second gen desi experience – Page 3 – ⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆

Pree December 20, 2022 Bari, Italy

Beautiful Bari

Reading Time: 9 minutes

Update from February 2023! The place where I stayed, owned and run by A-L and her husband, is now ready for vacation rental (https://www.airbnb.com/h/themonsignors)! Please check it out and I highly recommend you stay with them when you plan your Puglia/Bari visit!!

So…my favorite kind of pizza does have pineapple on it. I “respect” that this combo is abhorred in Italy (they missin’ out, but alrighty then…), and I wouldn’t dare to ask for it at a pizzeria, but that doesn’t leave me with much as a vegetarian in regards to variety…

Verdure pizza is often topped with way too much zucchini and eggplant (my least favorite veggies, haha). Then there are the ones with formaggio on top of formaggio (Chuck E. Cheese would honestly pass out at the sight of quattro formaggi 😅).

So in Italy, I’m glad I at least have Pugliese to turn to—a cheese pizza topped with onion. It’s much simpler than I’d like it to be, but at least it has a delicious, “spicy” vegetable to kick it up a notch!

Pugliese is also related to Puglia, the “heel” of Italy, and Bari it’s capital. I was finally able to venture to the region and meet an online friend IRL last weekend!

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A-L and I met on Instagram as expats in Italy, and she is one of the few people I have kept in touch with after leaving the platform. She was incredibly kind, offering a rental (that she and her husband are renovating) for me to stay in for the weekend I was visiting! Also, she has the cutest rescue in all of Bari:

I could have taken a train to Bari from Milan, but it would have been an arduous ordeal. Thanks to cheap domestic flights (Ryanair comin’ through), I was able to book a flight from Bergamo to Bari for a little over 50 euros. It was also my first time flying out of Bergamo, and it was so much easier to handle than going through Malpensa, or even Linate!

I made it to Bari around noon, and A-L, her husband, and lil Dun Dun were able to pick me up. From there, we drove into the city of Bari…

A-L and her husband brought along two wheels of foccacia from their local foccaceria! One was covered in onions (obviously my favorite) and the other was decked out in tomatoes and olives (pitted). Didn’t snap a pic because I was too hungry to grab my phone—plus, the bread was oily 😅

The city center was small enough to walk around within an hour, to at least see the important stuff.

My favorite was pasta street, and the four-legged guardian at the entrance:

I learned that “ear pasta” (orecchiette) is a Pugliese tradition, and that the homemade versions made by the “little old ladies” of pasta street are often left out to dry like in the tray shown above. How can they be so trusting of the most-likely hungry tourist passing by 🤔?

After the little walking tour of central Bari, we drove about 20 minutes south to A-L and her husband’s real hometown Mola di Bari.

Now this is the Italy I’ve always pictured, he he.

A-L and her husband had English lessons to teach, so I was able to unpack and rest for a bit before we headed out for dinner. But before dinner, there was time for a little aperitivo in the main square. Even though Milan was freezing when I left, it was still a bit cool in the South, even with my jacket…

We went back to central Bari for dinner, which was an interesting experience. A-L really wanted me to try a signature Bari dish, fave e cicorie (fava bean puree and cooked chicory), but the restaurant said they could only make one (instead of three, for all of us present). Uhmmm, okay 🤔? So we ended up splitting a bunch of small plates for dinner, which was fine since I was able to sample a little bit of everything.

I was so excited to get back and go to sleep, but I was also nervous about having to fit in my long run for the week the next morning (a 17 miler—marathon training can’t stop!). The houses in Mola are incredibly cozy, but take caution when climbing up the stairs, haha! A-L’s rental was four floors, with an incredible view of a solitary palm tree and the Adriatic:

Night view from the house, a lone palm tree and crashing waves of the Adriatic Sea

The next morning, I got up around 6:00am to have enough time for my run. I already saw some local runners on the road, and took it as motivation. Surprisingly, I felt like I could go on and on! Most of the time, I dread long runs over 13 miles because it’s always hard to fathom the mental as much as the physical distance…but being by the water must have induced a calming effect within me!

Whoever is living in that house…yoooooooo

Also, cats.

After the run and a warm shower, I was treated to a nice (pea protein) pancake breakfast at A-L’s, her husband’s, and Dun-Dun’s place just a few houses down 😂. I was in the most Italian-esque town possible, and that’s where I satiated a long-standing pancake craving! Go figure.

Immediately after breakfast, we made our way south to some other tiny (yet famous) towns along the coast. It was also starting to drizzle a bit, so we made sure to pack umbrellas. First up was Polignano a Mare, and the views certainly speak for themselves:

A fun fact A-L shared with me was that the original Volare singer was from here. I will admit that when I think of Volare, I immediately think of Vitamin C’s version circa early 2000s/Lizzie McGuire Movie 😂.

While the views were breathtaking, it wasn’t like we could go for a swim with even more clouds looming over us (🌧), so we then headed on over to Monopoli, A-L’s favorite:

Walking around in the cold caused us to develop a craving for something warm, so a coffee break soon followed! I was also treated to a sweet treat that is local to the region—I’ve forgotten the name, but it was a lightly-fried dough spiral doused in honey. Gimme!

We soon returned back to Mola for a quick nap (me!) and A-L wanted to test out the oven in the rental since the kitchen was brand new. That means I was able to taste some fresh banana bread (with chocolate chips and sunflower seeds…too bad I didn’t take a pic!).

It got dark fairly quickly, and there was quite a downpour when we headed back out again. This time A-L wanted to take me to Alberobello and Ostuni, which were other famous Pugliese landmarks more inland.

Alberobello is an “Italian smurf village”. Obviously it’s more “instagrammable” in the sunlight, but it still held its charm in a dark and cold rainy setting.

Then we drove to Ostuni, known as the “white city” due to the majority of the whitewashed buildings that make up the city.

I found the architecture quite gorgeous, and I could take pictures for hours, but my hunger was finally getting to me. We were hoping to dine at a local restaurant and to try some (veg-friendly) regional classics, but of course, the restaurant was closed.

But Plan B was not bad, at all. Because a cute little bistro by the name of Raparossa that specializes in vegan cuisine was ready to welcome us with open arms 😂.

A-L and her husband are both vegan, and I could tell they were more excited than I was to chow down (haha, and I was super hungry and excited so that says something!). Most Italian restaurants are not extremely vegan-friendly (I get by as a vegetarian, getting my fill of milk and eggs, no doubt about that…), so when a restaurant in town offers an all-vegan menu, it’s nice to relax and pick whatever you want without doubt!

We had everything from shared appetizers to dessert. I only took pictures of my main—a risotto that came topped with caramelized grapes and vegan (!!) gorgonzola…

Why can’t ALL Italian food be vegan-ized…

A-L also ordered the risotto (lol), and we both agreed that the “gorgonzola” wasn’t that strong. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing, since “real” gorgonzola actually tastes like soap to me! Haha, fun genetic “mutations” in action 😛.

The restaurant is also involved in community outreach (lol)—they feature some rescue animals on a picture wall near the entrance:

I was able to rest for an extra hour Sunday morning, but a speed workout was calling my name. Thankfully I fueled well, and was able to hit my intervals and complete my workout with a renewed sense of energy. My flight back to Milan was in the afternoon, so the gang and I had a quick breakfast, and walked around Mola again before it was time to head to the airport.

I can only imagine what this quaint Southern Italian town is like in the Spring/Summer…but I loved that I first experienced it in the off-season, rain and all…

Fun fact about the middle pic: if you see a chair with an assortment of vegetables and goods, it means that the “owner” of that chair has more of those items for sale back at their place! It is apparently a custom unique to Mola!

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Knowing that good company makes me feel so, so good still makes me nervous about solo trips going forward. I know if I had visited Bari on my own, I wouldn’t have felt as good as I described here. I’m also not too sure I would have made it to all the tiny towns in a matter of a day, lol. Great company (including furry pets!) truly make such a difference, and make these trips so much more memorable. I semi-joked with A-L that if she ever needs a dog/house-sitter, I will gladly fly back and use my vacation days just to chill with Dun Dun in Bari 😆.

I mean, I was told Bari—Puglia even—is a different beast in the summer…

Pree November 16, 2022 Milan, Italy

To Kid or Not to Kid? New Pour the Coffee Podcast Episode Out Now!

Reading Time: < 1 minutes

“So, when are you having kids?”

The notorious question asked whenever a couple is in the room…

“You don’t want kids?”

The response one hears when the answer is “not typical”…

But what IS typical nowadays? With new cultural and socioeconomic norms, having kids—even if one wants them—is not the same as it used to be…

And for the average late-twenty-something/thirty-something millennial, having a dog might be all we can handle (emotionally and financially).

Can we just accept that?

Chrizz and I dive into this topic further on our latest Pour the Coffee podcast episode: Episode 3 – To Kid or Not to Kid!

Add it to your podcast line-up for the week, and share your thoughts on the subject with us!

Listen on anchor.fm or Spotify!

Pree November 7, 2022 Cagliari, Italy

Cagliari Reflections: I Really Don’t Want to be Alone

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Moving to Italy a little over two years ago has changed me as a person, immensely. It’s brought out sides of me I never knew needed to be unleashed, but they had reason to:

“Tough Boss Pree“, who has no trouble throwing around the “f word” (to my Dad’s dismay, lol), was someone I had to embrace in order to feel some sort of control in a foreign land I otherwise had no voice in.

“Vulnerable Pree” is someone I can’t help but want to give a big bear hug to. Learning and practicing to love unconditionally (self and others) truly is a skill that needs to be nurtured and taken care of. It’s frightening because it’s like exposing your soul, but it is something everyone should find the courage to do because the payoff can be beautiful.

“Extrovert in an Introvert’s Body Pree” is someone I’m proud to have discovered here. I’ve taken initiative so many times in the name of trying to establish connections and friendships. Professionally, I have no problem (in English) effectively communicating. Ha, there’s a reason “communication” is in my job title! It’s definitely daunting to put feelers out all the time and not have every attempt be successful—for every 20 girls I’ve met in Italy, I only happen to meet two on a “frequent” basis, and even that takes work!

These three personas of mine existed before Italy, but now I feel like they are pretty much what characterize my identity at this point.

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Even though I’ve done the solo travel bit and I’m no longer a fan, I decided to head down to the South of Italy for a change of scenery while remote working. I planned the trip two weeks in advance, and found a good plane ticket deal along with a place to stay (a room plus private bathroom) that was also reasonable in price (87 euros for 3 nights…not bad!).

When I told people of my plans, alot were curious as to why Cagliari? Why the capital city of Sardegna in the month of October? Why were you not like everyone else spending three weeks roasting like a chicken on the shores of Poetto Beach in August?

Because I’m Pree, and I do things my way—that’s essentially what solo travel is at the root of it.

Thursday was a travel day in the morning, and both Thursday and Friday were remote working days. Friday morning, I was able to venture out for a morning run with views by the water.

I went out to the city center for lunch, dinner, and ice cream (lol) but was overwhelmed/tired by work during the day, so I retreated back to my lodging to rest up early both nights.

I was also feeling a bit down about being alone, and the thought of planning things for the next day seemed daunting… still, I made a list of things to distract myself with, including figuring out where to eat. Even though I’ve had a troubled past with food, it’s often been my default item to go to for comfort—seeking out a cool restaurant with unique vegetarian or vegan-friendly options. Delicious desserts. Writing about it after…

Calories have always been my tried-and-true companions…

*Side note – I’m active on Yelp, and reviewed all of my Cagliari eats there. Follow me there if you are a food+pics kind of person too 😂

I did however *try* to find an alternate distraction via a walking tour. Ultimately I’m glad I did, because the vibe of my trip turned around when I met a new friend on said walking tour.

On Saturday, I slept in a bit and then took the bus down to get breakfast (Bus No. 8 and I got very familiar with eachother over the few days I was in Cagliari, lol). Even though I ran a 6 miler the day before, my body craved “slow” cardio so I skipped my normal morning run. I did however plan to attend a walking tour, secretly hoping I’d meet a new pal to help me distract myself more in Cagliari.

Before making my way to the tour’s meeting point, I stopped at Necropoli di Tuvixeddu , a park of ancient tombs. It was quite underwhelming on a Saturday morning, but nevertheless I tried to snap a couple pics:

I eventually made my way to the walking tour meeting point, atop a hill in Old Town Cagliari. My tour guide was a local, and I was soon joined by an elderly white couple on a cruise layover (lol typical!).

Thankfully for me though, I ended up meeting another girl solo traveling, from Milan! We got to talking and she actually works close to where I live. My goal was now to confirm plans with her for the rest of the day, rather than pay attention to the tour 😂! I was determined to redeem myself from the ennui that was building up from the trip thus far by making a new friend.

We got to go into a university library and look at some REALLY vintage books

By the end of the tour, the both of us ended up getting lunch at one of the most famous bistros in Cagliari (Libarum Nostrum) but they callously placed us out in the direct sunlight. I also didn’t want to pay too much for lunch, so I got a plate of spaghetti which… actually wasn’t that bad?

We were both pretty tired after lunch, so we agreed to retreat back to our respective Airbnbs, charge our electronics, and meet up at Poetto Beach in a few hours. I headed out at 5:30pm, and took the bus down to the center as usual. However, the next bus was bit confusing to figure out.

I eventually figured out where the bus stop was (after pushing myself through a group of crazy kids!) and headed down to Poetto. It was a beautiful drive with the sun setting, but that was it…the sun was setting!

Silly me packed a towel thinking we’d be able to sit out on the sand and enjoy the waves. By the time I got down, it was already twilight.

It was still gorgeous though.

My new friend eventually came down and we both realized our beach plans no longer made sense 🤦‍♀️. We instead walked for a bit, and then found the closest bus stop to get back to the center.

I could have made it a priority to make it to the beach “on-time”, but I was content spending the cool-weathered evening walking with a friend vs. hours of alone time on the beach during the day…

For dinner, we thought back to what our walking tour guide recommended and remembered Taccas because of the Sardinian specialty they offered—deep fried pecorino cheese topped with honey. We were sold.

The city center is always packed in the evenings, but we got food within a decent time frame and were able to head back to our respective Airbnbs around 10pm via bus (seriously, you don’t need a car for Cagliari—you can survive with handy-dandy bus numbah 8 😂!).

I left for Milan the next morning, and got back in the early afternoon. I didn’t expect to find another solo traveler on my walking tour, especially since my previous solo trips did not prove successful in the arena of friendship (lol), but low expectations met with pleasant surprises helped turned this trip around.

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This trip was also planned on a whim, to serve as a distraction from life events that left me raw in early October. Ultimately what made this trip “redeemable” was hanging out with another person. It’s crazy how “extroverted” I’ve become in recent months, and I still am not sure if it is a natural transition, or a mechanism my brain has adopted to avoid feeling alone and lonely…

…because being an expat is lonely. And definitely scary. I’ve learned you can’t put all your “eggs in one basket” so to speak, and while planning does help my (still) type-A personality, anxiety does set in that I just can’t shake away—especially if I find myself in an isolated moment in a foreign land that does everything in its power to not make me feel at home.

I still encourage everyone to experience solo travel in their lives. Being alone shouldn’t be scary, but I have spent a lot of my life doing things alone. It’s now become something I dread thinking about, but sometimes it is more convenient to just get out, go, and get it done.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone or alone time, I’m just at a point in my life where more of it terrifies me. The thought of choosing to be alone and not have anyone care or think about you, or want to be with you…I think that is what has made it feel so crippling to me as I’ve gotten older.

Nowadays, the warmth and presence of other souls restores my energy, as much as being alone used to do for me…

Cagliari was nice, but I know I am happiest every time I’m visiting my Dad in suburb Texas. My sister in good ol’ Austin. My bestie in Vegas. Falling asleep on the couch with a special someone while Netflix is playing for hours all weekend.

I’d rather my life be full of people over places. Anything to avoid the heart-wrenching pull of being alone.

Pree October 29, 2022 Mandello del Lario, Italy

Hiking Mandello del Lario

Reading Time: 6 minutes

A few weekends ago, I had the opportunity to join eight other expat girls on a hike in Mandello del Lario, a town I had no idea existed since it was my first time going past Lecco, a major city on the other side of Lake Como.

I am no expert in sports, except running. I guess I could also throw tennis in there since it was a large part of my high school years, but don’t ask me about anything else, haha!

When it comes to hiking, I’ve always enjoyed the thought of it. Unfortunately, it’s only stayed as a thought because my close circle of friends and family aren’t exactly outdoor types. While they do enjoy the occasional walk for “fresh air”, I’m sure they would have been ANGRY with me if they had joined me on this particular hike…

Sliding down in mud, steep “rock climbing”, gripping onto chains for dear life, almost falling into rapid-flowing streams…

I was a bit nervous too at first, but by the end of the day, I felt like a total bad-a**, frankly speaking!

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The day started at a “decent” hour in the morning. I personally would not have minded if we left at the crack of dawn, but I don’t expect Italians to favor that request—even if they are expats!

Most of the girls caught the train from Milano Centrale, but since I recently moved to Monza, I was able to save an extra 15 minutes in travel (well, sitting in anticipation on the train…I still had to walk over from my apartment 😅).

I met a girl who was originally from Peru at Monza Station who was also joining the hike. We had a nice chat about our life experiences in Italy and she casually mentioned she did part of this hike before with her CHOW CHOW DOG (I was literally squealing with excitement).

The train ride was about 20 minutes (time flies by when you’re talking up a storm!) and we met the other seven girls when we got off. There were some awkward silences here and there as we all tried to figure out how to get to the trails, but someone mentioned coffee and that helped break the ice!

We found a small café and got ourselves together. One of the girls (who is Italian) spoke with a local and figured out exactly where to go. That helped.

Trail start: we went on the “del fiume” path

It took us about 20 minutes to get to the trail start—and off we went! We officially “clocked in” at around 10:45/11:00. I’m actually not sure of the exact time because I was already in deep conversation with the Italian (working as a post-doc) and a master’s student from Dubai about the toxicity of academia 😅. Oh the things that bond humanity!

The first two hours or so felt like a walk in nature. There were some steep parts, but nothing one would call difficult. I had enough energy to keep conversations going, and snap pics along the way—including one of this local:

We stopped for “lunch”/a break when we got to the first main waterfall (which some of the girl’s cutely referred to as “cascade”). I brought a simple, ready-to-eat deli sandwich, yogurt, and chips—not my first choice, but your options for ready-meals suitable for hiking are limited for a vegetarian in Italy!

We definitely needed the rest because the next segment of the hike would require ALL of our energy (and bravery)! One of the hardest parts of the hike had us literally rock climbing. There was a chain strewn across a row of boulders, and we had to hold onto it for dear life while climbing sideways à la Spiderman.

It took us a bit longer to get past this, even more steep climbs, and rocky, narrow paths (I lost my water bottle at this point which I had filled with fresh water from the cascade! Darn!), but we waited for everyone to finish before moving onto our real rest spot.

No one was getting left behind.

At this point, we all settled in in the grass. Some girls had their “real” lunches while others napped. I tried not to be annoying while crunching on the rest of my BBQ chips!

We stayed for a full hour, and then decided to head back to avoid getting back too late/past sunset. The hike back was more on the annoying side, only because we were all starting to fall from our endorphin high and knew it would take us at least two hours to get back, even on the “easy, shortcut” paths. I had brought old running shoes for the hike, and had to be very careful since the tread had mostly worn down and I found myself slipping in some areas…

I also found myself a lot more quiet on this leg of the hike. I was hyperfocused on not falling, while also consumed in my own thoughts while some of the girls who still had energy chatted around me.

Views on level land: can’t leave without seeing a cat!

When we got back into the city of MdL, it felt nice to walk on flat roads again. Some of the girls were in awe when I told them I was doing a long run the next day (had to fit it in before a half marathon the following week…), and to be honest, my legs were totally fine! My arms were the ones feeling all the DOMS the next day…

We took the train back after 6pm, and I got back home a little before 7.

I was able to get off in Monza and avoid the Saturday night craziness of Milan. Needless to say, the physical activity of the day left me a good kind of tired and I slept well that night.

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MdL was a great day experience, but I honestly don’t know when and if I’ll be going on another similar hike anytime soon with “winter” approaching (quotes because ya’ll…I’m still wearing shorts in October…I see Italians bundled up already like we’re in the North Pole but I think it’s out of habit vs. necessity!). Eventually, it would be nice to hike the Dolomites, but I’m also not in a rush.

It kind of looked like the Dolomites anyways…

The next couple weeks will be insanely busy, so it was nice that I was able to take a break early on and finally enjoy what (Italy’s) nature has to offer.

Are you an outdoor/active person?

Pree October 15, 2022 Milan, Italy

It’s Okay to Not Be on Social Media: Blog Post Update & New Podcast Episode

Reading Time: 3 minutes

It’s been five months since I pulled the plug on @secondgendesi on Instagram.

I have a post explaining why here, but now that my bestie Christina and I are diving into the “pertinent” topics of today’s late 20s/30-something millennial on our new podcast Pour the Coffee, I thought it would be an interesting topic to cover through audio [click here to listen][listen on Spotify]!

Our “episode 2” covers exactly what the title of this blog post says, “It’s Okay to Not Be on Social Media“, and it is a *solo* episode featuring moi since Chrizz still has socials (lol!).

I actually recorded this episode several weeks before Pour the Coffee materialized. I had this sudden urge to talk about the topic in a free-flowing way:

“If you ask Pree for her social media handles, she’ll have nothing to offer you except the URL of her blog. In this solo episode, Pree talks about why she left a platform millions of people use for the sake of her mental health. She’ll go over…

[x] Her journey with the internet/blogging

[x] Her beginnings with Instagram as a food blogger

[x] Creating a new blog and Instagram in the early 2020s

[x] The red flags of the platform and toxic traits of “influencers” and niche accounts

[x] Why getting off social media altogether was the best for her mental health”

For those that want a written recap, I started writing about how I felt as soon as one week off the platform. Now with this blog post, it seems like an appropriate time to share!

How do I feel about leaving social media (i.e Instagram)?

Despite moments where I do feel isolated, I’m overall very proud of myself for leaving such a toxic environment. I think the biggest thing I gained was releasing unnecessary pressure of “following” people I didn’t want to follow. Despite so-called self-help “gurus” embracing the selfish notion of “look out for yourself” and “declutter your feed for your mental health”, I’m the kind of person who will always think about the other person affected.

When I had SGD on IG, it always put me in a funk whenever I saw someone I thought I had good rapport with (as much as one could have virtually) unfollow me. Towards the end of my IG stint, I even directly DM’d people asking why.

Yeah, I went there. Because it did bother me.

What is there to do with this newfound free time?

Lately, focusing on my job. Focusing on the next steps for the job I eventually want to land. Trying to enjoy things without worrying about others think…

…but it’s hard. Especially, when everyone around you is connected to social media in some form.

As much as I try to push people to go back to reading blogs (mine included!) and check in on my WhatsApp status if they’re *that* curious to know what’s up with me, it still hurts me to know people are okay with living life so attached to their phones.

Some days it’s easier to focus on creative projects, other days I just want to curl up and watch TV all day. Even if there is newfound free time because I ditched one unproductive source of consumption, it doesn’t mean I can be 100% productive with that newfound free time, and that’s okay.

Will I ever go back?

It will definitely depend on the purpose. Perhaps if my writing projects get anywhere and social media can help boost exposure, it would make sense at that point.

If I figure out a new niche or find something passionate about that I am motivated about growing, maybe…

But for now, I’m not compelled to “start over” and mutually follow people I don’t want to follow.

Nothing on that platform makes sense anymore. Pictures of frozen potatoes get more likes than fancy cappuccinos. Carousel posts with spelling mistakes somehow have hundreds of comments yet posts I made for a science education account rank low when it comes to engagement…

Instagram is a useful tool if you’ve got something to sell or promote, and it’s decent entertainment (I guess…) if you’re a passive consumer who doesn’t care much about “creating”. But becoming an “IG sensation” is not as easy as it was 10 years ago. The platform is heavily saturated, the algorithm is wonky, and it really does more harm than good to someone with earnest, but naïve intentions.

If you need some verbal company and want to hear my perspective on why I left social media, please give episode 2 of Pour the Coffee a listen! Let me know what you think in the comments!

Are you off social media/Instagram?

Have you thought about leaving? What makes you hesitate?