc open helped me in some form with the process as a whole. I’m hoping to continue meeting these “mini goals” because it’s better than not doing anything at all!

With my career, it’s something I’ve said a number of times but still holds true—leaving academia meant getting my mental health back. There is no doubt that me talking about running and writing here is because now I have the time to invest in them again.

I was also able to work remotely 2x a week while I was in Italy! It made long walks or lunchtime breaks outdoors so easy to fit in, and it definitely made me happy…

My job so far has been so perfect in terms of work-life balance, but even within the role, there have been discussions on what I can be involved with in the near future. Like, pipeline stuff. In the industry, this refers to a series of projects the company is working on or plans to work on. Some of the items proposed to me sound really exciting, and sound like they would utilize my skillset. Makes me feel important 😌

With life abroad, I still don’t know if I desire anything new. I had really high hopes during my first Italy stint, but learning the language is something that no longer excites me. Still, I will give it my best shot with the classes my company is offering me, it’s the least I can do, but if I had to choose between becoming an elite runner overnight or waking up speaking fluent Italian? I’d go with elite runner, hands down.

Do I want to travel? Sure, but only if the travel is spent with people I want to be with. I still haven’t been south of Florence when it comes to Italy. I’m saving places like Rome and Naples for when people I love can join me on those adventures. In the near-term, I don’t expect my family or close friends to be able to afford to see me in Italy, and so I have no complaints about going to see them where they are. My friend in Germany recently invited me to join her in Turkey for a few days during the summer to attend a wedding. I’d love to join her for that, only so I can spend quality time with her. I’ve heard Turkey is beautiful, but I don’t have the desire to go by myself at the moment. Such a stark difference from my solo travel days…

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It’s nice to be able to reflect on these past few weeks and be happy with them. I can only hope that things continue to go well and develop to my liking, but like I mentioned in a post from a few weeks ago, I’m attempting to adopt a “cruise control” attitude for all of these things. I know now that I can experience calmness for a long period, and that makes me feel so good.

And it only further drives home the point that our environment is so powerful, so do whatever you can to put yourself in a place that gives you the best possible.

Earth

A Women’s Day Reflection

Reading Time: 4 minutes

With this post, I risk people not agreeing with me, but that’s okay. If this sparks discussion, debate, and helps others to think from a different perspective, I am all for it.

I did not know Women’s Day existed until I came to Italy. I grew up in a country where we get time off for presidents, activists, veterans, and military, but the closest thing to Women’s Day I was familiar with was Mother’s Day. And to me, that day grew tense with each passing year.

As my mother succumbed more and more to her mental illness, I resented the fact that there was a day to celebrate her. In my teenage mind, she didn’t deserve it. I would see her verbally and emotionally abuse my father every day without fail, yet, my father would still ask my sister and I to make her a card, and he’d still show up with a bouquet of flowers just to show her he cared.

Despite his kind intentions, she would always find a reason to be suspicious of him. Or yell at him because he bought the flowers from Albertson’s instead of Raley’s.

And when Father’s Day came around? She never did anything special for him. It was up to my sister and I to let our father know we cared. That we needed him and loved him for sticking around.

When I think back to my high school days, I can’t imagine how much psychological torment he had to internalize. There would be nights she would be triggered by the simplest things. If she began yelling at me or my sister, our father would be ready, like a superhero with his shield, ready to deflect her anger from us towards him.

It would give us some modicum of peace to finish homework, but to hear her berate him for hours and hours into the night was not something my sister and I were comfortable with.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

Even with these tense family dynamics, I still grew up a “staunch feminist”. Perhaps it was my mom’s unsubstantiated opinions of men that were ingrained in me for years, but the “men are evil, fear them” “mantra” I grew up with was hard to shake off—until I learned to listen and understand the other side.

When I first met my boyfriend in Italy and we were learning about each other, I shared something nonchalantly on social media that upset him:

The whole pepper spray thing is a topic for another day 😅😅

It was supposed to be a hit at women in my circle who hinted that I need to live in fear and carry pepper spray, but the way I phrased my stance was a hit at all men, and that wasn’t fair. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but seeing how upset it made him feel led me to probe further discussions with him about the topic, which is something I am immensely appreciative for.

I didn’t realize the suicide rate in men is twice as high as for women, on a global scale, and that their access to mental health support is still strongly stigmatized. And what about the “biggest shocker“, that yes, boys and men can be victims of sexual assault and rape, with it being reported that in the US alone, 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.

These discussions made me realize that gender equality is an extremely convoluted topic that is constantly vacillating from one side to the other. It shouldn’t be about prioritizing one group over another if the goal is equality, yet if we prioritize Women’s Day with flowers and protests, and laugh off Men’s Day (which, by the way is November 19th) as a “creation of jealous men”, we will never achieve the equality we all say we are striving for.

Wonder if the woman who received these mimosa flowers (Italy’s famous tradition) appreciated it, expected it, or yelled at her boy for getting it from the wrong florist 😅

Yes, there are a lot of places in this world where men have a powerful influence and women are stripped of their rights. In South Asian countries and places with similar cultural ideals, this is a huge issue. The recent, artfully-crafted Malayalam movie, Great Indian Kitchen, demonstrated this eloquently.

But even in these cultures, men still suffer. In the South Asian space, Ram of @desi_brotherhood shares relevant information via Instagram feed posts in an unbiased way, and has shared a number of posts regarding domestic violence, mental health, and suicide issues that affect South Asian women and men.

Compared to South Asia, the overall context is different in the Western world. Even though domestic violence is rampant, especially without a doubt in the USA, women in the Western world still do experience a lot more freedoms compared to women of other countries. When I see the stereotypical “Karen” complain more than she should about how “men need to be the providers”, it does irritate me. These are the same women who claim they are independent, self-sufficient, and strong, yet expect “their man” to be the breadwinner and foot the bill of their shopping sprees because “they deserve it!”. This then leads to some men using these women as excuses for not supporting women’s rights, and it ends up being a vicious cycle.

————————————————– 𝕊𝔾𝔻 ————————————————-

My intent with this post is not to divert attention from Women’s Day, but to serve as a reflection. I have only a handful of women in my life who I love with all my heart. Who deserve everything beautiful in this world because they truly do deserve it, but there are men in my life who deserve just the same.

So while today is a good day to celebrate women, our love for them, and their achievements, let’s be kind, thoughtful, and empathetic women and do the same for the amazing men in our lives when it’s their turn.

At the end of the day, we shouldn’t be celebrating the chromosomes one carries, but rather the individual those chromosomes serve as roots for.

Verona, Italy

Running a (Half) Marathon in Italy

Reading Time: 9 minutes

My first race in Italy was also my first race after a long hiatus from marathon racing, the peak of the COVID pandemic, and outside of the United States. With all of these “firsts” involved, no wonder my race day experience was a rocky one!

But before hashing the details on that, it might help to describe the steps (forward and back), in the months prior…

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Prior to COVID, I imagined my first race in Italy would be the Milano Marathon in April 2020, thinking that I would have been settled in my new city a few months prior. Obviously, plans changed for everyone, but I decided to get back to some form of training, even if I didn’t have a specific race to motivate myself for.

In 2021, I thought about Milan again. My training for the race was touch-and-go, but mentally I was ready. I was hitting my goal pace on fast runs and relishing the brisk, cold winter air that made my lungs burn, but my body feel as light as a feather.

I soon learned that the Milano Marathon wouldn’t be open to the public in 2021 either, thanks to the unfortunate occurrence of Italy’s second COVID lockdown…the restrictions for which weren’t lifted until summer hit. When June rolled around, I was ready to take my chances again—I decided to seriously consider an Italian marathon to race in for Fall 2021.

I’ve run a countless number of races since 2013, ranging from 5ks to marathons. And out of all those races, absolutely zero were run outside of the good ol’ USA 😅. I mean, it makes sense since I was either an undergrad student living at home while going to school, or a graduate student with an insane lab schedule that prevented me from jet-setting to exotic locales for a “mere hobby”.

Since my experience with racing has only been limited to the US, there were a few preliminary steps that were new to me when I registered for my first Italian race:

1. I had to register for the RunCard – basically a “membership fee” that lasts a year to participate in Italian-based races. If you are an elite/professional runner, this membership can be subbed-in with a professional running club membership. Given that I don’t see myself staying in Italy long-term, I haven’t bothered looking into professional clubs…I’m kinda hoping I make my comeback while I am living in Italy though, so I can return to the US in tip-top elite shape 😉 (you know, those #LongTermGoals)!

2. I had to get medical clearance. Wait what? It seemed as though this requirement is to protect Italian race organizers. In the US, you simply sign a waiver saying you won’t sue. In Italy, they literally screen you out so there is no question of suing 😅.

So in mid-June, I ended up going to S. Gottardo “Centro Medicina dello Sport” in Milan to get my tests done, so I could get a certificate to participate in long-distance running events (on my certificate it said “atletica leggera“) like marathons and half marathons.

If there wasn’t some sort of paperwork to be done, could you even call it the Italian way? 😂 This health certification sign-off is required for other activities too like access to gyms, group sports, etc.

My tests included the basics (blood pressure, height, weight, urine analysis…which by the way, in Italy you need to hand deliver to the doctor him/herself 😝) as well as some weird, ancient tests like spirometry (basically assessing lung function by measuring how much air you can breathe out in one forced breath) and a step test that really gets your heart going for an EKG.

The things one does for a marathon…

Once I bought the run card and got my med certifications, I was able to upload it onto the website where I registered for the Verona Marathon (TDS) and I received an email once my documents were approved.

At that point, I felt comfortable with my registration and training plan, and braced myself for a hot and sweaty summer in Northern Italy to start my marathon comeback training.

But of course, something had to get in my way.

Within a few weeks, I was experiencing unbearable fatigue. I was having trouble focusing throughout the day, and feeling especially exhausted on the weekends. I’d go for a long run, and then be completely useless for the rest of the day. Looking back, I think the exhaustion first appeared in late winter, but I overlooked it as being related to work stress.

I had the opportunity to get bloodwork done in August, and that’s when I learned my ferritin levels were at a dangerously low 4ng/mL—for reference, the “normal” range is anywhere from 10-291. This includes men and women, but a woman runner should definitely be on the higher end of this range, and the fact I was landing on the exact opposite side of the spectrum was concerning.

So I decided to downgrade from marathon training to half marathon training. I thought it would be best, and more feasible, to train for a shorter distance while trying to get my ferritin levels back up. I wanted to have a comeback, but have it be a sustainable one too.

I switched to the mindset of training for a half in mid-August, and felt so much more relieved. Despite the muggy summer runs, I felt my new goal was feasible—especially since I was able to visit my family for two weeks right around the time I made this training change!

A beautiful Texas sunrise

Running in a new environment helped a ton. Texas was brutal in it’s humidity (3 miles left me drenched in sweat!), but the views of Spring, Texas were indescribable.

I started to take 54mg of iron a day, and focus on my protein. Once I got back to Italy, I was feeling better in regards to the chronic fatigue I had been experiencing, and I felt a little bit better about my protein since I came back with a giant tub of Sprouts vegan chocolate protein 😂.

In addition to low iron and humidity, I was wearing the most HORRIBLE shoes for running…do not get Saloman shows for running, even if they say they are running shoes. WORST decision ever and my heels made sure I knew!

As fall approached, I noticed that my pace seemed to become faster compared to my summer times, thanks to the cooling weather, but my training plan took a huge hit due to uncontrollable stressors in life. I was having to deal with a lot of unknowns about my prospects in Italy, and whenever I am dealing with stress at a level of intensity that seems unbearable, it most definitely impacts my running performance.

As it got closer to late November and I was still not hitting my time goals consistently, I decided to go into race weekend with a “chill” attitude—this race would be my comeback to racing after 2.5 years, after all…

Set up in Verona before the race. At Piazza Bra.

Verona is about 1.5 hours away from Milan by train, but given that there weren’t any early morning trains on Sunday leaving Milan that would make it to Verona before the race start of 8am, I “had” to make my stay in Verona an overnight one. I know, how unfortunate 😉.

It occurred to me about a month out that I would need to get my boarding sorted for Saturday night of race weekend, and I was able to find a room in the center of the city, about 6 minutes walking distance away from the Arena and Piazza Bra, where the race start would be.

On race weekend, I arrived in Verona around 10am after dropping off my things, I made the 30 minute walk over to ParaOlimpia where packet pick-up was being held.

Checking in was extremely easy, but the “expo” was so tiny compared to what I’m used to. The LA Marathon expo for example is a huge event in itself, hosting hundreds of vendors, giving away dozens of free samples, and an occasion to celebrate before toeing the start.

Waiting in line at packet pick-up—10k and full marathon had shortest lines. Of course the half marathon line was the longest!!

I got my bag after a short wait in line, and indulged in some of the free snacks from Scotti, apparently the only vendor giving out food freebies. In addition to the food freebies, a few med samples were thrown in along with my race shirt, the latter of which was exciting to get since it has been a lonnnnng time since I had a new workout shirt from a race in my closet 😂

I’ve walked away with LARGER hauls from races in the US, but I suppose this was a pretty good haul for an Italian race!

After walking back from the expo, I stopped for lunch at a cute vegan restaurant (I love supporting vegan establishments wherever I go, especially Italy) and had the most filling, delicious lasagna I’ve ever had come across my lips!

I was able to gather enough energy to walk around Verona, snap some pics, and gobble down some Venchi gelato within a matter of 2 hours—Verona is tiny and so this is certainly not unthinkable 😂.

I walked back to my stay for the night (around 4pm, lol) and decided to just relax, watch HBO Max, and rest my legs for the race the next morning. I also kept hydrated, and decided to go to sleep early, around 9pm 😅.

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The next morning however, I woke up with sharp, excruciating pain on my upper left back…seriously, on race day? I did my best to massage it out, but it was pinching pain that felt internal, and was nothing like I’ve experienced before. The only thing I could think of causing damage was maybe the extra firm mattress and pillow I was sleeping on? But it seemed strange that one night of different sleeping conditions could cause something so persistent and sharp…

I walked over to Piazza Bra seeing if a proper warm-up could fix things back in order. I was able to run, but every time I took in a deep breath, my back would spasm and pinch, and I would feel a sharp pain. I was wondering if I’d be able to handle this for 13.1 miles…

Trying to warm-up before the race

Assembling at the start was simple, however the start line was wrapped around the park so it made things inaccessible at first. Once I was in my corral, I tried to keep stretching and moving around but the pain was still there. Soon we were off, and I allowed the cool, brisk air and the adrenaline of others to push me at 8:07/mi pace. For the first 3 miles, the pain was sharp but I managed to reign it in and keep going.

When I got to mile 4, my pace had slowed incredibly from my outset to 9:29/mi. The pain felt stronger and mentally, I just felt like I couldn’t fight through it. We were running by the river at this point, and I found a side street to duck into at 4.66 miles.

I felt incredibly embarrassed and ashamed, but also relieved. Despite the time difference, I was able to talk (and cry lol) to my Dad for a bit as I made the 40 minute walk back to Piazza Bra, with my hand firmly placed on my back the entire way. Dropping out of a race—especially one that was supposed to be my comeback—felt like a huge blow to my racing career, given that I’ve been chasing specific goals since 2017, but have had to face one obstacle or another since then…

The Croce Rossa/Red Cross tent was at least at the start, so I thought I’d see what they could do to help. As a scientist, I’m not pleased with medical professionals and how they approach treatment in most situations, and racing in Italy where a language barrier also plays a role I knew wouldn’t help me when it came to explaining my situation…

…but there was at least one man who spoke broken English who gave me a high-strength dose of the equivalent to Tylenol. I still walked away from the tent defeated, but I swallowed the pill, and immediately became brainstorming about the next race.

About 2022. About how my life was now changing for the better, and that perhaps my external stressors could finally be in control, so I can devote time and energy to training for this passion of mine.

Obviously this was not how I wanted my comeback to look like, but I am also at ease to have gotten my “first race back” out of the way! Now I know what are the steps required to race in Italy, and it will save myself from a lot of headache in the future!

My RunCard doesn’t expire until June 2022, so I am thinking of racing some shorter distance races in Spring 2022. Maybe a half can fits it’s way in there, but I am still adamant about wanting to run quality races, more so than quantity, which was the theme of my past.

And the marathon? Will I ever reunite with 26.2, with success? Maybe Fall 2022 will be a good goal, universe-permitting…

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