secondgendesi – ⋆ Second Gen Desi ⋆

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Back in August, my sister and I traveled to Hawaii for the very first time. Our island selection was purely based on which was cheapest to fly into on our selected dates from Austin, Texas—travel planning at its finest 😂.

Lucky for us, one of Hawaii’s most beautiful islands—Kauai—was the “cheap” one to fly into from the bunch. When I started sharing our travel plans with others, everyone who had been could not stop commenting on the jungle lure and true South Pacific vibes this particular island had to offer.

Even with the hype, my sister and I still waited until a few days before to finalize our itinerary, and given the nature of my job at the time, I was remote working for part of the trip. Despite all of this, we had no complaints, but there were moments I couldn’t help but mock regarding our so-called “vacation life”.

Read on as I poke fun at our adventures, as “lazy girls in Hawaii” 🤙

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Rent a car under your name, but have your sister drive you around because you get “chronic headaches” and super sleepy after meals. I am the worst traveler in that my body malfunctions and/or shuts down during travel. I used to be able to knock-out on planes as a kid, but the smaller seats and barbarians who like to recline their seat way too far prevent me from accumulating precious sleep hours. Instead, I arrive to my destination with jet-lag induced headaches super hungry, and upon eating my first meal, I can feel my eyes start to droop. Definitely not safe if you need to drive around, so thank goodness for my travel partner sister, lol.

We got “upgraded” to a bigger car. It definitely was roomy and it did have good AC, which was super important for us lol.

Participate in Kauai Humane Society’s dog field trip program by selecting the oldest, least energetic dog, only to have him pee on your beach umbrella. In my defense, I wanted to take out their cattle dog. but he got snatched up right away. I also didn’t want to push it since my energy levels were pretty low after a long day spent at the beach, fully exposed to all the UV, the day before. Brockstein seemed great for a while…until I decided to take a break in the water and leave him with my sister for ten minutes. Of course he had to relieve himself on the beach umbrella and our only towel, of course…

Nah, but he was a sweet soul. It pains me every time I see a senior dog at the shelter, knowing that the likelihood of them being adopted and living their final years in a home with a loving family is statistically low :/. Out of all the things we did in Kauai, I highly recommend incorporating this into your itinerary.

Stock up on local snacks to save money and take a break from the few vegan-friendly places on the entire island. The one thing I did do research on prior to our trip was the vegan foodie scene. Kauai does have a couple of intriguing vegan cafes and restaurants. Our favorite ended up being The Spot close to where we were staying (Princeville), which offered all sorts of intriguing foods and drinks, including an acai bowl that was drenched with macadamia butter—my sister loved that.

When our wallets needed a break, we trekked to some of the local markets and kept an eye out for snacks in the $2-3 range (that’s cheap by Hawaiian standards). These Noms snacks and of course, Hawaiian Host chocolates featuring macadamia, were sensible choices.

Use work meetings as an excuse to have your sister get breakfast for you—hey, give her your credit card cause she’s not your maid! I was in contract-role that prevented me from taking a paid vacation during the time of our Kauai vacation, so I decided to work the days we were there so that I could fund the vacation 😂. To me this isn’t a bizarre concept, being a millennial professional who has lived through the COVID-era. I wasn’t hula hooping over the fact I had to be up at 5am to attend meetings, but at least I finished at 1pm local time, and that gave us plenty of time to vacation. It’s all about balance, ya’ll.

These delicious beauties were a find from my sister—her Holey Grail discovery was theeee best

Let your sister shop to her heart’s content because you’d rather take a nap in the car. My sister is a shopper, I am not. All of her friends far and wide were gifted with trinkets from our travels. Most of my friends didn’t even realize I was in Hawaii until it popped up on their social media. If I don’t even know what I want for myself, how could I begin to figure out gifts for others? Instead, I entertained myself with naps in the car and taking on the title of chicken anthropologist—the Hawaiian kind are worthy of their own reality show.

While she shopped, I devoured native delicacies like shaved ice

Make at least one day a dedicated beach day so you can have your mandatory summer vacation pics for Insta. This summer, I wore a swimsuit four times. I can’t even recall the last time I had a summer where I wore a swimsuit more than once…given that I am an August baby, I know that’s pitiful. At least I wore my swimsuit in Hawaii twice, and it took an incredible amount of effort to do just that. My sister was a great photographer, and I paid the favor back. Now we have proof that we vacationed in Hawaii, even if it is “basic”.

If you have to chase down a beach umbrella blowing in the wind at Poipu, it will look comical AF so make sure your sister has her camera out to capture the ridiculousness of it all. Poipu is an oft-cited, well-known area of Kauai, but it wasn’t our favorite. It was too far south from where we stayed in Princeville (we found North Shore in general to be more our vibe, and Hanalei was our favorite beach). We chose to not go for a swim that day, but to lounge with a beach umbrella sans doggo.

If you’re into surfing and high tides, Poipu is definitely more your style. There were a lot of swimmers and surfers hangin’ ten and it honestly looked like a lot of fun. Unfortunately for us this meant a lot of wind, and at one point, our beach umbrella was literally ripped from the sand, tumbling through the air. After having run a speed workout that morning, my legs were incredibly sore, yet I pushed (as well as tripped and plodded like a buffoon) towards the umbrella hoping to grab it before it stabbed someone in the eye. Luckily I got it, but I wish I had a video to share. By the end of it I was laughing while also trying not to collapse—it was too hilarious a sight.

Don’t see any sea turtles (honu) even though everyone says you will. Stalk chickens instead. I didn’t see any turtles (except for one that looked beached at Poipu 😬), but I did see ALL the chickens and as I stated earlier, their lives are WILD.

My first day in Kauai is mostly chicken pics

If you start to miss Texas by Day 4, don’t worry, you are not going crazy. You just thought you would be able to escape humidity for a bit but the Garden Island laughed in your face. While the intermittent rain was refreshing, the stabbing heat and humidity that followed right after was not. Running through said heat and humidity was something I was accustomed to coming from Texas, but it was also something I was trying to escape from, LOL.

Do not go hiking at Ho’opi’i Falls. It will not take 20 minutes and you will not be amused by the guava on the forest floor. Why is it every time I go hiking with a family member or close friend, it is always a disaster 😂? Someone didn’t bring water, someone didn’t wear the right shoes, someone is too tired…okay, a lot of the times it’s me 😅, but I like to thank running for my endurance/fitness, both physically and mentally.

In addition to a beach day, my sister and I wanted to check off at least one waterfall hike, and Ho’opi’i sounded reasonable. Unfortunately it wasn’t, as the paths were wet and muddy from the morning rain, and the trail (despite being supposedly walked upon by locals and tourists alike) was difficult to decipher. As we motioned further and further into the “jungle”, every time we would spot someone heading back we would ask them how long it took to get to the falls. “Ummm, twenty minutes?”. Perhaps the next “influencer” who makes a trip to Kauai can make a reel about this: how long does it really take to get to Ho’opi’i Falls?

Eventually we made it, and absolutely captured it on camera.

Don’t be surprised if you are sick for two solid weeks post-vacation, eye infection included. This is literally what happened to us. Within a day from returning, my sister and I had varied symptoms for what we could only conclude to be some type of flu. I had intermittent fevers, and eventually a cough/sinus problems for about a total of two weeks post-trip. We were COVID negative, but the weird part was the eye infection that my sister developed at the tail-end of her sickness ordeal. So, be prepared for any tropical bugs, I guess?

And last, but not least, watch me whip and watch me NENE!! If anyone gets the reference, you are a true millennial, but nene are in fact Hawaii’s national bird! It was a gorgeous sight to see them on my runs, relaxed on their land, against the backdrop of lush green and bright blue.

Would you be a “lazy girl” in Kauai or more adventurous 🐢?

Reading Time: 9 minutes

If curiosity has led you to inquire about the Italian immigration process, any expat (or immigrant, if you see yourself living in Italy for an indeterminate amount of time) will tell you immigration is, quite frankly, a long-a** nightmare.

I suppose bureaucracy in any country can be deemed as such, but when you go through the process yourself, it can be frustrating to know that steps A, B, C, and D can all be streamlined and become one easy-peasy step A.

But by now, we should all know that “why make it easy for everyone?” is the motto of governments worldwide…

My experience with Italian immigration has been full of frustrations, but it has also been a slightly unique experience compared to most. A lot of expats I’ve met usually ended up in Italy because of love, and hence, stay in the country through marriage/family permits which (can) eventually lead to work permits.

Others end up here via the student route, for example, by completing a master’s program and (hopefully) finding work soon after.

In my case, I originally came here under the specific “ricerca” (Italian for research) permit: designed for a finite period to conduct academic research at an already-vetted Italian institution. When I decided I wanted out of my post-doc fellowship in favor of industry, I fell into a really lucky opportunity—and that’s when I realized, something called the EU Blue Card could help me transition into a proper work contract in Italy.

The following is my personal experience with obtaining an EU Blue Card to work in Italy. Please read for insight but understand every experience is unique and not all the steps I had to do may match your EU Blue Card journey. When it comes to government paperwork and steps, things are always changing, so brace yourself for any surprises that may be thrown your way!

There are also many resources online that go into the nitty-gritty about Italian visas, permits, citizenship, etc. and I am not an expert in this realm. I am only writing about my experience in the hope that it helps someone get an idea about the process (especially what they need to be prepared for and how long it takes)!

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What is the EU Blue Card?

This official site gives you all the deets (and this one for Italy) but generally speaking, the EU Blue Card is probably the smoothest of all permit options in Europe available to non-EU professionals with post-graduate degrees (master’s or PhD programs at least 3 years in length). And smooth in this case means a good 6-8 months before the card is to hand.

Given Italian bureaucracy, I’d say 6-8 months is lightning speed.

While the links above give more information, one perk of the Blue Card is that while you do have to work in the same country/job that your applied for for 18 months, after this period, you can move to another European country for work if that’s in your plans, or be on track for permanent residency in the country you got your EU Blue Card in.

The EU Blue Card in Italy is not treated like a special card lol. The template for the card is the standard “permesso di soggiorno” and it differs from other permits only in the “type of permit”/

How can I get an EU Blue Card?

One thing to make clear about Italy is that in order to (legally) work in the country with a standard work permit, you have to already have a job offer (if you currently reside outside of Italy—this step is different for non-Italian students who studied in Italy, for example).

When I came to Italy originally, I was doing a postdoctoral fellowship under the ricerca permit as mentioned earlier. I already had my PhD (a terminal, post-grad degree). Looking back, if I had known about the EU Blue Card, I probably would have insisted on this path instead of naively accepting the ricerca permit, now knowing the benefits the EU Blue Card comes with.

When I transitioned to an industry position within the pharma sector, pushing for the EU Blue Card benefited both me and my employer. I should also note that my path to this position started with a cold email (while I was in Italy during my fellowship), followed by interviews where both my future employer and I saw mutual benefits in my hire. I acknowledge that this opportunity was incredibly unique and based on the fact that 1) I had experience in the company’s line of work through my PhD and 2) had the initiative to reach out on my own, and not follow a job listing.

I encourage anyone with post-grad degrees (terminal ones especially, like PhD, MD, JD, PharmD, master’s is often fine too if it’s at least 3 years in length) to look into the Blue Card as an option for a permit, since they are considered degrees needed for “highly qualified professions”. The list is surprisingly quite broad for what is considered as such, especially for Italy.

It’s critical to have an (future) employer assist you in the process for the EU Blue Card since a work offer is needed just to get started. Finding an employer to help you with this can be an obstacle, as for a lot of Italian companies, it can take some convincing to explain why they should hire a non-EU citizen over a local Italian. But I recommend trying and keeping the following in mind:

[x] Seek a job in industry with a company that works internationally. If you are a native English speaker, this can help if the company does business with English-speaking countries and wants to build rapport with English-speaking clients (especially the US, because that is honestly where a lot of profits come from for Italian companies that do business abroad…)

[x] If you do come from academia, you can always try reaching out to “top” research institutions and proposing that you come under an EU Blue Card versus a ricerca permit and collaboration contract (the cococo, which was what I was under when I did my fellowship, is a bit more restrictive than the contract that comes with the Blue Card). In this case, coming in with a fellowship can be a huge advantage when you make your proposal, as it shows you are coming in with your own funding and can be self-sufficient to a certain extent.

[x] Don’t be afraid of cold emails. Sell your skillset confidently. That’s how I found my job.

[x] While knowledge of Italian may help, I got my job without being fluent in Italian. You can always say you are learning and would appreciate the opportunity to rapidly improve your skills in a workplace environment. Oftentimes companies willing to take on foreigners offer assistance such as with language classes, etc.

Why should I get an EU Blue Card?

An interesting observation I’ve noted while in Italy is that I have not met too many expats with an EU Blue Card. I believe it is because not too many people are aware of it, and even if one qualifies, their career goals may not include a stint abroad.

For example, a lot of post-doc fellows (people who finished their PhD and are continuing to do research) come to the US for their abroad experience. Rarely do you ever hear of an American scientist going abroad for a post-doc. If they do, it’s usually to another English-speaking country or Northern Europe. Even when I did my fellowship in Italy, I was the only American in my co-hort.

I also think I don’t hear of many expat Blue Card holders in Italy because of this sentiment – as an American, Canadian, or other citizen of a “developed” country, why should I bother with this?

Even if you’re not sure how long you plan to be abroad, insisting that this is the best option for you and your potential employer could be incredibly beneficial in the long run. It’s ultimately a great way to live in another country in the short-term, while progressing in your career. True, the pay may not match what you can get in the US for example, but if you’ve always wanted to experience life abroad, this could be a great option if you’ve “suffered” through many years of education, and now want to “experiment” with a new life and cultural experience…

So, what are the steps?

In general, this is what it was like for me before I got to hold my physical EU Blue Card:

Step 1: Employer sends in application request to Italian government (they ask for a Nulla Osta, which authorizes non-EU citizens to apply for a work visa at their home country’s Italian consulate).

My timeline: December 2021

Step 2: I had to collect the following in order to complete the application for the Nulla Osta:

1) Copy of Passport (duh.)

2) Job Offer from Company

3) Declaration of Value (the most difficult to obtain from the list)

Step 2.5: Assembling the Declaration of Value:

This is the most nightmare-ish part of the entire process, as it depends on what your local consulate* wants from you. The Declaration of Value is a document that states how your post-graduate education translates to the Italian education system.

*And your local consulate will be the one in the state where you completed your final degree. For me, this was the one in Los Angeles, even though I left LA years ago!

For the Declaration of Value, the LA consulate required that I send them:

1) A copy of my diploma declared authentic by my university’s registrar. His/her signature had to be notarized by a notary public (normally, universities get requests for this a lot if they have a large international student body, so they often have a campus notary or partnership).

2) The notarized document then had to be sealed with an “apostille” by the Secretary of State (in my case, in California).

3) A translation (from English to Italian) of my diploma AND transcripts. The consulate in LA was okay with me using a third-party translation service or even using Google translate. I assume because the lady who was in charge of Declaration of Value requests also certified the translations…

4) Passport copy (just make 10 copies and carry them around with you, to be honest…)

5) Information about my university (whether it was public or private, degree admission requirements, how long it takes for degree…)

My timeline: January – February 2022 (~5 weeks to assemble everything for Declaration of Value)

Step 3: Once I received the Declaration of Value from the LA consulate (they sent it to me via a pre-paid FedEx envelope), I handed the original copies to my employer during a business trip, and received the Nulla Osta from the government about 30 days later!

My timeline: End of March 2022

Step 4: Then I had to get back in communication with the consulate stateside (this time, the one closest to my current residence, so I didn’t have to get in touch with LA thankfully!) and ask for a long-term visa. I had to send my physical passport along with more photocopies of documents they specifically requested (i.e. local driver’s license/state ID, flight reservation, etc.). But this was more straight-forward and faster to accomplish than with the Declaration of Value.

My timeline: Sent out everything early April 2022 and received everything back within a week.

Step 5: I sent photocopies of my visa and the passport stamp* of my arrival into Italy/the first EU country I transited through before Italy to my employer, who then forwarded this information to request an appointment at the Prefeturra.

*Make sure you get this stamp!! Do not go through electronic screening at the airport, because getting that physical stamp is necessary for the next step. The airport workers may laugh at you for your odd request, but ignore them and get that stamp. It’ll save you so much trouble at the Prefeturra!

My timeline: Sent photocopies to my company early May 2022. Was scheduled an appointment at Prefeturra at end of May 2022.

Step 6: Next, I was given an appointment* at the Prefeturra to get my “contratto di soggiorno” (contract of stay). They also provide your tax code “codice fiscale” at this appointment too. In my case, I already had a codice fiscale so I gave the officials that number.

*I had the appointment end of May, but of course in pure Italian fashion, there was an issue with the office’s printer so I had to reschedule. Luckily, I was with someone from my company and they were able to help me communicate and reconfigure things. I ended up rescheduling for early July…

Step 7: In the Prefeturra “re-do” appointment, I received an appointment for the Questura (police/ immigration office, essentially) to “give” my fingerprints. Before that, I had to go to the post office to send off the forms that were completed at the Prefeturra. Why can’t the Prefeturra do that themselves? Beat’s me.

My timeline: early July 2022

Step 8: I go to the Questura a month later and get my fingerprints taken, along with having to submit a few more docs (like a passport photo and yet another passport copy). I then get instructions to come back within 25 days to pick up the card.

My timeline: early August 2022

Step 9: It indeed takes more than 25 days (probably because of this), and I actually came back six weeks later to finally get my EU Blue Card.

My timeline: Mid-September 2022.

This entire process took 9 months. Technically, you can start legally working after completing the Prefeturra appointment (you do not have to wait until you get the physical card).

But I mean, PHEW! Did you get all that? If it was a doozy to read all that, then you now understand that that is how getting to Italy is. The hard stuff happens WAY before you enter the country!

So I hope this post gives *some* idea and perspective about one “easier” option (as easy as it can get, which still isn’t easy…) to seek work opportunities in Italy if you are a non-EU citizen with a post-graduate degree yearning for a “life abroad” experience.

It can take a lot of planning, researching, sweat, and grit, but if your curiosity for life abroad won’t stop bugging you until you actually take the leap, there is nothing wrong with giving it a try. If you end up enjoying the experience and wanting to work in the country forever, then renewals and path to permanent residency should only get easier if you started off with a Blue Card.

And if you’ve never been an expat or immigrant, at least this post gives a glimpse as to how much hard work it is. Be kind to others going through the process, because it requires a lot of strength, bravery, and putting up with things they really shouldn’t have to 😉.

Thoughts? Questions? Leave a comment below!

Reading Time: 6 minutes

…is a classic blog prompt from the 2010s, the golden era of blogging 😁! The way these posts go is the blogger brings up items from their life that have happened since their last post. Usually these posts appear when a blogger has been absent for a while and they want to catch their readers up in a summary form.

This—along with the many surveys that circulated in the blogging community—is one of my favorite prompts when I feel like catching up in a casual way.

So, get yourself some coffee (or tea or water? That’s good too, haha) to pair with this read 😊.

☕ If we were having coffee…

…I’d still talk your ear off about the headshake moments of life in Italy! Recently, I criticized the long-standing “tradition” of I’m-diasppearing-for-the-month-of-August-kthanksbye, and the past few weeks brought along a few more eye rolls:

⭐The Italian government has officially declared that we are no longer in a “COVID emergency” (whatever that means at this point), and so companies are now left to decide whether or not to continue with remote working (otherwise known as “smartworking”, lol).

The company I work for implemented a really great hybrid mode (2 days remote, 3 days in the office), but suspended it the beginning of September until they prepare an “official smartworking contract”. I don’t see why we have to pause such a good thing, but at least we are not pushing the brakes, as the majority is in favor of continuing hybrid work. It’s only a matter of time…can you even say you’re in Italy if you’re not forced to wait for something?

⭐The annoying thing about this though is that we still have to wear masks in the office, but literally nowhere else in Italy except medical centers (vestigial rules I’m not sure will ever go away) require it. Yo, I thought you said the “emergency” was over? Make it make sense…

⭐I also recently accompanied my boyfriend to a local race track so he could race his car and geek out over car things (lol). That was an interesting experience in itself, and I took the opportunity to “lament” on Yelp:

One of my many candid reviews on Yelp about things in Italy

Let’s just say you can take the truck out of Texas, but Italians can never replace Texans 🤣.

If you use Yelp, check out my other uncanny, unfiltered reviews!

☕ If we were having coffee…

…I’d tell you that social media continues to be sucky. Anytime someone forwards me an “expat in…” video or “American in…” post, I roll my eyes so hard they almost pop out! When I was on Instagram, I used to mutually follow some mild-mannered, practical women who shared pragmatic content about life in Italy, but it’s crazy how luck and “starting out at the right time” can make a random person skyrocket in fame and “influence”.

⭐It makes me upset when I see people who amass huge followings out of pure luck “hijack” the stories and experiences of others with a smaller following, even though these “smaller” accounts have useful content and stories to share.

They’re just not busting out videos everyday 🙄.

⭐For example, someone “goes viral on TikTok” because they have a quirky audio or make a series of videos that “are just too funny”. It’s probably cliché, but they get lucky and the followers pour in. They build a huge following from that, and then are able to talk about anything they want and get engagement because now they have an audience. This is “the system” in play, and it really is unfair. And if we were having coffee, I’d be calling it out in more detail, big time.

☕ If we were having coffee…

…I’d tell you work has been super busy lately! I got assigned projects that could lead me to San Francisco (‼) for a showcase at the end of October! A lot of steps have to be put in place first (out of my control and at company level), but I’m really hoping that it works out because even though flying out to the West Coast is a nightmare on the legs, any excuse to travel back home is worth it.

Making long slide decks is literally part of the job lol

⭐I do know I will be back in Vegas (for the third time this year, lol) for an exhibition, and I am way too excited for that than I should be 😂.

⭐I’ve also enrolled in some free NIH clinical research courses and I try to post about clinical trials when I can. I know I said I don’t do Instagram anymore, but this account is explicitly for science education outreach. I have been feeling less motivated to be consistent with it lately though, because I know our society as a whole still has a long way to go before science is seen as something worth seeking out and interesting vs. something to fear and hate, unfortunately…

☕ If we were having coffee…

… I’d tell you my running has been going great! My coach out of Houston is awesome and I love the workouts he has me do. I always get nervous on interval days, but then when I crush my HARD pace, I feel amazing. I’m hoping to PR in Monza this October (in the half) and then of course at the marathon in Houston in January.

⭐The running group I organized has been going alright, even though I’ve only met 3 girls through it. It’s better than nothing though, and every time I run with them it’s a lot of fun.

When I do my solo runs, I always stop for cats if I’m not in the middle of a speed interval. If I am, I finish said interval and then walk back to the cat.

And yes, I listen to some hardcore hip hop when I do speed workouts 😅. It’s what gets me to a speedy 7:00min/mi pace so, it works!

☕ If we were having coffee…

…I’d tell you I just cannot avoid living in a city where the rent is just atrocious. First it was LA, and now Milan has caught up to match in ridiculousness. When I was in Milan 2020-2021, the rent was decent. Now it’s gotten so bad because there just aren’t that many vacancies (and ok, blame the geopolitical situation if you want, but I feel businesses often use that as an excuse way too much, like COVID).

⭐So, I’ll be little miss commuter again when I move to Monza next month. It definitely won’t be crazy like my two-hour one-way treks from Anaheim to LA, but it will be somewhat of a pain if we don’t get our remote working situation sorted!

⭐And then you see stories pop up like this and think, yup, we’re LA status now 😬.

☕ If we were having coffee…

…I’d reveal that things have felt stagnant creatively for me lately. When it comes to my ongoing writing projects, I have days where I pop out a really great piece/excerpt within an hour. And other days where I have major writer’s block and feel “forced” to write.

⭐It’s the shared experience of most writers, but I’ve also had the urge to start other creative projects. I think one can fuel the other if they’re both positive experiences. Instagram was supposed to be such an outlet, but because it caused more harm than good, that tie had to be severed.

⭐I’m really excited about this particular venture since I’ll be collaborating with my best friend. We have no clue how it will go, but I think it’s a project that utilizes a platform that is favorable to people who love words and stories, vs. pictures and speedy content. I’ll of course share what this project is when the time comes (soon)!

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I imagine you’ve reached the end of your cup, and I’ve about exasperated your attention span with all my venting and elaborating about events these past few weeks. And while a virtual cup can never replace the experience of a cup in-person, I hope you enjoyed our little coffee date!

What would you tell me if we were having coffee?

Reading Time: 6 minutes

This month has been so calm, peaceful, and happy. I didn’t think I’d make it to such a mental state so quickly, but it’s happening.

Besides having a mini emotional breakdown at the end of January (being uncertain about the start of my business trip given the Omicron scare and waiting on the Italian consulate to process critical documentation to begin my EU Blue Card application were my triggers), I’ve felt relatively calm ever since, and I’ve welcomed it with an embrace of a mother who just saw her grown kids after 10 years 😅.

I know that I would have never found my current position in industry if it had not been for academia driving me out of toxic working conditions, but I do wonder what would have happened if I had joined my current company back in June 2020, rather than pursuing a post-doc, if everything I have been provided with so far was provided to me back then 🤔. I am almost certain Italy would have tasted sweeter.

Maybe as sweet as this donut I had the other day? I know, not Italian, but when it comes to breakfast, my cravings are all-American.

I definitely would have been over the moon about the Italian course they are willing to cover. Right now, I feel like I have to force myself to get motivated.

Despite the harsh reality I ended up having to face, I am forever grateful for the current calmness of 2022, and the calmness of my return to Milan especially. I mentioned in the linked post that I face doubts about what my current “passions” are, and if I will find success and happiness if I continue to pursue them, but I must also acknowledge that the new work-life balance I’ve found has allowed me to figure this out, day by day.

With running, I am finding my mental and physical stamina again. In the weeks leading up to my departure to Milan, I was running 9-10 miles for long runs on Sunday mornings. It was easy to zone out, get lost in my Spotify playlists, and enjoy the long Texas roads, stumbling across the occasional longhorn and galloping baby calves 😍.

While in Italy this month, I crushed my long run goals, going back to running distances that once came second nature to me. 11, 12, 13 mile long runs didn’t feel so intimidating this time around. I ran the hills of Como during these long runs, and I didn’t stop in a work anxiety-induced paralysis, which often prevented me from going the distance last year…

I feel good with my runs so far, even though I’m still off with my goal pace. But based on past experience, I know that increasing my weekly mileage will help. I’m trying to get back to where I was in 2017, where I was running 40-50 miles a week, in peak marathon training shape (pace-wise), and had built great comradery with my marathon training group as a plus. Running with people is a painkiller for me, it feels amazing to run with others, but finding a solid group of people to train with in Italy has been an impossible task. Especially due to the pandemic...

I have a half marathon in Texas scheduled in early April, and my hope while I am at home again for the next four weeks is to incorporate double runs (running in the morning and evening of the same day) again, to hit a higher weekly mileage. In Italy, it seems as though I’m better off finding people who smoke more than participate in cardiovascular exercise, frankly speaking, but we’ll see what happens as the months progress. While in Texas, it shouldn’t be too hard to stop by a Fleet Feet for a weeknight or weekend morning run with a group of like-minded runners 😀.

With writing, I go through moments of impassioned writing bursts, or days of procrastination. I think all writers can relate. Last year, I decided to stop writing short-forms on IG because it is a platform that doesn’t appreciate that kind of work. So now, my writing has become a private endeavor in the short-term, and this tests my patience immensely.

Coffee shop working and writing has always been a hobby of mine. It’s not a usual thing to do in Italy though…

I’ve chosen to keep the details of my writing projects private for now, but my close friends are writers themselves, and it’s been nice being able to bounce ideas off of them now and then. When I was back home, it was easier to write after work, and after an evening run. While in Italy, finding motivation to write in the evenings has been difficult, but I’m trying not to force myself if I don’t feel like it. I’m hoping for more days where I can bust out work in less than an hour due to passion (lol), like a post I wrote regarding Women’s Day. But even if those days are rare for now, I’m trying to use this time to figure out what works best for me when it comes to creating a “writing routine”.

Last week, I was successful in devoting 30 minutes to one of my projects every day, no matter what. Even if some of those sessions were not extremely productive, the minutes I had my doc open helped me in some form with the process as a whole. I’m hoping to continue meeting these “mini goals” because it’s better than not doing anything at all!

With my career, it’s something I’ve said a number of times but still holds true—leaving academia meant getting my mental health back. There is no doubt that me talking about running and writing here is because now I have the time to invest in them again.

I was also able to work remotely 2x a week while I was in Italy! It made long walks or lunchtime breaks outdoors so easy to fit in, and it definitely made me happy…

My job so far has been so perfect in terms of work-life balance, but even within the role, there have been discussions on what I can be involved with in the near future. Like, pipeline stuff. In the industry, this refers to a series of projects the company is working on or plans to work on. Some of the items proposed to me sound really exciting, and sound like they would utilize my skillset. Makes me feel important 😌

With life abroad, I still don’t know if I desire anything new. I had really high hopes during my first Italy stint, but learning the language is something that no longer excites me. Still, I will give it my best shot with the classes my company is offering me, it’s the least I can do, but if I had to choose between becoming an elite runner overnight or waking up speaking fluent Italian? I’d go with elite runner, hands down.

Do I want to travel? Sure, but only if the travel is spent with people I want to be with. I still haven’t been south of Florence when it comes to Italy. I’m saving places like Rome and Naples for when people I love can join me on those adventures. In the near-term, I don’t expect my family or close friends to be able to afford to see me in Italy, and so I have no complaints about going to see them where they are. My friend in Germany recently invited me to join her in Turkey for a few days during the summer to attend a wedding. I’d love to join her for that, only so I can spend quality time with her. I’ve heard Turkey is beautiful, but I don’t have the desire to go by myself at the moment. Such a stark difference from my solo travel days…

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It’s nice to be able to reflect on these past few weeks and be happy with them. I can only hope that things continue to go well and develop to my liking, but like I mentioned in a post from a few weeks ago, I’m attempting to adopt a “cruise control” attitude for all of these things. I know now that I can experience calmness for a long period, and that makes me feel so good.

And it only further drives home the point that our environment is so powerful, so do whatever you can to put yourself in a place that gives you the best possible.

Reading Time: 4 minutes

With this post, I risk people not agreeing with me, but that’s okay. If this sparks discussion, debate, and helps others to think from a different perspective, I am all for it.

I did not know Women’s Day existed until I came to Italy. I grew up in a country where we get time off for presidents, activists, veterans, and military, but the closest thing to Women’s Day I was familiar with was Mother’s Day. And to me, that day grew tense with each passing year.

As my mother succumbed more and more to her mental illness, I resented the fact that there was a day to celebrate her. In my teenage mind, she didn’t deserve it. I would see her verbally and emotionally abuse my father every day without fail, yet, my father would still ask my sister and I to make her a card, and he’d still show up with a bouquet of flowers just to show her he cared.

Despite his kind intentions, she would always find a reason to be suspicious of him. Or yell at him because he bought the flowers from Albertson’s instead of Raley’s.

And when Father’s Day came around? She never did anything special for him. It was up to my sister and I to let our father know we cared. That we needed him and loved him for sticking around.

When I think back to my high school days, I can’t imagine how much psychological torment he had to internalize. There would be nights she would be triggered by the simplest things. If she began yelling at me or my sister, our father would be ready, like a superhero with his shield, ready to deflect her anger from us towards him.

It would give us some modicum of peace to finish homework, but to hear her berate him for hours and hours into the night was not something my sister and I were comfortable with.

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Even with these tense family dynamics, I still grew up a “staunch feminist”. Perhaps it was my mom’s unsubstantiated opinions of men that were ingrained in me for years, but the “men are evil, fear them” “mantra” I grew up with was hard to shake off—until I learned to listen and understand the other side.

When I first met my boyfriend in Italy and we were learning about each other, I shared something nonchalantly on social media that upset him:

The whole pepper spray thing is a topic for another day 😅😅

It was supposed to be a hit at women in my circle who hinted that I need to live in fear and carry pepper spray, but the way I phrased my stance was a hit at all men, and that wasn’t fair. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but seeing how upset it made him feel led me to probe further discussions with him about the topic, which is something I am immensely appreciative for.

I didn’t realize the suicide rate in men is twice as high as for women, on a global scale, and that their access to mental health support is still strongly stigmatized. And what about the “biggest shocker“, that yes, boys and men can be victims of sexual assault and rape, with it being reported that in the US alone, 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.

These discussions made me realize that gender equality is an extremely convoluted topic that is constantly vacillating from one side to the other. It shouldn’t be about prioritizing one group over another if the goal is equality, yet if we prioritize Women’s Day with flowers and protests, and laugh off Men’s Day (which, by the way is November 19th) as a “creation of jealous men”, we will never achieve the equality we all say we are striving for.

Wonder if the woman who received these mimosa flowers (Italy’s famous tradition) appreciated it, expected it, or yelled at her boy for getting it from the wrong florist 😅

Yes, there are a lot of places in this world where men have a powerful influence and women are stripped of their rights. In South Asian countries and places with similar cultural ideals, this is a huge issue. The recent, artfully-crafted Malayalam movie, Great Indian Kitchen, demonstrated this eloquently.

But even in these cultures, men still suffer. In the South Asian space, Ram of @desi_brotherhood shares relevant information via Instagram feed posts in an unbiased way, and has shared a number of posts regarding domestic violence, mental health, and suicide issues that affect South Asian women and men.

Compared to South Asia, the overall context is different in the Western world. Even though domestic violence is rampant, especially without a doubt in the USA, women in the Western world still do experience a lot more freedoms compared to women of other countries. When I see the stereotypical “Karen” complain more than she should about how “men need to be the providers”, it does irritate me. These are the same women who claim they are independent, self-sufficient, and strong, yet expect “their man” to be the breadwinner and foot the bill of their shopping sprees because “they deserve it!”. This then leads to some men using these women as excuses for not supporting women’s rights, and it ends up being a vicious cycle.

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My intent with this post is not to divert attention from Women’s Day, but to serve as a reflection. I have only a handful of women in my life who I love with all my heart. Who deserve everything beautiful in this world because they truly do deserve it, but there are men in my life who deserve just the same.

So while today is a good day to celebrate women, our love for them, and their achievements, let’s be kind, thoughtful, and empathetic women and do the same for the amazing men in our lives when it’s their turn.

At the end of the day, we shouldn’t be celebrating the chromosomes one carries, but rather the individual those chromosomes serve as roots for.

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